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Horrifying realization.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Datura, Nov 24, 2009.

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  1. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member


    Sessions with my therapist have come to a close, so I will express myself here.

    Saturday I came to a realization that is more than horrifying, but that's the only word to use:

    I should have killed myself at age 10-11 when that desire to end it all first came about. I felt then and there that my life would never improve, only 16 years later to realize even at that age I was right. My anguish has never ceased, and the only 'life' I have made for myself consists of stagnation. Not only do I wish a plan was carried out due to my ongoing torment, but because I have formed a relationship to where I cannot kill myself for his sake. Had I done it back then, I would have avoided this decade and a half pain along with the responsibility of harming someone else.

    I have become even more lifeless and feel incredibly hollow.

    What will the next 10 years bring - the thought makes me shudder.

    I'm trapped.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I truly know how this feels...it took me a while to get my mojo (without steroids...lol..) and start living...I was so depressed and afraid that I became nothing...hope you find something that affirms your worthiness...J
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