horribly stuck, self-destructing...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by amanda2015, Jun 5, 2015.

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  1. amanda2015

    amanda2015 Member

    My depression has reached a new level... I've just stopped functioning at this point. My life is completely disgusting and I'm too humiliated to ask for help. I haven't showered in almost a month. I haven't cleaned in about six months. I can't even do the simple things that I need to. I applied for Social Security disability last year and I can't turn in the forms I need to to get approved. It's completely insane and I can't understand it and why I'm doing this to myself. I don't know what to do - one main reason I haven't killed myself is because of the state of my apartment and that other people would have to clean it up and that is how I would be remembered.

    I don't understand myself. I've just stopped doing anything to take care of myself....
  2. Starting Over

    Starting Over Active Member

    Hi amanda2015,

    Although it may be embarrassing to ask for help, I would urge you to do so (when you're ready). When someone is depressed it is very easy to let basic life tasks fall by the wayside. Do you have a family member or friend who could maybe help you complete some of these tasks? If not, maybe focusing on doing a few things each day with a concrete list would be helpful. Regardless, you'll be in my thoughts and I hope you can keep your spirits up :) life can get better but you've got to give it a chance and ask for help when you're in over your head
  3. amanda2015

    amanda2015 Member

    I don't have any family who lives near me and I've just stopped talking to all of them. I don't have friends who can help me because it's too embarrassing and it's something I need to do on my own.

    The awful part is my place is so bad I keep thinking that I will have to burn it to hide the mess. I'm not a pyro in any way but I keep thinking about just lighting the mess on fire.

    (Wow... this sounds so crazy.)
  4. amanda2015

    amanda2015 Member

  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Amanda and welcome to the forum. Right you have several things to do, you want your apartment cleaned, you do not have to do it all at once break it into segments and do the same with the self hygiene. What do you do every day? One step at a time Amanda. Are you seeing a professional, I think you should see a doctor who can prescribe medications to make you feel better and get a social worker who will help you organize things bit by bit.

    Depression is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. It is as real an illness as a heart attack is. Best of luck to you Amanda. :hugs:
  6. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Call 211 - the social service hotline - explain what is going on with everything and ask for help. You are not the only or first person this has happened to or even close- but there are people to help you if you call. They will help with the disability, getting you into a clean safe place, and getting back on track just by calling 211 and telling them what you have said here.
  7. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    How are you getting food and having the apartment bills paid for?
  8. finntyler

    finntyler New Member

    I understand that depression is not an easy situation to handle. Most people perhaps have gone through this kind of phase, I did too, however not to the extent of thinking about taking my own life. Talk to someone close to you where you can reveal what you are feeling right now, being negative about everything will not also help. Take time to watch this video-graphic http://www.pulseuniform.com/community/suicide.asp, which will help you a lot.
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