Bullying is sometimes seen as not much of a serious thing. It's often added as an afterthought in the list of things that can happened in childhood that effect your adult life. A bastard cousin to sexual abuse, domestic abuse, witnessing substance abuse etc. It's often accepted that when it's happening bullying can be hell, but then when you're out of school you're expected to get over it. But as I've been exploring my problems during therapy, I've realised it was being bullied that has messed up my abilty to cope with the world most (I've also been through the other things I listed). I really need to admit to myself that the bullying I went through was severe and it's no wonder I have trouble connecting to people because of it. And it's not because I'm weak. I was bullied in my first week of school. By a teacher of all people. She tried to split me and my best friend up, because he was middle class and smart and was poor and seemingly less than bright. This continued through a lot of the first 6 years of school. Bad teachers thought I was a bad influence on him. You should be able to rely on teachers not to do that. But at least before I went to high school I had two very close friends. But then at 11 we moved and I went to a different school where I knew absolutely no one. And I was constantly ignored regected and shunned. For what, I have no idea. Two boys attempted to rape me in my second week there. The back of my seat was pushed constantly, in class and on the bus. I went through puberty early, so I had spots and greasy hair at 12, and was bullied for that. It was said I didn't wash. I was called fat, stupid, ugly, a freak, gay, disgusting, you name it. I was kicked, punched, spat on. People said they liked me then would laugh and call me stupid and ugly and told that no one would ever like me. At 13 I broke my foot, and I was told that the bones must not have been able to take the weight. Then I had my crutches stolen after being beaten round the head with them. I was ignored, left behind, deliberately ditched, and constantly made fun of. Which led me to me effectivly being a mute for 2 years. The only people I talked to in the world were my parents, and only then when I had to. People at school could say anything they wanted to, they'd get no reaction from me. I also developed anorexia, started self harming, and made my first suicide attempt. Finally I left school and things were better in college, until I got into an abusive relationship (but that's another story). This has all led to me being someone who can't stand being laughed at, who is afraid of teenagers, to whom rejection is the worst thing in the world, and who expects to be abandoned by everyone. For the majority of my childhood I was hated all day every day by everyone I knew. Is it such a surprise that I constantly expect it to happen again?