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how can I ever love myself...when I am a monster

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Professor_Spiff, Nov 16, 2012.

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  1. Professor_Spiff

    Professor_Spiff Well-Known Member

    They all say you need to love yourself before anyone else can love you....how the hell can I love myself when I push my friends away, when I always get rejected by life, when I hurt myself. Does it even matter if I love myself, because there's no one left around to love me when I do. I just don't want to be a lone any longer....but I know I'm always going to be alone.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    To me, you do not sound like a monster...you sound like you are in pain...and yes, being compassionate towards yourself is very important...I have found that the more value I have found in myself, the more I am able to relate to others
  3. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Love yourself when you feel nobody else does - it is a tough one. The age old question - "which came first - the chicken or the egg?" -- The real answer is it does not matter now. I do not know if you are so hard on yourself because other people pushed you to it or if your being so hard pushed other people away. It also does not matter. You can only have any control over one of these things. You can't force people to like you or want to be around you - and I know for a fact when my moods set in I am horrible company and do not blame people for wanting to not be around me. What you can do is try to get support from somewhere to work on th epart you can have some small influence over. Perhaps you get some here and it may be helpful... maybe you can get professional help, psyche or meds , or counseling/therapy. Changing everything at once is too hard, near impossible. But deciding to make 2 phone calls today to try to get information for services available next week may be possible. It may be very hard to stop cutting - but maybe you can choose to not cut today or this weekend and stick to it...

    Any small progress makes it seem at least possible that more can be done and gives confidence to try more. In that progress there may be set backs, but do not concentrate on the setback - if you cant make it for the weekend be proud you made it until Friday night and try again on Saturday to not cut. If you do not talk and simply hang up up the phone then be proud you dialed it anyway. Hell, be proud you took 10 minute to look up or google the phone number. Try to measure your day by the things you did manage instead of the things you did not and you will start to feel incrementally better about your efforts and have energy to try more. When you start to feel better about that you will feel better about yourself, and then you will start to see reasons people might want to be around you. If you can see those reasons then so will they...

    Take Care and Be Safe

  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hard to show compassion to oneself when all one feels is hatred inside i know hun and pain Ihope you continue to talk here ok. My T ask me to do one thing and that is talk to one person a day if you can Even if you just say hi Reaching out in small ways like that gives something back to you hun We as humans have to have connections or we fall deeper into darkness. If you cannot say hi then just smile ok. I hope you hun continue to talk to us ok You will see that you are not so alone now hugs
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