fuk ill try to write it again.....
can anyone help me grow a pair... i want to die so bad but i ran out of balls.... i got the <Mod edit, WildCherry: Methods> system all ready, but id rather sleep and dream... wont it be just the same except i dont have to wake up... every time i wake up im cranky becuase im not alseep dreaming where no1 can bother me.
so in short, how do i get more strength to follow throu????
in summary im a 26 yr old male, who has wanted to die since primary school, i used to write poems about death and dispear, my principal rang my mum and then i found out no feels like me. i used to walk around by myself every lunch, just wondering the school yard...
every year the desire to die just got so strong, i remember in high school i would just walk home during the middle of class so i could go 2 bed and cry.
then i started to feel nothing, no laughter, no good feelings.. ever... if i seen something funny i would not laugh...
at 19 my best friend... my only friend suicided... i couldnt belive he did it before me, his life was so much better, i wanted his life so much, but he died...
i seen how suicide effects people.... its not good, so i said i wouldnt do it....
i tryed to get friends, i tryed to get help
no1 wants 2 be friends with me, im a loser, skinny, ugly, girls despise me, dumb, weak, no hand eye co ordination, no social skills, no dress sence, im the person 2 aviod at all costs. it trakes me 14x longer to learn something.. anything.. then an average person.
when i tryed to get help i got locked up, police came and got me and i got locked in a room in the hospital. dont reach out, what ever you do, u will scare off anyone who knows you, and u will get put away, with no easy way to kill urself then. only reach out if ur female... it only ok for a female to cry, people will help u then.
the only family i got is my mum,
im so distanced from her now i wont hurt her if i die, i iscolated my self from everyone, i cant hurt anyone if i die, i dont want friends anymore, just want to be left alone
there is no hope for the future.... just a minimum wage job. no woman could ever love an ugly retart man making minimum wage... just some bills and 2 days off a week is all i got to make myself happy...
i dont feel happyness anymore, i dont feel anyhting anymore... no laughter, no joy, no excitment.
the only feelings i feel now, is hot/cold and hunger and the need to go 2 the bathroom, thats all i feel
i know, i know,i know things will never get better, i know i will not laugh again. i know i will not feel a good feeling.
so y am i just sitting here typing? why dont i have the balls to <Mod edit, WildCherry: Methods>? everything i ever wanted is right there if i turn on the <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>..... but im just a loser with no balls......
can anyone help me grow a pair... i want to die so bad but i ran out of balls.... i got the <Mod edit, WildCherry: Methods> system all ready, but id rather sleep and dream... wont it be just the same except i dont have to wake up... every time i wake up im cranky becuase im not alseep dreaming where no1 can bother me.
so in short, how do i get more strength to follow throu????
in summary im a 26 yr old male, who has wanted to die since primary school, i used to write poems about death and dispear, my principal rang my mum and then i found out no feels like me. i used to walk around by myself every lunch, just wondering the school yard...
every year the desire to die just got so strong, i remember in high school i would just walk home during the middle of class so i could go 2 bed and cry.
then i started to feel nothing, no laughter, no good feelings.. ever... if i seen something funny i would not laugh...
at 19 my best friend... my only friend suicided... i couldnt belive he did it before me, his life was so much better, i wanted his life so much, but he died...
i seen how suicide effects people.... its not good, so i said i wouldnt do it....
i tryed to get friends, i tryed to get help
no1 wants 2 be friends with me, im a loser, skinny, ugly, girls despise me, dumb, weak, no hand eye co ordination, no social skills, no dress sence, im the person 2 aviod at all costs. it trakes me 14x longer to learn something.. anything.. then an average person.
when i tryed to get help i got locked up, police came and got me and i got locked in a room in the hospital. dont reach out, what ever you do, u will scare off anyone who knows you, and u will get put away, with no easy way to kill urself then. only reach out if ur female... it only ok for a female to cry, people will help u then.
the only family i got is my mum,
im so distanced from her now i wont hurt her if i die, i iscolated my self from everyone, i cant hurt anyone if i die, i dont want friends anymore, just want to be left alone
there is no hope for the future.... just a minimum wage job. no woman could ever love an ugly retart man making minimum wage... just some bills and 2 days off a week is all i got to make myself happy...
i dont feel happyness anymore, i dont feel anyhting anymore... no laughter, no joy, no excitment.
the only feelings i feel now, is hot/cold and hunger and the need to go 2 the bathroom, thats all i feel
i know, i know,i know things will never get better, i know i will not laugh again. i know i will not feel a good feeling.
so y am i just sitting here typing? why dont i have the balls to <Mod edit, WildCherry: Methods>? everything i ever wanted is right there if i turn on the <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>..... but im just a loser with no balls......
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