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How can I not Execute my Plan?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Forgotten_Man, Mar 17, 2010.

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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I am at a cross roads here. After dealing with certain issues in my life. I have come to hate myself more than ever. The details are a little to personal for a public thread. If you wish to PM me to help me figure out how to hate myself less I am more than willing to discuss that in the privacy.

    So I have a reasonably sound suicide plan. I need to know how I can keep myself from going through with it tonight. Every second that passes my life loses value. The people around me do not matter as I am sure the longer I am around them the more I hurt them. Right now killing myself seems like a favor to the world. How can I keep myself from doing it?
  2. ASolitaryBlue

    ASolitaryBlue Well-Known Member

    I know what it's like to have a plan that you are totally capable of acting out, and I know that trying not to carry through with it when it seems like there's no point in living is a terribly hard thing to do. The only thing that's been able to keep me from doing myself it was someone i knew that kept me talking to them through the night until i managed to fall asleep. Taking drugs so you fall asleep instead of staying awake thinking about it might help too. Stay on this site, and keep talking to us so we can keep you here.

    Another thing that might help is if there is anything you like left in this world, a pet, time spent outside, a cartoon show, anythinggggg think about that. I know I love being outdoors on my own and thinking of an old dream of mine to get away from society and live in alaska in the wilderness helps sometimes, other times it doesn't. Its worth a shot.

    Keep talking, and if you want to pm ill be more than willing to try and help you through the night. I love you my friend *hugs*
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well I am going to try and distract myself by buying a new mouse. But that will only delay me I think. Neither of my cats like to sit on my lap.

    I am going to try to make it till tomorrow. Then I can work over time. I can start working 15 hour days until I collapse. It is just so very hard to keep the facade up when I am like this.. and I cannot take any more sick days at work.

    I can keep talking I guess. Though the only thing I can talk about is why my existence wants to make me hurl. Best to get my story straigh eh?
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Ha ha, it is funny how only one person can think of ways to keep me from killing myself.
  5. ASolitaryBlue

    ASolitaryBlue Well-Known Member

    its not funny. everyone here cares. its cruel to leave all of us behind if you go.
  6. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I just think it is funny. I was looking for any suggestion, any suggestion at all. And I only get one reply. I just had to laugh. The word plan did not set anyone off, it is hilarious.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Here's some suggestions to help you get through the night,

    Write an email to the samaritans. samaritans.org write what you feel you can't write here, it will help to get it out.

    Visit this webpage, it has a heap of distractions for suicide thoughts http://suicide.com/suicidecrisiscenter/distraction.html

    I know what it feels like to hate yourself, but really others dont feel that way about us, you made a mistake, everyone does. Don't beat yourself up because you're not perfect,no one is! :arms:
  8. bluegreenblack

    bluegreenblack New Member

    I'm new here and we are both reaching out in some capacity.. I guess my only obstacle to going through with my own plan is how much I'm going to hurt the couple that took me in when I was 15 and had run away from home.
    I'm almost 45 now and clinically depressed, unemployed and suffer from chronic fatigue. I'm staying with them as of right now and I just feel like a burden..I'm running out of money and i need knee surgery from a lifetime of skiing and skatebording...They are on a fixed income now after giving all their savings to my now ex sister in law so she could continue to live well back in Cali.. I don't know where you live in Co. I'm down here in Pueblo..not the most stimulating of environments.. I suppose if I just went to a clinic and said 'Look..I need some medication, 'cause I'm seriously within a week of just saying FUCK IT.'
    My life has been a mixed bag of good and bad times. I've lived a reasonably full life up to this point. I think the main thing is my reluctance to seek professional help...So, i don't know..Like I said I'm new and this is the first time I've ever discussed this with anyone..aside from my brother. And he's in China teaching them how to eliminate ALL manufacturing jobs in the U.S.(I'm a machinist, by the way..go figure) I guess I'm kind of in the same boat as you..
  9. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    IrishDoll:I just went to bed that seemed to work. And tonight I can work all night. I figure next week I will start working out a lot. That way I can get some endorphines flowing

    I will check to Samaritans site. I just worry about floating bits, as there are plenty of ways to keep them alive.

    bluegreenblack:Pueblo huh, I live in the Denver area myself. The problem with me is the fact that I don't believe there is anyone who will actually miss me. I have always been a burden in my lifetime.
    I may only be 24 but I see no light in my future. I cannot make it another 21 years I know that much... maybe I can get myself killed in an avalanche next year. Provided there is enough snow.
  10. Pay

    Pay New Member

    hi there
    here are some things that help:
    1. drink beer - contains stuff that makes better mood, just don´t get drunk,
    2. sunlight
    3. talk to us, ´cos i am glad that i have finaly found people that see life my way,
    4. do what you always wanted to do, like shout on your neighbor ... we have nothing to lose
  11. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    Know 100% that you were not born to die in this way. There are answers and I hope you live long enough to know what those answers are.
  12. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @peacegirl:How do you know? How do you know that I am not supposed to kill myself as some kind of wake up call to someone? Or to serve as an example of some kind? Because that is what itfeels like to me.

    @Pay:Yeah another problem I have I only drink to get drunk. Drunk posting is fun or playing video games.
  13. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hi forgottenman...so glad you're still here....
    I have been in suicidal mode this week too...so sorry I didn't have any suggestions for you....
    What I did one day was make myself get outa bed ( hard to do) and then go to the shopping centre( also hard to do) just to be in the land of the living....
    while I was sitting alone having a cuppa an old aquaintance came along and sat talking to me....
    this helped me so much.....I felt bit better after our chat...
    then the next day I saw my councelor....that helped too.....
    I think I get clouded in my judgements when I am here alone and need to keep seeing and talking to others...even though I am a loner at heart...
    I hope you''ll keep posting and I hope it helps...hugs
  14. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Ah... I am trying to map out something like that.. I have a list going in my head.
    • Work out Twice a Day
    • Work Overtime
    • Find me some sex
    • Find a Place to Play DDR.
    I plan on starting next week, after I get over my last bouts of grief.
  15. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    Focus on your ID parts of your personality. Feed, Fight, Fuck.

    You need to do thing that release endorphins. All of those suggestions sound excellent. Gym being the most important. Time spent in the gym is directly coorelated to time spent in the sack.
  16. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Yeah I figured I needed lots of endorphines. That way I have a better chance of collapsing. Sadly since I suck at existing I won't ever be able to go out and get some. However, it is nice to think that trips to the gym would get me some.
  17. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Mmmm booze that makes my tragedy seem funnier
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