How can we deal with such profound pain?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by livingonlight, Nov 15, 2007.

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  1. livingonlight

    livingonlight Active Member

    Everyday I have thoughts of ending my life by drinking antifreze. I even bought some and it is in my garage. The day that I bought it I poured some in a glass and just looked at it. The thought of the pain I would go through stopped me that day but I continue to think about it and it just makes me so sad that no matter what happens in my life I continue to feel this way.
    There is no single reason that I feel the urge to end my life. I have battled depression for more then ten years and my life has been spent trying to find ways to overcome this but it never seems to end.
    I read books every minute about spritual growth and I am constantly praying to God to bring a little happiness into my day. I have read so many different things about what happens after you die that I don't really believe anything because different so-called psychics contradict each other. I guess that is the plan right? No one knows and if they did they won't tell you the truth because that would be too easy.
    There is so much saddness in the world and I sometimes feel as if I am feeling the whole world's pain. I wish that God would take away all the suffering. I don't know that things will ever be better for me because the state of this world is only suffering and saddness. It dosen't seem that there will be peace for anyone until people reach out and start loving each other more then they love power and money.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    You need to worry about your own happiness first. The world has been in this state well before you were ever involved. The world could sure use your help, but it isn't going to help you. I think you need to firstly go dump the antifreeze in you rad. Secondly keep doing good things for yourself like spirtitual growth etc. And thirdly keep posting here. There are so many wonderful people here to listen and try and help you through the low and hard spots. We are all here at SF for whatever demons are haunting us, but we are never alone. There are alot of people loving each other here and are trying to spread that good feeling to others like you and me. Keep searching for your inner peace and stay safe.
  3. Harrowdown

    Harrowdown Well-Known Member

    i understand
    i think we tend to mix up how we feel with what we see on the outside
    maybe like a justification or something

    i know i feel like some really bad shit is on the horizon for this miserable rock, i have for a long while but then again im finally self aware enough to get that could just as well be my own 'problems' and therefor blowing it outta proportion
  4. livingonlight

    livingonlight Active Member

    Thanks for your replys. I do feel as if I am continuing to find solutions for my problems, and suicide is not one of the solutions. Problems by themselves seem easy enough to work out.
    I have been thinking very long and hard about the serousness of suicide and questioning what my true motives are. Am I just seeking attention? Would I even consider it if I were feeling happy? Am I overreacting to stress and wanting to escape?
    Something that I have come to understand is that the thought of suicide is followed by horrible feelings of guilt, shame , extreem sadness. I do believe in a loving God who forgives. In all the things I have read about sprits leaving the earth is the evil of suicide. Could it be a lie? Why would God forgive everything but suicides? I've read many psychics views on death and suicide seems to be the most horrible act according to them.
    The fact that you are making a choice to leave this planet should not damn you to eternal hell. Why would this not be in the life plan already?
    I also thought that if I have a loving atmosphere and not take my life when depressed, or in a rash manner that it would be the best way to go about it.
    I do feel sadness for all the suffering in the world but my longing for release from this life is motivated from a deep knowing that more good awaits me on the other side. I really thought deeply on this and a feeling of calm and joy came over me when I realized that I would enter into Gods loving arms whatever way I left this earth. The funny thing is that by accepting suicide as a reasonable option my joy increassed and I feel more freedom to live and experienced more joy and humor in my day.
  5. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    I hate to say it, but maybe what keeps one going is the hope that things are gonna getter better sometime, despite one knowing better than that.
    What else could there be?
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