Hostile Situations?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by tendenCs_89, Jan 12, 2009.

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  1. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    Id like to ask this, what is teh best way to deal with a hostile situation in your opinion?
    Im talking about someone actively trying to be a dick, either taking the piss or trying to start a fight or whatever. And im still at school so im talking about a school environment.
    i think the only ways i would deal with it is to either ignore it or fight back.
    But ignoring it and walking away isnt always an option being at a school, what if your with a group of people, some are friends and one person is being hostile, i dont want to walk away from a group whenever this comes up. Also what if their attacking someone else, its clearly not good to ignore that.
    Also when i ignore someone attacking me i always feel weak and ashamed of myself for not fighting back and standing my ground.
    But then fighting back seems kind of pointless to me liek what is the point in arguing with someone i dont care about, and if i dont go far enough with them, then i lose the argument and get humiliated, whereas if i go too far i end up being seen as a dickhead, and have loads of people asking "why did you go so far, why didnt you just ignore him?" - im trying not to care what people think so much, but i believe myself to be a nice kind of guy and dont wanna be seen as that...
    I dont have many friends in school, and those that i do have arent really brave enough to back me against all teh pricks who take pleasure in trying to piss me off.
    So what do you think is the best way of dealing with this?
  2. ACRon

    ACRon Well-Known Member

    you say your a 'nice guy'?

    how about the guy thats bieng a 'prick', do you believe that thinking of him as a prick will help the cause any?

    perhaps he thinks he's a nice guy too, who has his own things to deal with, he's not going to stop bieng a prick to you. perhaps he's jealous?

    Im not saying that you should accept defeat, im saying it might even be beneficial to try and view the situation as something you could deal with differently.
  3. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    ok i see what your saying
    i view certiain people as pricks who do something negative or hostile towards me when i have done nothing towards them.
    For example, a boy i considered one of my best friends tried to put laxitives in my food and lock me in a basement in a hostel while on a school trip in berlin. I had done absolutely nothing to him. when i found out about this i told him i didnt want to be his friend and stopped talking to him. After this however him and his friends began to attack me almost daily, calling me names, trying to provoke me and sending me emails and facebook messages that try and poke fun at me. At school they throw my gym shoes in teh bin and once filled my locker with rubbish
    i have never done anything to them, and have ignored them every time. But yet they continue. So i think, is it the right idea to ignore them or should i confront them about this? (and btw going to a teacher is not an option for me)
    If theres another way to view the situation please tell me how i should view this one? and how should i deal with it differently?
  4. ACRon

    ACRon Well-Known Member

    ok then

    well, write them a letter, explain in detail the injustice of the situation. post a notice on the notice board that you have written to the bullies and that you expect a prompt apology from them.

    but seriously, you have the right to retaliate. I never really did and im a scum sucking loser, so if you want to end up like me just ignore it.
  5. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    thanks for the advice man
    but to be honest if i wrote a letter, id be laughed at, and it would get even worse
    also im trying to create a facade that none of this bothers me (even though it does) so writing a letter would admit that
    so i dont think im gonna do that
    but thanks anyway :)
  6. ACRon

    ACRon Well-Known Member

    phew :mellow: i was bieng sarcastic :tongue: if you'd of done that you would definately of made things a whole lot worse.
  7. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    oh yeah i just read your post again and realised that
    lol i thought that was weird advice :huh:
  8. icerain

    icerain Well-Known Member

    i deal with hostile people on a daily basis. the trick that works?
    agree with them... it will drive them nuts...add some humour, and they will not know what hit them. right now, you have let them know that they can continue to bully you, and they think that it makes them bigger and stronger. if you can turn it around onto them, life will be better. whitty comebacks are always a favorite.
  9. ACRon

    ACRon Well-Known Member

    yeah, it wasn't good advice, sry :sad:
  10. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    As Icerain says agree with them and throw in some humour. Don't make it sarcastic though. Bullies get a kick out or getting a reaction. If you show that they are really not bothering you they will get bored and move on. Unfortunately only to the next person they will have a go at but that's the nature of bullies. They need to have someone to bully.
    I commend you for not physically fighting them and think this shows a strength on your part. You shouldn't feel weak about that. These people are not worth it.
    Coming here and asking advice on this is good. It's a sensible move and shows you are actually dealing with this well. Best wishes and hope your problems with these people soon dissappear.
  11. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    thanks for the advice icerain and snowraven
    when i saw icerains post i assumed it meant in a sarcastic way
    i dunno if someone says something i dont agree with at all, is it really teh best thing to pretend to agree? Also with adding humour, i dunno if id be fast enough to think of some witty comeback, its hard enough to think of anything when your being attacked or laughed at to think up something funny as well...
  12. Lennie

    Lennie Well-Known Member

    I know that it is never a good thing to use physical violence, but sometimes it feels like it the only alternative. I totally agree that you can't always go to a teacher - And people who tell you that don't understand a modern school environment.

    Although I was never bullied in school as such, there were situations where individuals or groups could have bullied me, but I stopped them by fighting back so they only materialised into one time occasions. Usually that meant physical violence, which I'm not proud of but sometimes school bullies just don't stop when you ignore them and mouthing back just seems to provoke them even more.

    If you think that using physical violence may help and you don't feel comfortable with any other alternatives, then I don't think you can be blamed for fighting back. It may mean you get a bloody nose, but if you show them you're willing to fight back then they may stop - Atleast they did in my experience.

    Just don't let it get to a point where it gets you down and you start blaming yourself. It disgusts me that something like bullying has that affect on people and in some cases leads to suicide.
  13. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    thanks, your the first person whos said that i should fight back physically, and i really dont know about it. Ive really had the urge to go up to these people and just attack them, because i know that i am physically stronger than them and could win in a fight. But ive been trying to put up a facade showing i really dont care about what they have to say, and attacking instead would break that image. Also, i face conflict from so many people, that group who tried to feed me laxitives and do shit to my locker are a small minority, i get idiots all the day trying to start a fight or argument with me and i cant take a swing at anyone who insults me...
    But thanks, its not really the reason why im on this site, but it is frustrating and it doesnt help
  14. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Actually the only real way I think its to be mean back, even if you try witty comebacks that just makes it more acceptable and they assume your cool with it.
  15. Lennie

    Lennie Well-Known Member

    I guess it depends on the nature of the bullies. It sounds like ignoring them doesn't make them go away, so I guess you could try the comebacks that has been suggested a few times.

    I'm not saying that physically violence is the answer to everything, and it certainly shouldn't be used in every situation, but maybe if you fought back against the people who are persistently bullying you then they would get the message. I guess the fact that you are physically superior to them is good back up to have.

    Of course if you aren't comfortable doing that then I hope you find an alternative that helps. It just sucks that there are some w***ers out there who don't play fairly :)
  16. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    thanks, but these kind of people always have to up the ante, if i say something mean back theyd go further and then so would i and so on and so on... i dunno maybe thats the way to deal with it, but im not good in a conflict and dont have the confidence really
    and thanks lennie, yeah i guess ill have it as a last resort
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