Hospitalized myself Sunday afternoon

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by ChrisC, Jul 10, 2012.

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  1. ChrisC

    ChrisC New Member

    Hi Im Chris, new to this forum am 33 year old male. I put myself in the hospital this Sunday because I was feeling very suicidal and scared I might kill myself. I am currently not drinking but at the time was a few weeks into a drinking bender. I have not called my job in days and will most likely loses it. The best thing I can do now is resign so as not to get fired from a civil service job that way I have a chance of getting another, this will not be the first good job I lost. I have ran up several thousand dollars on my father credit card during this bender that he still does not know about. I have been dealing with alcoholism and depression and whatever else might be wrong with me for over 5 years now. I have been in rehab twice in and out of AA for years, going to therapy for last year and currently was working with a psychiatrist I feel does not listen to me. I stopped taken paxel about 9 days ago cause I did not think it was helping. The reason I am feeling suicidal is I feel 1 my family would have better life's without me around, at least that's how they make me feel. My sister is punishing me again by not talking to me cause I was drinking. Last time she did this it was close to 2 years, I was not invited to holidays or see my niece even though I never showed up for stuff or drank around them in years. The 2nd reason is I have tried for a long time to get out of this cycle and always end up failing, I feel even if I do improve my situation this time eventually I will screw it all up like I always do and I just can't handle it anymore.
     
  2. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Welcome to you, Chris. Hope your hospital stay is productive. Maybe re-jigger the meds a bit, take some time away from everything else and focus on some small amount of recovery for you. With your job, all may not be lost there. You don't have to tell them what your medical emergency is, and this most definitely counts, just say "I had a medical emergency, i am in hospital". They'll probably still be mad it took a while for the situation to be communicated to them, but it's at least worth a shot at a phone call.

    Take care Chris. One thing at a time.
     
  3. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Welcome Chris. I am also a 33 year old male alcoholic who suffers from depression, so I can relate. And I've also taken Paxil before and didn't care for it. And I've been in rehab and AA. Apparently we have quite a few things in common.
     
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Welcome Chris, am glad you have found SF and use it to gain support and understanding. I know how it feels to have an identity as a"depressive" - and how that can sap our internal sense of hope........ BUT, I've come to believe (long story how) that it IS indeed possible to not go by our feelings - and this is the clue to getting better and out of the cycle of down. Do hope that you stick around SF and gain all the encouragement you need to help :)
     
  5. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Welcome, Chris. I too am an alcoholic and depression sufferer. Posting here is helpful in getting the stuff out of the head. You may want to read some of the public diary's, perhaps even start one. You can make your diary private if you like. We're all hurting here, but we understand in a way others cannot. We help each other by "listening" and talking about experiences.

    I hope you feel better soon. :hug:
     
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