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how can they understand?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by amethyst, Jan 3, 2008.

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  1. amethyst

    amethyst Member


    im feeling depressed right now and its not unusual because i go into depressed "phases" ever so often. the reason is atm because i just cant cope. i just cant deal with my life. im a student but i have no money and i have lots to pay for which i cant afford. i just cant deal with my school right now. Their attitudes and mentalities have beaten me. i started there feeling confident and bright, but after a year of their drilling away i am now thick (theyve actually told me i am) and the stupidest person in all my classes. I feel bullied by a teacher who singles me out in class and makes everyone pity me and laugh at my stupididty.

    I dont want to die. i just want my family and friends realise how bad im feeling. i tried to talk to my mum about it, but she walked out of the room and didnt respond, just ignored me. i cant go on like this much more but there is no alternative. i cant leave, my parents pay to much for my education, i have nothin to do if i do leave. no one seems to realise how awful i feel and i just dont know what to do.
  2. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member

    Hi Amethyst,

    I can totally relate. My school is highly competitive and gets the best results by bullying the students into working so hard as they are made to believe that they are stupid. Especially if you are the sort of person who has the motivation to work hard without all of that, it can be really tough. But believe me, you are not stupid, and don't let the teachers try to persuade you otherwise. I'm sure there are others in your school who feel the exact same way, you are definitely not alone.

    Regarding your depression, do you have a counsellor or anyone who you can talk to, or have you never had any help for it? Maybe it would help you to talk to someone unrelated to the situation about how you are feeling, and they may be able to help you discover coping mechanisms and ways of thinking that will improve your mood. Also, it may help your family understand that it is not just that you are feeling a bit sad, but that you need help and their support.

    You may be able to find some such support through school (if there is anyone there you would feel comfortable talking to about it) - many schools have counsellors who come in on a regular basis. Otherwise you can try searching for the mental health services in your area and see if they can help you.

    Good luck, and take care,
    Lauren xxx
  3. amethyst

    amethyst Member

    thank you lauren,

    i know of one person who did feel the same, however she attempted suicide failed all her exams and left. so thats the only example i can observe.

    regarding my depression. i have told 2 people about it, neither of them sympathise and i dont have help for it. my dad would see it unfit for me to have a councellor as he couldnt afford it and im not sure how good the NHS provisions are for it :S. i find it incredibly hard to talk to people i know about how i feel. i ususally just sit on my own and cry until it goes away. my family wouldnt understand anyway. just tell me that "oh its only 6 months until you can leave" etc regardless of how bad its making me feel or if im depressed.i cant help but feel its not worth seeing to either, after all there are people out there that have much more reason and feel so much worse than i do. whats the point in wasting the doctors time.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 3, 2008
  4. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry nobody seems to understand, it is tough when you feel as if noone cares. Regarding NHS provisions, I'm afraid it is generally quite difficult with depression to be seen. I had problems as neither child or adolescent services had the space to see a "simple" depression case. The stark truth is that there is nowhere near enough help for those who need it. Having said that, it is still worth a visit to your GP, they are usually very understanding and (I suspect?) you would be able to go without telling your family. They will refer you to the local services, and you may be able to get help via that route. If not, try ringing the Samaritans or other helplines (you can find lots of details on the internet) to see if they can find local services which may be able to help.

    I also find it hard to talk to people about my feelings. It does get easier, and especially if you find someone who you get on with well and who you develop trust with. You could try writing a letter with your feelings in, or just keep posting on SF, and gradually things will ease. It's an amazing thing, writing your feelings down - little by little it can help release those emotions, and make you feel better.

    You're not wasting doctors time. Yes, there will always be those who have had a rougher time than ourselves, but it does NOT mean that you are not worthy of that help as well. If you can catch it early, and develop coping strategies etc that work, then depression does not have to be a long term thing, and you'll feel much better for doing something about it.

    Lauren xxx
  5. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    Lauren that is great advice! All I can say is ditto, and this is a great place to set your feelings free!
  6. amethyst

    amethyst Member

    thank you lauren.

    i just have one question... whats likely to happen if i go to the doctors? i see little point if they cannot offer very much help. im not keen on the idea of drugs because they would just make me numb.

    i feel worse today. i am more on the point whereby i want to end things rather than make people realise im hurting.

    meh. :(
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi amethyst. I'm a high school level math and science teacher. Teacher's should never make their students feel bullied and should never encourage other students to laugh at you. You could get that teacher into trouble if tell your principal what is happening. Maybe try talking to a school counselor. They are there to help.
  8. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member


    What you must understand is that while there is not nearly enough information out there about things such as depression, doctors know that in the vast majority of cases, medication is not what is needed. From what I can tell from your posts, talking therapy (with a counsellor) to help you understand the root of your emotions and how to overcome these problems, is a much better option and can help you overcome this. When you go to the doctors, chances are you will be given a questionnaire to fill in and bring back, with questions regarding your mood etc. If the GP thinks that you are depressed, they will refer you to mental health services, who will then contact you regarding what they think should be done. Nothing will be done without your consent (unless they fear that you are a danger to yourself or others, this is VERY unlikely indeed)

    I'm sorry you are feeling worse today. All the more reason to give it a shot? If you can tell someone, and they can help you, then it must be better than keeping it all inside

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