I am in such a terrible state that I know I am really unsafe and struggling to keep myself safe 10mins at a time. I have a therapist whi#om I saw on tuesday and I told her what I was thinking of doing so we made a safety plan for that evening. I have Dissocaitive Identity Disorder and so the therapist said she wanted to believe that the collective would make sure we stayed safe even though I am at very high risk. She asked me if I thought she should call someone in to the room with a view to having me sectioned and I begged her not to because I am terrified of hospirtal on so many levels. On a very practical physical level, they never get my pain meds sorted out quickly enough to avoid me going through morphine withdrawal and I end up in excrutiating pain because they don't believe me when I tell them what and how much drugs I am prescribed. At home Ihave a specialist hospital bed and airflow matress that aleviated pain but most importantly prevents pressure sores. The last twice I have been sectioned they were unable to provide an appropriate bed so I had little sleep because of the pain and left both time with nasty pressure sores that took ages to heal. thye just dont get medical needs at all and if you try to push they you get labelled as attention seeking ad manipulative. The past 2 admissions they have also placed me on a mixed sex ward which has meant that I am too scared to leave my room and some of the staff refused to bring meals to me despite this having been agreed.
Hospital is just the worst place to be and yet...... some would say it's where I need to be right now it order to stay alive long enough to get the help Ineed to feel a bit in a better place. I can see that point of view but Iam terrified of asking for help in case they end up sectioning me.
I don't know what to do just to get through tonight. I have tried to meditate and I have had a hot drink and a cuddle with my dog and I have a polished stone I stroke in my hand to try to keep me grounded.
One of the Alters is really goading me to just get on with it and he is really hard to ignore when I am feeling so mixed up. I know there are other Alters who want us to stay alive but I am frustrated that they are not taking over and they are just leaving me to deal with this agnoising decsion i feel totally unable to manage.
Any advice please?
Hospital is just the worst place to be and yet...... some would say it's where I need to be right now it order to stay alive long enough to get the help Ineed to feel a bit in a better place. I can see that point of view but Iam terrified of asking for help in case they end up sectioning me.
I don't know what to do just to get through tonight. I have tried to meditate and I have had a hot drink and a cuddle with my dog and I have a polished stone I stroke in my hand to try to keep me grounded.
One of the Alters is really goading me to just get on with it and he is really hard to ignore when I am feeling so mixed up. I know there are other Alters who want us to stay alive but I am frustrated that they are not taking over and they are just leaving me to deal with this agnoising decsion i feel totally unable to manage.
Any advice please?