A year ago I was really truly happy, six months ago I was discontent with my life but working to make it better, three months ago I was unhappy and making huge changes to try and fix things, two weeks ago I was really hopeful and things were going in the right direction to get where a needed to be, today I am having panic attacks so bad I can hardly breath and thinking of the best way to kill myself. I don't even know what to say about my situation right now. I think the only reason I am posting here instead of having just killed myself an hour ago was while I was trying to figure out the best way to do it with what I have around the house a friend gave me a call and it distracted me, not that they knew thats what I was doing. So now instead I have a big hole I made in my door from taking my anger out of that and am laying here crying not sure what I am typing about. I have an appointment to go see my doctor tomorrow, I don't know what I am going to tell them. I had been on a lot of prescription medication that I stopped taking all at once about a week ago. I know they are going to be mad at me. I didn't like having to take 11 pills a day to be 'normal', and I was drinking on them anyway so I kept having blackouts which is the main reason I stopped taking them. A year ago I was newly married, just graduated college, working, and was starting schooling for a new career. Now I am a suicidal, alcoholic, who is moving back in with their mother because I have gotten fired from two jobs in a row and is about the lose the best friend I have had in a long time.