Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lost and tired, Aug 19, 2013.

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  1. Lost and tired

    Lost and tired Well-Known Member

    Have any of you guys any experience of hospitalisation ? I feel that I might have to check myself in, feeling hugely unstable and rapid cycling like crazy
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is a place that will help you get more stable get your meds tweaked a bit a safe place so go ok get the help you need to stop the rapid cycling hugs
  3. Lost and tired

    Lost and tired Well-Known Member

    Thanks total eclipse but something about the idea worrys me, i know that's irrational but I'm not having many rational thoughts at the moment
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    What is it about the hospital that's worrying you? Might help to try and talk it out. And it's normal to be worried, just so you know. :hug:
  5. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    When my appendix burst, I was taken to the hospital. I spent about a month there (it was pretty severe). Hospitals are for treating and curing. It does not matter if it is for a broken bone or a disease, or for a mental health concern. Hospitals are good, safe places, if we allow them to be. Check yourself in if you are feeling uneasy and allow them to assist you.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I understand hun i do but if you do not go then you will not get feeling better you will only spiral downwards more. Just go and talk to a doctor in emergency ok see if they can do something to adjust your meds to help you If you can stay a few days do that ok You will be safe there hugs
  7. Lost and tired

    Lost and tired Well-Known Member

    Im worried that I'll be there for a while. I know it's not like One flew over the Cuckoos nest but I'm stuggling to be rational. I flushed my meds recently for what I thought was a good reason. Big mistake, I know. Feeling totally out of control, broken and scared.
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I know you're scared. :hug: I do think going to the hospital would be a good idea for you. If it's hard for you to think rationally, going in will ensure you're in a safe place where you can be stabilized and get the help you need. Here if you need to talk through anything, you can PM me anytime.
  9. Lost and tired

    Lost and tired Well-Known Member

    Thanks WildCherry, Ireally appreciate your words. People being nice makes me cry for some reason
  10. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Yeah, I know the feeling. Sometimes kind words make me cry more than if someone's being mean. :hug: I hope you'll seriously consider going to the hospital and getting yourself some help... you deserve to feel better.
  11. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    I've been a few times. They got my meds tweaked, and helped me stay on them.

    It's a safe place to get help. Just be very honest, maybe write all your symptoms down first.

    It should be a pretty short trip (in my experience) it's made to help, and keep you safe.
  12. TinyTrooper

    TinyTrooper Member

    I think you should go too, hospitals can be great places and they are safe and everyone's kind and cares about you. :) I've gone before and I found that just being somewhere different and safe helped me a lot.
  13. Lost and tired

    Lost and tired Well-Known Member

    Thank's everyone. I do see a psychiatrist but the appointments are always far apart. I get my meds changed or doses increased. That just leaves me feeling totally unable to feel emotions even to some very sad events. That's why i recently binned them. I just wanted to feel an appropriate emotion again, Regreting that decision now, clearly things are a lot worse with me than I thought. Im considering hospital for my own protection. But its just going to be more meds so is that the only future available to me, emotional empty?
  14. Dialtone

    Dialtone Member

    I went to a hospital once awhile back. I don't remember much about them except that I felt out of place when I was there.

    I was suicidal, totally helpless, my life had spun out of control and I was ill prepared to deal with the dark place I found myself in. My memory, sense of time and sequence of events around that period is a little fuzzy so please forgive the lack of detail.

    I remember making the decision to check into the hospital, because I couldn't function at all. My body hardly worked, my sight was dim, I could barely hear. Things were really bad. They admitted me and put me into a normal looking hospital room which I shared with a guy that I don't remember very well. The only memory I have of him is that he was worse off than I was at the time.

    I was given an evaluation by this really hot russian doctor. I saw her once a day, while I was there. She was very professional but laid back in a way that is hard to describe. I felt like I could talk to her, but I don't remember what I said at all in that initial session. It was probably just background info. I sat on the floor after the eval until dinner or activity or exercise time or whatever it was that came next. I remember that the food sucked. It was typical hospital fare, but it was nutritious so I forced myself to eat at least one thing every meal whether I was hungry or not. There were group sessions that we were strongly encouraged, but not forced to attend. I went to a couple of them and spoke once, I think.

