So I went for my doctor appointment today like I promised I would at the hospital. But I walk into an office filled with people who don't understand or really care. There is my GP my PDoc and the mental health worker!!! Don't ask how I'm doing but rather tell me that they are thinking together as a group that having my drivers licence suspended might be the best thing for me. The only little piece of sanity I have left!!! Now to be shut up in my house 24/7. No bus or taxi service way out here. 5 miles to the nearest highway!! I don't often go out anywhere because of anxiety and panic issues, but I love to drive, think of nothing or everything but be alone while still where there are other people around. Or to drive in the dead of night to a quiet spot and just stare up at the sky and ponder the universe, the stars, Heaven or whatever. No kids, chores or responsibilities for a little while atleast. I tried to explain this, tried to tell them it was my only form of freedom. But they felt it the best. But couldn't give me a reason as to why. Told them then they may as well commit me now, more compassionate than me wasting away in my own thoughts all alone. Mental health worker pipes in with, wouldn't that be a nice way to escape life? I give up. No matter what words I use or how I try to express my feelings and thoughts, no one gets it. Not even one day without some new shit to deal with. 1 blessed day!!!! Why do I even bother trying to convince myself to try and hang on? It was only wednesday that i was so close, now I have to start planning again.