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How can I regain my confidence?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by jessikah2k8, Dec 15, 2008.

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  1. jessikah2k8

    jessikah2k8 Well-Known Member

    My ex cheated on me with two prostitutes in Amsterdam, and I never found out until he split up with me. After he came back from the holiday, I had my doubts, and I cried and cried over them and got worked up into a state, so much that I thought I was fat, ugly etc, really getting myself into a complete frenzy.

    I have lost all of my confidence since finding out he had also met somebody else, just a day after he split with me. Then news came out that he was with two prostitutes on holiday. It ruined it even further, to the point that I was crying to my mum. Apparently she believes, he had the new girl way before the day after we split. This made me feel much worse.

    I mean, I can admit I'm not the worst looking in the world, but anytime I look at myself now, I look at tiny flaws and think "why can't I be thinner?" or "why are my boobs so weird?" I look at glamour models etc that he used to look at and think to myself, "what have I done to deserve this? and what makes them better than me?"

    I don't know what I did wrong. I was really the best I could be to him, our sex life was great.. I dunno what happened, and questions have went unanswered because he refused to answer them.

    I'm so upset, and I'm on counselling programmes etc but they don't help me at all to develop my confidence.

    I am so fed up with crying everyday and feeling like complete shite, when he walks around with a new girl, and I have to deal with losing his kid and losing my confidence and my whole world day after day, with nobody beside me to help me along the way. I really loved him :(

    What do I do now?
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Your post indicates that your self-esteem is tied to your appearance, to sex. Your relationship did not screw up because you are unattractive or bad in bed. You need to know that very certainly. Anyone you love is the sexiest person in the world. The largest turn-on is a good relationship. Looks are fleeting.

    Your relationship went to hell because your partner was a damn asshole. He wasn't willing to commit to you. He wasn't willing to spend his life with you. He'd rather sleep around than love someone. I'm sorry this had to happen to you, but it's NOT your fault.
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    I agree, he sounds like a jerk. Why cry so many tears over such a mean person?
  4. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    ...when you're agreeing with me, it helps if you allow my post to be shown.
  5. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    my ex-fiance was seeing someone behind my back for awhile before we split because she came up and told me about it so i know that pain well. thought that the answers to my million and one questions would never come but back in the summer he got back in contact with me and i got my answers

    but this guy to you is not worth it. you seem like such a sweet and genuine person but you are definitly better off without someone who can treat you like that. you deserve so much better. i bet you're a gorgeous person and all the little hang-ups you've written about yourself are just your way of letting him win. but you cant let him win. as soon as you've stopped letting him win in your head your confidence will return.

    just hold your head up high, girl, and dont let the bastard win!!!

    pm me if you ever need to talk x
  6. jessikah2k8

    jessikah2k8 Well-Known Member

    Thanks, yeah it's so hard. Really hard. I am just wondering what on earth ever I did to deserve ever being treated like that. Arghhh.. I can't help but think it's because I wasn't good enough or whatever.. :(
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi jessika,

    He sounds like he isn't worth all that pain :(

    Try and leave the past in the past and move forward. :hug:
  8. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Life isn't fair. It's largely a bullshit world. Bad things happen to good people all the time, on account of bad people. You were plenty good. Find a real man and you'll have your confidence back.
  9. Lucie

    Lucie Well-Known Member

    He did a very bad thing to you, don't think that you did something wrong, some guys just can't control themselves and be faithful to one women. Same with both sexes I suppose. Move on if you can and find a more mature man who will treat you right.
  10. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    im sure you didnt do anything wrong and if he is going to treat you like that then you are better off without him. you may not realise it at the moment but just by going to counselling is a step towards regaining your confidence and posting all of whats been going on is another step. gradually you are going to get there and talking things through helps a lot

    im sure you did everything you could for that relationship but as hard as it is to say or hear sometimes they just arent meant to be. but you seem like such an honest and genuine person who doesnt deserve to have someone who can treat them so badly. in time it will get better. i promise you
  11. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    He's mean. And a jerk. And he probably has his own issues that compel him to behave cruelly.

    It sounds like you're going through a really hard time. And it sucks when a relationship fails. And it's fine to feel upset and blue. But please try to remember that you feel bad because of something outside that happened to you.

    You aren't at fault for feeling upset.
    You aren't at fault for the event that hurt you--was it the break up or how he did it?
    You are allowed to feel bad.
    You deserve to be happy, and you will be.

    Best wishes,

  12. jessikah2k8

    jessikah2k8 Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone. I dunno, I guess it's just gonna take some time :( My counselor doesn't help though..
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