Hours or days away from suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by soul-less, Aug 26, 2009.

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  1. soul-less

    soul-less New Member

    I am a 30 year old man who is at the end,

    Well I guess I just dont know where to turn hence why I am on here. Nobody understand my pain I feel. I tried to kill myself twice last year, once by taking a whole lot of pills which as you can tell did not work. The second attempt I hung myself but was found quickly by friends who found me and cut me down.

    At this time I had just lost a girlfriend of 5 years who was my life, now I am in the same boat. I once again stepped into the waters of love cautiously and everything was going great and then BANG, she wanted to be alone, independent and have her space. I did all the mistakes of beggin, pleading, the odd time crying. She had me over the other day after sometime of not talking and started acting as if we were still together. Then the next couple days it was like I wasnt even an after thought?

    This pain is too much for me I am alone, tired, worthless, and life sucks. I really feel I have nothing to live for. i have tried hospitals, shrinks, counslers, friends family, and I dont care anymore. I have it all worked out on how I will do it this time. I got a hose to go from my car muffler to window, and some pills to make me sleep right through the process. I written a last will and testiment, and a note to my friends and family.

    I wont lie I am a little scared of it, but at the same time I have nothing goign for me, my job sucks and I ahvent worked in a month since the break up. I dont eat and barley sleep. There is just no way out my heart is empty and I feel llike I am already dead anyway. I sit her and just stare at the wall and dont move. Its time to stop thiking and talking about doing it and just do it, because I wont have to feel this pain or anything anymore. And that sounds really good.
  2. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    What about living for you?

    I was right where you were. That was a year ago. I had the added bonus of being depressed too and an alcoholic just to make things interesting.

    I think that there is a small part of you that wants to keep on living or you wouldnt have posted here today, now.

    You seem to be a smart guy. I mean, you have gone thru the effort of thinking out the plan, writing out the notes and will and so forth.

    But....I would ask you to consider the following; I mean what have you got to loose, your only going to die anyways right?

    So.....think about this;

    Do you want to die, while your brain is malfunctioning?

    Or would you rather go, normally and happy and sane, as an old man.

    We dont want to die because we want to die, we just want the pain to end.

    That pain can end and you can still live.

    So you have been to all the places already. So what?

    Go back. and then go back again, and again and as many times as it takes.

    You have just as much right to be happy with your life as the rest of us.

    And it's time you started living for you. Just for you.

    Take that hose and drive down to the hospital, hand it over to the ER charge nurse and tell her your plan. Tell her you are ACUTELY suicidal.

    Then....get your brain healed.

    I know you said you have done this before. But do it again.

    What have you got to loose. You can always kill yourself later.

    But....you have found us now, and we aint letting go!

    So....go in and get the help you deserve.

    And then...when you are back out, all of us will help you learn to live, just for you.

    You can do this. And you want to do this, or you wouldnt have joined us.

    I wish you good luck and I pray you will get the help you deserve.
  3. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hey there .. welcome 2 the forum ..
    im sorry that things are really tough right now :hug:
    when relationships end.. it is so hard.. especially when u rely on that person for something.. wether it be emotional support or financial.. sometimes we dont even realise we are becoming/or have become in a way dependant on that person.. until it ends..
    i know it is so very hard 2 stay positive about something when u are in the grips of this.. but please stick around on the forum for a while.. u will see that ur not alone..
    there are so many ppl here that feel/or have felt as u do right now.. and we all try 2 support each other through the hard times..
    take care.. feel free 2 PM me anytime x

  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Please try to hold on and keep posting. I know things are really bad right now, and you're hurting so much. But you can get through this, and you can learn to live your life for YOU, not for anyone else.

