How Can I Stop This?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Hana123, Jan 31, 2014.

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  1. Hana123

    Hana123 New Member

    It's been 8 years...8 years and counting. I thought I was over feeling depressed and suicidal once I graduated high school. I've been successful in my career goals -already have a college degree with honors, interned/worked in well-known companies/government agencies and yet I feel the stress pulling me. I feel guilt for feeling this way but it's always hurt my family somehow so I've tried to amend it by doing all these great things. It' s like I'm living for them at times, to make them proud and yet I know I'm not myself. It might be the stress of post-graduation/trying to find a job but I feel like I should do more, be more to help my family. I know I'm still young and there's a lot I need to learn but I keep taking a few steps back, willing to let it go and be selfish for once and end this.

    I know success comes at a price-I have friends but none who can understand me, potential romantic relationships that never come to fruition and a low self-esteem so down that it feels like I should be dumped in a cesspool because of my appearance and character. I fight but have no idea why and at times I feel like my existence should be erased.

    I've stumbled onto this website on several occasions with the intention of getting help with this issue but I am too ashamed to come forward and ask for help. I'm just asking once for some advice from a fellow peer who might understand where I come from even if it's just a pep talk.

    Thank you.
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi Hana. Glad you posted. So hard for anyone when they are not able to be their authentic self. When people are accomplishing things to please others. It can lead to good success as a human doing. But still leave one empty as a human being.

    Sometimes people can be so very successful in many areas. But still the pain is there. This is not through any fault of their own. But rather for a reason that has not been within their control up to now.

    sometimes, if available, the right kind of counseling can really be helpful. It can help people to figure out who they are. What they want, separate from their parents' goals or expectations for their success. It can help them to identify where the pain is coming from, aside from what you or I already mentioned. I can guarantee you that whatever the pain or imbalance, it is not your fault. It is not because of anything you have done wrong. It is not because of any failing on your part.

    Our society judges people who have challenges such as you mentioned. And so we ourselves can also judge ourselves so harshly. Even though that judgement is not what I consider to be fair, kind or correct. But these judgements can do something even more harmful. It can keep us from reaching out to get the guidence and assistance we so deserve. So we CAN live a fulfilled, and authentically successful life.

    I am very glad you reached out to write here. That often takes courage. I hope you will continue to post here.
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