How crap is my life? I have depression.? I've suffered from depression all my life. I had an "absentee father", well i still have one obviously. I know a few friends without fathers but at least theirs are dead, mine is still alive and continues to live everyday without giving a **** about me or my little brother. I now go to college on the same street he lives on so everyday is a painful reminder of how unworthy and **** i am. I've been in a few relationships but I can't seem to forget my first love, it upsets me so much. I self-harm but I know its no good. He broke up with me over txt over a year ago and I still see him around regularly but he ignores me and I ignore him. I guess I never got the chance to say what I needed to. He continues to contact me by facebook and txt even though he's had two gfs since and ive been with someone else too but im currently single because i ruined that relationship because i never let go of him. Most of his messages are "hey why dont we talk anymore? " etc, I tried talking to him in real life a few months ago and it was horrible, he totally blew me off. So I dont reply anymore because I dont see the point. Yet I still continue to believe he'll grow a spine someday and talk to me. He was my first love and I gave him everything, until him I didn't have a male in my life so I was naiive and stupid. He knew about my depression but he obviously doesnt care or understand. The ****** up part is that I'm still friends with his friends. I'm not mad at him I just want to be happy. Two minutes of his time would solve months and months of my hurting. Is it so wrong to believe in people? I just want to run away.