Okay, I'm sorry if you think i'm stupid after reading this. I know how crazy it sounds, that's the exact reason I haven't spoken to anyone about it. You see, I'll feel as if I'm the only one who gets it and no one around me understands but, that's kinda hard if I don't tell them. It's hard to explain to my mother why my eyes get teary at random moments. Okay. I'm in love. With someone over ten years older than me. And I know, I KNOW it's the real deal. I've liked people before and I thought I'd loved them but, it was nothing like this. And plus, why would I be so upset about it all? How could I have fallen in love with...It's immoral. And I hate society for that. Society is all the keeps us apart. I know, I know..it's silly. I've though so too. But, it hurts. Because that someone is in a relationship with someone thier age and I can't stop thinking about it. And at just the wrong moments it'll hit me so hard and i'm running to my room trying to keep my screaming to a minimum. I'll get so angry at myself and started literally punching myself asking 'Why did I have to be born so late?' It was time, it's times fault, and who can change time? I'm sure everyone on here knows the answer to that. No one and nothing can change time. When people fall in love with someone and they don't love you back you wonder 'how could I change?' or 'Why am I a mistake?' or something of the sort. For me it's different. That someone COULD have loved me..had I been born at an earlier date but, there is no chance whatsoever, really. And i've realized that, and when I actually think about it makes me want to become somebody, it gives me energy, it makes me want to go out there and make that person see me. But, other times I just cry and scream and wish it were over because, whats the point in living a life without love? That's what we think about when we are little 'I'll grow up, get married, have kids, wonderful life.' But, sometimes(most of the time) it just doesn't happen that way... And you know, the only person I feel some type of love from is my mother. And I hate it when she has boyfriends bcause, I want her to love me, and me only because she's all I have. I don't want to be really alone, even if she's clueless to what I feel. I don't know. I do get really upset sometimes. Like, the other day. I was in my bathtub a knife in hand. Note on the mirror stating, ' I love you til I die' Then included the persons name. It was late at night. My mother and I had aruged earlier, she was asleep on the couch now. I whispered, 'I have a nice treat for you in the morning.' then moved in to end it all, when I heard a knock on the door. It was my brother. He wanted me to come listen to some funny songs on his computer. I stopped and got out of the tub and laughed the night away with him. Had it not been for my brother..I don't think i'd be here typing this now. It was chance, or maybe fate. Either way, I'm not yet dead. I don't really know why I decided to post this here. To let somebody know? To just get it off my chest, to not have it all bottled up inside, maybe? You might think i'm really stupid but, I don't care. This is mine, these are my feelings.