How and Why did I become like this

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by please|remember|me, Feb 19, 2010.

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  1. please|remember|me

    please|remember|me New Member

    sorry for my bad english..

    at an age of 11 or 12, i was usually home alone and eat all by myself.
    at first it's fine with me, because i'm free and i just sit and play in front of my computer. year 2010, i'm all by myself again,
    i don't know the reason but i suddenly cried. i think i am pissed off being all alone. i have a lot of friends, but i feel like i am all alone.
    recently i even celebrated my birthday all alone in the mall. i want to have a meaningful birthday again.

    i also started to hate trusting people. why do people don't know how to keep a secret? i am also losing interest in
    going to school because a friend of mine that i hate most is my classmate. i want someone to talk to but no one is there to
    have a deep conversation with me, they will surely tell other how awful i am. nobody understands me.
    some people even tell me that i only talked to them when i need them, can't they understand that i'm giving my
    full effort to get in touch with them as much as possible?

    is being an introvert a curse? because only 20% in this world are introverts and the rest are normal extroverts.
    i am even scared to start a relationship because there maybe a time when i don't want to talk to anybody, and a
    relationship needs a constant communication. even the girl i loved that i haven't talked to for several days,
    doesn't want to talk to me again. i am 19 and my life is still the same, i have so much love to give but nobody
    wants it, nobody will ever care how much i feel and nobody will ever have the time to understand me because of this revolving busy world.

    i know it may sound like i'm an attention wh0re but i didn't choose to be like this!
    i hope that someday even one person would care to understand and love me for who i am. even just one person... one person.. :(
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 19, 2010
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Have you tried therapy?? I am an isolationist and have been in therapy for five years..I have found it to be very beneficial to my mind set..I only have two close friends and one lives in another state and the otherone lives in a different country..Before I was in therapy I wouldn't talk to anyone..Not even my sister who I live with..Since I have been in therapy she has gotten me to be able to leave the house by myself in the mornings.. And she has me driving again.. That still scares me because my mind drifts..My point is that a good therapist really does help..Give it a go and try it..It takes time because you have to build that bond between you.. I went thru three therapists before I found the one I am with..Good Luck!!
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No it does not sound like attention seeking sound like you reaching out for help.
    Good start as lots of people can relate here. You are so young if you start get treatment therapy now you can have a better life Get on meds as well therapy and meds together work best. You have so much time please call your doctor set up an appt to get therapy okay so living can start again. We are here keep talking okay keep reaching out
  4. please|remember|me

    please|remember|me New Member

    thanks guys, i'll try to have a therapy as soon as possible. but i don't know how and where to start, what should i say to the doctor? i'm scared
    yesterday is another bad day for me..
    me and my friends played a game
    when suddenly one of my friends get a little cocky and disturbing.
    a lot of my friends were laughing at his cockiness towards me
    i wanted to punch him in the face, but i didn't
    i'm starting to hate myself, why can't i fight back?
    is it alright to show that people can't mess around with you?
    i'm thinking of the consequences but he's already getting into my nerves
    sometimes i'm wondering if i should teach him a lesson
    i'm wondering if i would lessen my friends if i do that
    and by the way that cocky friend i'm referring to is the friend that i hate most which is my classmate now.
    i don't know what to do
    if this sucked up life would continue, i would rather kill myself to end this miserable pain
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 20, 2010
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