    Here if you ever feel like talking, you can drop me a PM anytime.
  5. soul-less

    soul-less New Member

    I am trying but the more I think about it its very calming. Hopefully I can make it trhough to tomorrow but right now its not looking that way. Thanks for you support and advice only for a short few hours
  6. Madison_Rose

    Madison_Rose Active Member

    I know what you mean - thinking about it is calming and reassuring. I'm sorry you're feeling bad. It is possible to get better, and then you'll look back and be so glad you lived. I hope things get better for you.
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I really hope you're still here tomorrow!
  8. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member

    a lot of people here find comfort in letting themselves believe they are going to end it all..so they let go of the burden of all the pain involved in living..and in carrying on.I just wish people could let go of the pain without thinking they have to end it all to let go.You can let go for a while..just for tonight..and see what tomorrow brings.Let us know how you are doing.I'm sorry you are hurting...we will be here for you.
  9. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    be grateful for what you still have.
  10. Pilko

    Pilko Active Member

    I am only new here too and a few days ago I felt like you and I know I probably will again. Even though I haven't yet reached out to my friends and family SF has given me some space to think out loud. You will find some solace to your pain here. I am so sorry to hear about your disappointment in love. You should make this time about you.
  11. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    If you're out of work and noeone is around to support you, you have the option of going on the streets. If you've never done it before, it's almost like an adventure because you see another side of society. It's also very scary sometimes, when you go to new cities and new places with new people. It's scary to be lost and not have any privacy and to worry about losing your possesion, but there're times when you're glad that you atleast don't have to worry about paying your bills and having society expect things of you. You see, when you're on the streets you go through a lot of s***, there's a lot of suffering involved. Confucion said that enlightenment is seen in suffering. In any case, when you go through it you don't feel like you owe society anything. Yes, shelters give you food and you're gratefull and some people will bring you out to eat to talk with you and so on, but you don't feel like you own them anything. Why? Because the loss of privacy and security and the very small carbon footpriint pay for it, and also the experience of seeing another side of the world that most successfull people never see.

    Anyway, I suggest that if you're determined to kill yourself, that instead of doing that, go on an adventure that everyone who's successfull says you can't do. You CAN. Half of the food in this country goes to waste. Restaurants routinely throw perfectly fine food in the garbage when they close down. Grocery stores also throw out perfectly fine vegetables. So do fast food stores. There's TONS and TONS of bread that goes to shelters and STILL goes to waste. There's NO shortage of food in this world, there's just a shortage of good distribution systems and good government that makes choices for the people not at the people.

    Go on an adventure man. Do something your mind says is impossible. Whatever you do, don't harm anyone - that's the only rule you must follow. It's better than killing yourself and never knowing what might have been!

    I don't know about yoru girl thing, but I .. I'm still a virgin and i'm 32. I lust for them, I think about them, I wish I could hug someone and know someone like that. And I keep getting older. I sometimes wonder if I'll always be this way. I hate myself for it. I hate that I have a hard time with people. I like to see girls though. You won't see any girls if you kill yourself. There're some fine looking ones out there... Maybe you're alreayd dead, but I wish I could put a link here to something. WOW. VEry hot. Sucks being a virgin loner :/ I don't want to see you dead because there's more in life you could still see - even at the very bottom there's stuff to see and know.

    If you kill yourself, then you'll just be another statistic. If you stick around, you have a chance at something more. People who're better off than you will never believe you've had pain or been through s***. They won't believe it until you kill yourself, but even then they don't deserve it. They don't know real pain. Real pain is hte kind that makes you want to kill yourself to escape from it because you don't know what else to do. Proving something to them is like proving to a fly that you're worth something because you can fly. If making money and being strong and being happy is all that's important to them, then they're missing out on the other 40% or so of existence that could also serve to teach us about the universe we live in. Explore the depths of darkness and emptiness and servitude and pain and despair and sorrow and loss and death and so on - because I can garuantee you that the "successfull" people will write this stuff off as a meaningless waste of time. It's NOT a waste of time. That's a big chunk of human experience and it may be with us into eternity - so it's worth exploring and dumping it on their happy stoopid faces.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 27, 2009
  12. ccastro2k2

    ccastro2k2 Active Member

    Ok so I cannot give much of a recommendation since I am on my own final path, if you want to call it something, but do not this because of a woman !
    I mean, really, if you are going to do this make sure you have solid reasons and not just because of another person....that does not make sense to me...thena gain, some people might think the same about my reasons....
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