How can I help my ex girlfriend after her second attempted suicide?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Jpalmer, Aug 16, 2016.

  1. Jpalmer

    Jpalmer New Member

    Hello everyone. Firstly I would like to say it's great to see so many people getting help from this site. Secondly, I am NOT suicidal, this post is in reference to my ex-girlfriend. I could make this a very long post, but I will do my best to keep it fairly brief. She and I met two years ago, I can tell you now I am a personal trainer, life coach and group fitness instructor, I have a hero complex. Before I had met her she had attempted suicide at the age of 18 and went to a mental facility for it. The two years that we were together she never attempted it, let alone spoke about it. We had alot of incredibly fun times ( travel, friends, comedy shows etc) but I also saw the sad/numb side of her. We have had our issues, she cheated on me about 8 months ago, but we got back together and things seemed to be going well. About a month ago she broke up with me and decided she needed to move back from with her family up north. It was a two year relationship and she said she was my best friend and forever grateful. We did not fight during the relationship and we had a very loving goodbye. However it is important to note that we did NOT have good communication. It is also important to note that she has depression, anxiety, no friends and developed bulimia after our trip to Europe together in late May. She was taking meds for her anxiety and depression ( recently a new anti- depressant) and seeing a therapist and psychiatrist. So when we broke up I experienced the usual heartache, but gave her space. However last night, her father called me at 12am telling me that she texted him saying she fucked up and <mod edit - methods>. I raced over there and found her with <mod edit - method details>. The last thing she was looking at was my facebook and my ex ex girlfriends facebook. She was taken to the hospital and I spent the last 24 hours with her. At the start of the evening she was incredibly loving ( kissing, I love you, I missed you etc) and after the PET team came in she turned incredibly cold to me and her family ( especially her parents). She has been taken to a facility and I truly am at a loss of what to do. I don't know who she is, the loving confused scared girl, or the cold one I witnessed. I want to visit her, I want to be there for her, I want to love her. She has nobody but her family and maybe 3 or 4 co-workers who don't really know her. I can't help but feel guilt for some reason, I just want her better. Any advice on this issue would be greatly appreciated.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 16, 2016
  2. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi JP and welcome to SF. Very saddened by your story here. Just pleased you are ok and wanting to help your ex, most would run a mile in your shoes, kudos for not doing that.

    The simple answer is you cant stop her if she is determined to end her life. You cannot be with a person 24/7, thats why she is now being looked after elsewhere, to try and keep her safe because they can watch her 24/7. Just by being around, being supportive, reassuring her is about as much as you can do. Just make sure you are doing this for the right reasons, guilt is not one of them. She broke it off with you remember, so you have nothing to feel guilty about. You should be proud of yourself for giving a damn.

    It could be a personality disorder and hopefully, with the right care and treatment, she can learn to manage everything better. Its important her family step up to the plate now, no matter how cold she is towards them. The fact she is self harming on top of everything else shows just how emotionally disturbed she is right now. She is going to be incredibly vulnerable and you need to be very careful that you dont give her any false hopes of you getting back together if thats not what you want. The fact that you care so deeply is admirable, but to someone else, it could be interpreted otherwise so just be aware of that trap.

    Best of luck, I hope she will be ok and I would be grateful if you could keep us updated on her progress and your own. Feel free to visit SF anytime, because carers need support as well and we are here for anyone who needs someone at any time, for any reason ok. Take care.
    Petal and moxman like this.
  3. gravylynn

    gravylynn Member

    I don't know how to answer you. I just wish that everyone was looking to help as much as you are. My current girlfriend just ignored me LITERALLY after my recent attempt. I was still lying on the couch.

    In my opinion, between you and your ex, I think you just need to walk away. I think she may just need to have her family support system right now and you may just complicate things. Time.