    I spent time in the sun room, because it felt better that the garish artificial fluorescents. I met a few people in there that seemed nice, and I chatted with them off and on about something or another. I think I met a girl that said she did something terrible. I kinda avoided her because although I was crazy at the time and had no real room to criticize, she had a gleam in her eye that really disturbed me.

    A lot of the people in that place were worse off than I was, and I was scared. I didn't share that with the doctors, nurses or anything because I didn't want them to think I was totally nuts. I was totally nuts for thinking the way I did. They gave me meds and some therapy, but I wanted out. I did the worst thing I could have done. I lied to everyone and told them I was just fine. I put on my best smile and chatted cheerfully while i was screaming inside. They released me and I went into psych sessions that I couldn't afford with meds that I couldn't afford. I stopped after three months.

    I made an attempt on my life shortly thereafter, because i couldn't see past the pain, loneliness, darkness and whatever else was clawing at my broken soul. I don't know how I survived at all. I remember regaining consciousness and laughing like a maniac until I cried.

    I guess I am saying to you that the experience might be scary and way out of your comfort zone, like it was for me, but be open to the experience and the treatment. Don't follow my stupid path. If you need help, go get it and use it until you don't need the crutches anymore to walk. I think if I had been less paranoid and scared, things might have gone a bit differently for me.

    So basically, stop reading and check in if you need the help.

    Don't be scared.
  15. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I don't think that has to be the only answer. I know that's a side effect of some of the meds out there, but I'm wondering if there are other groups of meds that might work better for you. Does your psychiatrist listen to you when you explain how you're feeling and what the meds are doing to you?

    Is therapy something you've ever considered, or ever tried?
  16. Lost and tired

    Lost and tired Well-Known Member

    Saw a psychologist for months who tried cognitive therapy. It didn't work and cost a fortune. Today I got arrested by the Spanish department of violence against women because i sent my ex a text message when i was drunk and in a major depressive phase. I only vaguely remember it. I had just heard she was pregnant, she had waited 6 months after the end of our 4 year relationship and that sent me deeper in to despair. The message read something like ' Im laughing. If its true you are a ridiculous person. Congratulations. ' I also commented on her youtube video of her belly dancing that she looks like a fat dude in that dress. Stupid I know but i instantly deleated it. I was drinking for 3 days at this point and couldnt find my car so I got a taxi. The next day i got a cab to go and look for it. It was near her apartment because its the only space i could find and was near the pizza place i was going to. She saw me collect it and thinks I drive around following her. I have to go to that town because my office is near there, so is my medical centre, banks and places to get lunch. you have to drive around for ages to find a parking space so you take anything you can get. She's bound to see me drive by from time to time but I've never stopped, waved or shouted abuse. In fact I dont even notice her all the time
    The lawyer and judge asked me if i want to harm her baby. My ex told them that I hate children and dogs. I have a three legged rescue dog and loved my step daughter like my own. I can never see her again. The judge thru it out but my ex is appealing the decision. Outside her Gitano (spanish gypsy) boyfriend attacked me in the street, punched my repeatedly in the head in front of 5 cop cars who did nothing..
    Im really not ok
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 20, 2013
  17. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    :hug: I'm sorry you've had such a horrible day, and that you're having to deal with an ex who really seems to be looking for ways to hurt you. Might be a good idea to delete her number from your phone, so that way you don't accidentally text her if you've been drinking.

    Here if you need support or just want to talk.
  18. Lost and tired

    Lost and tired Well-Known Member

    Thanks WildCherry. I thought i'd deleted every trace of her from my life. I dont know how i sent the message or how i got the number at 3am but it came from my number so i must have done it. There are always huge gaps in my memory when im not medicated properly. Then i get the hypomania phase an drink constantly for 3 days with no food or drink whick doesnt help with recall either. They left me alone in a room in the court and i hit a low spot and repeatedly hit my head against the wall then went manic and tried to dismantle the table using my car key because i wanted to rebuild it in a more interesting way. Thats actually funny when i think about in now
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