how deep does a cut have to go to hurt me

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by june54, Jan 17, 2015.

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  1. june54

    june54 Member

    I am so fed up of self harming. I know the sense of relief I get when I do cut but all that happens is my CPN and psych just asks me more questions weeks after the fact.

    I can't keep producing these scars because my family are embarrassed and have even
    tried making excuses in front of me on being released from a mental health hospital.

    I KNOW i am an embarrassment and really would feel happier leaving this world under
    my own powers and more importantly my decision. Would they accept and allow me the
    courtesy of ending my miserable life after 30 years of pain :butterfly7:
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello June,

    Maybe they are embarrassed and ashamed but that is only because they don't know the full score of mental illness and it's effects. If my sister had lots of scars, I might ask her to cover them only if there were kids around though. I will be perfectly honest and say I have many scars on my left arm but I don't cover them because I do not care how others would react. The name of the game is being stronger and gaining back control of yourself and it may take some time but you can do it June. Best wishes :hug:
  3. Dewonderland

    Dewonderland Well-Known Member

    That might not be something I should say but.

    [Mod Edit - Encourages self harm]

    But the question, the real question is why we are doing this;
    There is a lot of reason.
    -The relief of expressing a physical pain for all the hurt in ourselves that we can't scream out.
    -The need to feel pain just to feel something.
    -Sometimes a way to punish ourselves
    -sometimes a way to ask for help
    ... sometimes a bit of everything ... sometimes something else maybe.

    But for your family they probably don't know how to deal with it.
    Probably they're scared to, that they can't help you, that they might not be enough to make you better, that it's their fault, that they will also fall because probably everyone is scared of all those gaps in our lives and to not be able to get up and keep on walking.

    Maybe they made up excuse for them but maybe for you ...

    I think the only good things with being in such a state I am in is that sometimes I am so far away from life that I can see the people around me with so much compassion ... wondering if they're struggling silently too .
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 23, 2015
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