How can i go on without him? PLEASE HELP!

[Shauna Lea]

I just wish i could dissapear, or go to sleep for a year and wake up when hes ready to b wit me again, or when ive forgotten about him! i cant deal wit this anymore! i dont even kno y i still want to b wit him when i found out he was lying to me for over half our relatinship, im being so stupid! i always knew that falling in love wit him was dangerous but i ignored my gut and now look where it got me. I can only sleep for about 3 hours every nite, and for those 3 hours i am constantly having nightmares. How do i get over him? ive tried ignoring him, ive tried trying to b friends, ive tried to get him bac, iv tried to change...nothing works! its just a never ending cycle. I had depression b4 i met him and he saved me from all that...so now who do i turn to? he is the only one that can make this better and if he's not able to then i see no point in anything! it hurts to wake up ech morning without him, it hurts to know that we may never b together, it hurts to talk to him but then it hurts when i dont. It hurts to breathe without him! what can i do? How can i get him bac? Y does he want time alone when i gave him everyting he needed? im so confused and i cant go on like this! PLEASE HELP!

 

[AndyJP]

Hi, don't worry, we're here to talk to. :smile: It is a painful time right after the end of a relationship, but you must realize that if he is to want you back, it's his own doing and you can do nothing to influence it. You cannot allow him or any other guy to be your lifeline, you must learn to be happy by yourself or you will be insecure in any relationship and may drive people away. It's a hard lesson that i'm trying to deal with myself.

 

[dilbertrob]

Helpless, I know how you are feeling. Six months ago, my wife left me after 7 1/2 years of marriage with no reason. I have gone through all the things you are going through. Begging, ignoring her, blaming myself, etc. It gets you no where. What I have found is that no matter what you do, you cannot force someone to love you. Either they have that in their heart or they don't. It's not your fault. That is the most important thing you can realize. He is responsible for his own actions, not you. In the same vein, you can't force yourself to not have feelings for him. The pain is going to be there, there is no way around that. What you have to do is find ways of dealing with that pain and getting through it. There are better days on the other side, trust me. I still desperatle want my wife to come back to me, but I have no control over that. All I can do is take care of myself and live my life the best way I know how. I find different ways to distract myself from the loneliness, but it still hits me hard sometimes. Right now you need to focus on you and make sure you are doing what you need to cope and survive. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. I know how bad it hurts and how it seems it will never get better, but trust me, you can get through this. If you need to talk to someone PM me or post here. The people here are always supportive and wonderful. Best of luck. Rob.

 

[Shauna Lea]

Thanx for ur replies! But the things is that he says he does still love me, do u think hes telling the truth or just trying to stop more fights and pain? if he loved me wouldnt he have been honest wit me from the start? would he have left me home alone on new years? i odnt understand....is it just immaturity? is he lying? i dont kno what to believe n e more.

 

[Terry]

Hun to repeat what Rob said, you need to look to you. My husband upped and walked out on ten years of marriage without a word.
Guess what he says he still loves me but......

Well if thats love you can stuff it. The first few weeks are the worse and I have found hoping he'll come back has crippled me and set me back countless times.
It's been 3 months now, I still cry most every night, but I can at least get thru the day now. Ask your doc for some sleeping pills just to get you thru the worst of it.

 

[dilbertrob]

I'll make it 3 for 3 and tell you that my ex says she love me too. I know she cares about me, but she is no longer in love with me. That was especially painful after all we had been through together. What I have found is words are cheap. If he loves you, then he would show it through his actions. As hard as it is, you need to not make him the focal point of your life. Do some things for you. It hurts like hell now I know, but you have to try to get on with living. Once I realized there was nothing that I could do to make her want me again, I was able to let go somewhat. I still have terrible days and get really down sometimes, but time will ease some of the pain. Hang in there and feel free to PM me if you need to talk.