How can I trust people?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ConfusedSilence, May 15, 2011.

  1. ConfusedSilence

    ConfusedSilence Well-Known Member

    I'm goign to give a little back story here to see if anyone else can shed some light on the situation.

    Me and my best friend were having a sort of play arguement on Facebook. We had both agreed beforehand that nothing was off-limits to post so as to make it seem more convincing. It was going pretty well. We were both on msn telling eachother what to say and it was really funny. Then he tells me that his friend is writing an angry post on my wall. I didn't mind this since I've met her before and she can take a joke, so I figured we'd tell her afterwards.

    So she posts about three fairly vicious comments and I decide that it's gone far enough and if I don't tell her what's going on then she'll end up looking like a fool when she finally realises that we were just kidding, and I quite like her so I don't want that to happen.

    So I go ahead and send her a private mail saying "We're just kidding. Thanks for the comments, they made it look way more convincing. :) :L". I'm about to log off when I see that she's replied : "He wasn't kidding, 'sweetheart'. And neither was I."

    I figure that my friend, let's call him Jeff, was just overdoing it and that he's still messing with her. I tell her that it was my idea, that he's kidding etc, until the point where she shows me various things he's said to her. Jeff was telling her stuff about my anorexia, calling me an attention w****, saying that he really thought I was annoying and was just humouring me.

    I asked Jeff, and he went offline.

    I already don't tell him some of my deeper, more corrosive secrets, but knowing that he said this... I trusted Jeff more than anyone, and I feel so used, so stupid, and I don't have any other friends to talk about it to.

    I'm so reserved with what I say, and then the only person I talk to about my cutting, the way I feel about myself, goes and tells someone else everything.

    I'm so lost. What do I do?
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Aw, hun. Coming here and venting is a good first step. I'm sorry you've been hurt!

    How well do you know these two people? How old are they...like 5 or 6, maybe? (sarcasm). Imo, what they did was plain mean and nasty. I dunno about this Jeff fellow. How much do you need a "friend" who will leak your secrets maliciously? (Only you can answer that.)

    I know it may take some time, but I'd say make new friends with new people, and until you do that in RL, please keep posting here.

    Thinking of you. :hug:
     
  3. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    Its hard to learn that lesson...im sorry you got hurt but not everyone is like that. Maybe he was trying to impress this girl and was using your "argument" for a reason i dont know but anyway *giant hugs*
     
  4. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry you had to deal with that.

    It hurts when someone betrays your trust like that but especially when it's a close friend you thought you could trust with anything.

    You clearly don't deserve scummy people like that in your life. Pardon me if that sounds harsh but yeah, when you tell somebody something like that in confidence, they don't then go and blurt it out to everyone else, even if they are just playing.

    I would de-friend them, block them...whatever...but that's me, I'm a very unforgiving person and when I hurt, I hurt badly and just want the other person to experience as much pain and suffering (if not worse) as I am going through.

    Maybe try talking to this Jeff guy about it through a private message or something. Let him know how you feel and tell him to at least have the guts to be straight with you, even if it is all true. Be prepared though cause you might not like what you hear. And if he doesn't...well then it confirms that he's a coward who has to talk trash behind someone's back but doesn't dare say anything to their face.

    But f*** people like that. Sure, it'll sting for a while. It always does but you'll make new friends. Better friends who don't judge you or tell everyone your biggest secrets. Maybe in time he'll know how it feels to have his trust betrayed and then he'll think: ":doh: Damn! I was a dumb SOB for throwing away good friends like that!"

    The positive in all this...cause it always helps to try and find a silver lining, no matter how small...at least they have exposed their true colours and now you know better than to trust him with stuff like that again. The way I (try to) see it is...everytime somebody stabs me in the back like that...well, it's just one less piece of scum in my life and so I have more time for those who do care and do give a damn and won't betray me.

    I don't know if this helps but I just wanted to post something, you know? Trying to spread as much "peace and love" as I can here.

    If you need to get angry every once in a while...I like messages so vent away!

    Take care and I hope you get to the bottom of this and cut ties with those who have caused you pain.

    Be well :hug:
     
  5. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Tbh, I think you should all grow up and stop playing around pretending to have arguements on facebook just for entertainment.
     
  6. ConfusedSilence

    ConfusedSilence Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys. It's good to know that I'm not just being unreasonable here. I'm not going to be confrontational if I talk to him. He knows what he did and he still did it so I'm not about to run back to him. I'm probably still going to see him about but I'm not getting as close to him as I did before.

    I never knew that when I joined SF that is was going to help me so much.

    But anyway,I guess something good has come out of this. I'm taking action. I'm going to do something constructive today, hopefully.

    And Avarice, I've certainly learned my lesson as far as that goes.
     
  7. Louis03

    Louis03 Well-Known Member

    All I can say is I believe some people are worth trusting. Sorry that you got hurt but don't let that close you off too much. All things in moderation. I also believe it's probably not a lot of people but, well, I dunno, it's about making the right choices in life.