How bullying effected me

Discussion in 'Bullying and Violence' started by Malcontent, Feb 14, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    Bullying is sometimes seen as not much of a serious thing. It's often added as an afterthought in the list of things that can happened in childhood that effect your adult life. A bastard cousin to sexual abuse, domestic abuse, witnessing substance abuse etc. It's often accepted that when it's happening bullying can be hell, but then when you're out of school you're expected to get over it. But as I've been exploring my problems during therapy, I've realised it was being bullied that has messed up my abilty to cope with the world most (I've also been through the other things I listed). I really need to admit to myself that the bullying I went through was severe and it's no wonder I have trouble connecting to people because of it. And it's not because I'm weak.

    I was bullied in my first week of school. By a teacher of all people. She tried to split me and my best friend up, because he was middle class and smart and was poor and seemingly less than bright. This continued through a lot of the first 6 years of school. Bad teachers thought I was a bad influence on him. You should be able to rely on teachers not to do that. But at least before I went to high school I had two very close friends. But then at 11 we moved and I went to a different school where I knew absolutely no one. And I was constantly ignored regected and shunned. For what, I have no idea. Two boys attempted to rape me in my second week there. The back of my seat was pushed constantly, in class and on the bus. I went through puberty early, so I had spots and greasy hair at 12, and was bullied for that. It was said I didn't wash. I was called fat, stupid, ugly, a freak, gay, disgusting, you name it. I was kicked, punched, spat on. People said they liked me then would laugh and call me stupid and ugly and told that no one would ever like me. At 13 I broke my foot, and I was told that the bones must not have been able to take the weight. Then I had my crutches stolen after being beaten round the head with them. I was ignored, left behind, deliberately ditched, and constantly made fun of. Which led me to me effectivly being a mute for 2 years. The only people I talked to in the world were my parents, and only then when I had to. People at school could say anything they wanted to, they'd get no reaction from me. I also developed anorexia, started self harming, and made my first suicide attempt. Finally I left school and things were better in college, until I got into an abusive relationship (but that's another story).

    This has all led to me being someone who can't stand being laughed at, who is afraid of teenagers, to whom rejection is the worst thing in the world, and who expects to be abandoned by everyone. For the majority of my childhood I was hated all day every day by everyone I knew. Is it such a surprise that I constantly expect it to happen again?
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Mal what you went through was absolutely horrid and those people, well I hope karma comes around and bites them in their pathetic asses. I can understand why you expect it to happen again, because i've experienced it not so much in bullying but in being used for only one thing. I see you today and yes you are stills ad but i see you as strong because you have gotten throught hat part of your life and you are still here which is a positive thing in my eyes. Love yah mal if you need ot talk im here...
  3. Jess

    Jess Guest

    :hug: :cheekkiss:
  4. Freakstorm

    Freakstorm Member

    I know how you feel as much as someone who's also been there can. Take care hun, you should get this published. Bullying is never given the seriousness it needs.
  5. ashla86

    ashla86 Active Member

    I'm afraid of teenagers now too. Everytime when I see a group of them I cross the road or I turn and go a different way. I don't want to be one of those adults who hate teenagers but I am afraid I might be. I used to hate it when I was a teenager and you'd here people complain that all teens are irresponsible, don't care about anyone, etc and I would wonder if they remembered their teen years at all and how they were like.
    But now I think I am like that. If I hear that someone had set a dumpster on fire I will think "Oh a teenager probably did it because all teens are idiots" when meanwhile I know that's not true. I just have resentment against them because of what happened to me when I was a teen. I afterall was only a teen a couple years ago so it's a bit messed up that I am already forgetting what it was like to be one.

    I was also bullied by teachers. I have had a learning disabilty all my life so some of my teachers would be rude to me about it. The one teacher thought it was funny when I refused to do a presentation in front of the class because I was too nervous to do presentations. She told me to grow up. I can totally relate to a lot of what you just said.

    I hope things get better for you.

    Lately I've been thinking about joining bullying programs and then speaking at schools just to let people know how serious it is. In my county there are a lot more anti-bullying programs than there used to be. Which I am glad about because people should not have to do through it.
  6. Jolanta

    Jolanta Member & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Mal,
    I apologize for the late response to your thread but I've been avoiding the issue as it is a trigger for me. Today I happen to be feeling especially strong and hoped you would be interested in my two cents worth.
    I cried as I read your post because I saw myself in you. My classmates picked on me so badly that the minute I graduated high school, I left town and didn't come back for thirty years except to visit my family. There was another reason I ran away from home, too but I won't go into that here.
    I am now 47 years old and have an invitation to my thirty year class reunion. I am debating whether to go or not. I am wondering if thirty years maturity will make them forget they didn't like me.
    When I left home I joined the Army, where it was predicted i would fail by my classmates. I actually bloomed in the Army. I came out of my shell and developed self confidence I didn't know I had in me. I was promoted to junior NCO before I left the Army to raise a family.
    Now I don't think I hate teenagers (I'm not sure) but I don't think they are willing to accept responsibility for their actions. I have teenage nieces and nephews and I'm constantly shaking my head over things they say and do.
    If you ever want to chat, I'm on MSN. I can honestly say I know how you feel on this one.
  7. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    im so sorry to hear you had such a bad time at school :(
    i had to deal with bullying and so i know how you feel. it sucks.

    im here if you need to talk

    i hope you keep strong. we wouldnt want THEM kind of people to win. you are worth so much more than people like that

  8. p3cky

    p3cky Account Closed

    i am so sorry to hear that.
    have any of you heard the song Jeremy by pearl jam well if you havent its about a boy around 14 i think and he was bullied and in the end he couldnt take it his parents ignored him and he stood up infront of his whole class and shot him self pretty much, its a very passion et song.
  9. Death By Foo-Foo

    Death By Foo-Foo New Member

    Malcontent, thanks for not getting pissed off and shooting up your school. That type of shit is not worth it. <deleted for encouraging suicide> but people that take others with them are scum. Way to be strong about that cruel shit.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 26, 2007
  10. Jolanta

    Jolanta Member & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Death by Foo-Foo,
    You are SO wrong. This is a pro-life forum and the goal is for us NOT to take our own lives. We are here to listen to each other and lend moral support to each other. We are not here to tell others that its OK to take our own lives.
    I'm glad Malcontent did not go to school and shoot anyone, but I'm also glad he didn't take his own life.
  11. Death By Foo-Foo

    Death By Foo-Foo New Member

    Yeah, the other people in my welcome thread informed me about the pro-life shit. Personally, I am an advocate of population control, including self-termination. I believe that it is perfectly FINE and NORMAL to want to take your own life.....just leave the others that want to continue living alone.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.