I been fucked since the age of 15, to briefly summarize my life. Lived a white boy in shitty ghetto neighborhoods because of my parents where I had anything going on and few friends. A few times afflicted with some shitty illnesses that took quite a time and many doctor visits and meds to beat. Also suffered very bad shyness to girls. Along I had severe acne that wouldn't go away until I took accutane "the miracle drug" so they called and yes it was a miracle. I beaten each and every thing, so why am I complaining? Me today... 21 years old, very handsome with a large penis it's like I been blessed (yes some folks couldn't regognize me from back in the days), smart, confident and get looks from girls wherever I go, clubs especially. Also live in good neighborhood. My problems, I have no friends, even though I live in NYC but all people just seem to be anynonymous, and plus I have no way to meet people. I don't go anywhere since I ain't go nobody. I don't got a job since I'm so fucking depressed and I don't wanna work no shit job for peanuts. So I make my living selling weed. (I don't drink or do drugs ever). And can't and never had a girlfriend only got laid once and that was with an escort. Why can't I get girls? Very little skills although I ain't scared to talk to girls just nothing much to say which makes me worthless. Sure I could get a ugly chick but no thanks. They like my looks but that won't get me far. Sure I gotten numbers many times but nothing ever happens! Always the same story they are too busy or after a few phone conversations just get uninterested in me (wonder whyhmy. At this rate I can never got anybody, and looking at this will go on and on. Where do I meet all these girls? Well on the street only, that's my only place where I can anyway, and fuck these damn bars and clubthey suck and don't work for me at all. Besides meeting people and girls there is the worst place. Everybody is high or drunk and just jumping to the music. What really pisses me off the most, I meet such pretty girls sometimes, get their number and then well nothing. And what kills me the most, some other guy gets them! And on top me being handsome and a big cock even pisses me off more. What's the point for me to look good so I can smile in the mirror or keep hearing these compliments from people that I should be a model!? And as for my big cock!? So I can jerk off and say to myself, WOW, I'm big!? I can't put the only things I have to use! My other problem, I am very ill right now with laryngopharyngeol reflux, it's a condition where stomach acid backs up to your throat (go figure how miserable I feel). I been suffering for 1 1/2 years and am on daily meds and only get like 40-50% relief which still makes me feel like shit. I been to numerous docs and tests and they can't do nothing. Some docs just said live with it and take your meds and pray for a miracle. One doc who can't help me either said "don't live with it" (NO SHIT!!) because this problem lingers I may have some serious complication in my voicebox in the near future including cancer! There is a surgery to correct this problem but it's a very difficult surgery and there is a good chance it may do more harm then good and no doc would recommend me the surgery anyway. I put up with everything in my life, so many times I been suicidal, I even started to accept my girl problem and thought I'll just keep trying and maybe I'll do something right, but since my illness struck me this put me down completely. I just can't hang anymore. Since I live in NYC and it's cold here, my throat feels so terrible when I walk outside, that I'm forced to be housebound some days and wishing I was dead. I just dunno where to go. I can't live on with my throat like this and having nobody. I now I'm young now but I'm not getting any younger!! Another several years from now I'm already in my late 20s, I refuse to piss my years away. And since I been so ill with this problem I have tormented my parents and my mother always shed tears. I just lost myself lately. And on top moving into this new neighborhood since about a year it's impossible to meet somebody nobody hangs out here just walk through. I'm going insane. Please somebody help me, no damn doc or psyhciatrist can for sure!!