Everyday I have thoughts of ending my life by drinking antifreze. I even bought some and it is in my garage. The day that I bought it I poured some in a glass and just looked at it. The thought of the pain I would go through stopped me that day but I continue to think about it and it just makes me so sad that no matter what happens in my life I continue to feel this way. There is no single reason that I feel the urge to end my life. I have battled depression for more then ten years and my life has been spent trying to find ways to overcome this but it never seems to end. I read books every minute about spritual growth and I am constantly praying to God to bring a little happiness into my day. I have read so many different things about what happens after you die that I don't really believe anything because different so-called psychics contradict each other. I guess that is the plan right? No one knows and if they did they won't tell you the truth because that would be too easy. There is so much saddness in the world and I sometimes feel as if I am feeling the whole world's pain. I wish that God would take away all the suffering. I don't know that things will ever be better for me because the state of this world is only suffering and saddness. It dosen't seem that there will be peace for anyone until people reach out and start loving each other more then they love power and money.