how can i grow a pair?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by pauly_L, May 17, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. pauly_L

    pauly_L New Member

    fuk ill try to write it again.....

    can anyone help me grow a pair... i want to die so bad but i ran out of balls.... i got the <Mod edit, WildCherry: Methods> system all ready, but id rather sleep and dream... wont it be just the same except i dont have to wake up... every time i wake up im cranky becuase im not alseep dreaming where no1 can bother me.

    so in short, how do i get more strength to follow throu????

    in summary im a 26 yr old male, who has wanted to die since primary school, i used to write poems about death and dispear, my principal rang my mum and then i found out no feels like me. i used to walk around by myself every lunch, just wondering the school yard...

    every year the desire to die just got so strong, i remember in high school i would just walk home during the middle of class so i could go 2 bed and cry.

    then i started to feel nothing, no laughter, no good feelings.. ever... if i seen something funny i would not laugh...

    at 19 my best friend... my only friend suicided... i couldnt belive he did it before me, his life was so much better, i wanted his life so much, but he died...

    i seen how suicide effects people.... its not good, so i said i wouldnt do it....

    i tryed to get friends, i tryed to get help

    no1 wants 2 be friends with me, im a loser, skinny, ugly, girls despise me, dumb, weak, no hand eye co ordination, no social skills, no dress sence, im the person 2 aviod at all costs. it trakes me 14x longer to learn something.. anything.. then an average person.

    when i tryed to get help i got locked up, police came and got me and i got locked in a room in the hospital. dont reach out, what ever you do, u will scare off anyone who knows you, and u will get put away, with no easy way to kill urself then. only reach out if ur female... it only ok for a female to cry, people will help u then.

    the only family i got is my mum,

    im so distanced from her now i wont hurt her if i die, i iscolated my self from everyone, i cant hurt anyone if i die, i dont want friends anymore, just want to be left alone

    there is no hope for the future.... just a minimum wage job. no woman could ever love an ugly retart man making minimum wage... just some bills and 2 days off a week is all i got to make myself happy...

    i dont feel happyness anymore, i dont feel anyhting anymore... no laughter, no joy, no excitment.

    the only feelings i feel now, is hot/cold and hunger and the need to go 2 the bathroom, thats all i feel

    i know, i know,i know things will never get better, i know i will not laugh again. i know i will not feel a good feeling.

    so y am i just sitting here typing? why dont i have the balls to <Mod edit, WildCherry: Methods>? everything i ever wanted is right there if i turn on the <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>..... but im just a loser with no balls......
    Last edited by a moderator: May 17, 2011
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just wanted to say welcome to the site.

    SF is a pro-life site, so nobody will encourage you to hurt yourself in any way. I hope you're willing to talk here, gain some support and possibly make some friends (if it's something you're willing to do).

    Guys cry too, and reach out, It's not just OK for females, it's OK for anyone. Hope you'll come back and post again.
  3. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Consider that living, despite the problems you may have, takes more courage than giving up and throwing in the towel. Your hesitation is not from a lack of bravery. You don't want to do this because a part of you wants to live. Perhaps you'll read this and scoff at me, declaring that I don't know what I'm talking about and that every fibre of your being wants out of life. I don't think so. There is a part of you, maybe small, maybe subconscious, that doesn't want to accept defeat just yet.

    And damnit man, holding in your tears helps nothing. It will only make you feel worse.
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    hey, welcome here!

    it sounds like you have had a lot of pain in your life. have you tried therapy?

    I think that things can get better for you, and I hope that they will!

    I think that you can find some support here. I think a lot of people feel like the support that they get here has been helpful to them

    When you reached out, I'm guessing that you told someone that you were feeling suicidal. I think that you may have been put in the hospital because they thought that it was necessary to keep you from killing yourself. Being put in the hospital may have been bad for you, but I don't think that it was intended to be a punishment, or that you were blamed for something.

    Isolating yourself from people that you care about and that care about you won't keep them from being hurt. I think that isolating yourself is hurting them and also hurting you.

    Why not give your mom a call? If she is a good mom and she cares about you, I think that she would like to hear from you.

    I think that isolating yourself is your way of reacting to all of the pain that you have felt in your life. I think that maybe isolating yourself and giving yourself put downs is your way of crying out for the love that you need in your life, of reacting to the pain of not having the love that you need

    I don't think that anyone really wants to die, they just want their pain to end. I think it's a good thing that you are resisting suicide. I think that things can get better for you, but it's important to try to find what will help you. I think that trying to connect with people rather than isolating might be a good start

    I think that you don't realize all of the good things about you. I bet that you are really a caring and sensitive person, and you haven't been given the praise that you deserve

    please keep talking to us here! I love you and I want you to get better and have happiness in your life!

    :hug: :hug: :hug:
  5. Groznyji

    Groznyji Active Member

    You're not dumb, ugly, or weak (but you might be skinny!). You only feel that you are because you're depressed. If your perception of yourself changed, the way others perceive you would change as well. I have some friends who really aren't anything special in terms if their looks or wit, but people love to be around them simply because they're happy and full of energy.

    It's not something you can do overnight, but you have to find a way to generate some energy yourself.

    Why do you think girls don't like you? Do you ever ask anyone out on a date? And if you DO ask girls out, do you ask A LOT of them out? Most guys get rejected a hell of a lot more than not.

    As far as the job is concerned, you can get promoted. You won't be making minimum wage your entire life. You're still young, and I know a lot of people who are around 26 who don't even HAVE jobs.

    And if you're worried that your job will prevent you from getting a girlfriend... well, do you want a girlfriend whose primary concern is your job and your salary? Judging by your post, you seem like a caring, reflective person. A person who wants some romance. I can't imagine that's the type of person you want to attract.

    Anyway, PM me. I'd like to talk to you more if you're willing to share more of your story with me.
  6. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Have you considered trying to strengthen your bond with your mother? She could help you get through this.

    Just a thought.
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I can hear how depressed and overwhelmed you are in your post..
    have you ever had therapy, meds ?

    do you have a psych doc?

    dont give up ok..
    at least stay and talk to us because there's so many here who understand your pain..

    I agree that letting your Mum help you through this is a good idea..

    you don't need to go it alone while ever you have a Mum who loves you..
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Go out and treat yourself.. Go buy some new clothes, ask the clerk to help you if you don't know what to buy.. Maybe even get a trendy haircut.. These two things should help your self esteem..Then you can approach a girl with your new found confidence and ask her out..Exercise also helps with your depression..
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.