How can you hurt yourself?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Manny.Prime, Apr 18, 2008.

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  1. Manny.Prime

    Manny.Prime Member

    No no, not methods of inflicting pain...

    How can one get into the mindset of actually hurting or even killing themselves? It just seems crazy to me...

    Sure I'm depressed enough to consistently have suicidal thoughts, but I think to myself.. no matter how much I want to die, I couldn't do it.

    I'm not asking how to get in that mindset, but what ppl in that mindset are thinking.
  2. Mortem

    Mortem Well-Known Member

    Something along the lines of "I fucking hate myself, I deserve this" or "I did something so terrible this is the only way to make amends".
    When one reaches the point of feeling incredibly worthless nothing really matters, and anything "negative" becomes good. When living conditions exceed what's tolerable to that unique person the calculation becomes pretty simple.

    I guess most people have some sort of, rather huge, mental block that prevents them from killing themselves. Then I guess a small percentage of the population is missing that "piece of code", many of them are here.

    From one thing to anotherm while being on this subject... does anyone know if the percentage (percentage - not numbers) of suicides and self harm has increased along with population growth?
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    For me, the emotional pain I was experiencing was way greater than any physical pain. When I decided I would attempt a great wave of relief came over me. I was so relieved that I'd finally found a solution to being so sad and lonely.

    Physically, my body felt like it was in a fog and every day I struggled to stay awake, so I think that also influences your perception of pain.

    Anyhow, it's 4 1/2 months on now and I'm glad I didn't succeed. I can go a whole, or even a few days without thinking seriously of suicide.
  4. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    I said a few days ago that "I never really ever wanted to die."

    What I meant was that when I fell, I landed on an image that kept me going- if that image had cracked, I'd have fallen through and attempted in a way which would have been fatal rather than a half-hearted attempt when in a lot of distress.

    Hurting myself was the only way I knew how to cope with life. I was taught that from childhood. Pain and life just came hand in hand...

    Thoughts of killing myself have been pretty ongoing. Right now they are just sudden reflex responses to agitation. I would want to seriously end it when I felt contaminated/ill "psychotic" in a way that was horrific, when I needed to stop a self destructive eating-disorder or abusive relationship cycle, memories from abuse, violence in the home, when I was homeless and nobody was helping. When I needed to go to the other world. When at 17, and even before that, it was that the world and education system is fucked up, there was no one to trust, people were on a completely different wavelength from me pursuing top grades, university places and seemed to be going in one direction all the time and I didn't want anything to do with that although teachers/board examiners around me were constantly mapping out my future without my consent. I wasn't in control of my life and had been taking part in some horrible stage act where you don't know what is real and who is real. I can remember writing a lot around that age "I want to understand. I don't understand," and my a few would laugh at me and say, there's nothing to understand.

    It is where you see no hope, you see no change, there is very little meaning in anything- where there is no meaning, when life is sucked out of everything including yourself- you feel desperate to perhaps make sense of it all (I've always been like that, maybe that helped me keep going as I have always been working with things in my own way, even if it's been a level of anorexia that was the lowest rung that I've fallen on in 12 years- even in those months I was changing even though I couldn't see it)- that's where "killing" yourself physically wouldn't be very different from being "alive."
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2008
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