Much better than the last time. I have timed it not by a degree of desperation, but by what influence I still have over my rational thoughts... And yes, it seems, I have been granted a throwaway absolution by darkness itself - and I can live with that...what I meant was, I can die with that.... What is surprising is, that I expected from me the last grand gesture, my final Pièce de résistance to those of you, who still think suicidal gestures are all what the emotional furnaces in this forum are churning out. Alas, no. I'm truly humbled by the indifference I feel for the "Don't do it" brigade. Don't get me wrong, this is not a criticism on the incredible support network Ive been offered here, however when it comes to dying, I'm sobered to the core what a lonely affair it is. Support is for the living and for the dying but not for the dead. What am I but one, who has lived who is no longer flirting with an (irrational) hope of the dying, but has - to all extent and purpose - accepted the status of a dead man walking...and walking I will. How trivial my existence is now in the greater scheme of things. "“see the world in a grain of sand ... And eternity in an hour.” (Blake) How incredibly alone one is in death, how small the footprint becomes and how little of your hand-reared salmagundi of life's wisdom's are relevant right now... The only magic capable of spellbinding is that indeed, I'll return to stardust. I shone brightly for a short while, boy, did I live...a star in the making throughout my life...now I'm grinding my lapis philosophorum to dust again... Make no mistake, I will manifest myself again, be it in the centre of a star or in the fragrance of a wildflower...life treated me well.. ..