How did we get here?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by malack, Mar 19, 2010.

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  1. malack

    malack Active Member

    Today, I saw these children on the bus. It was a little boy of about three or four, and his five year old sister. They were so cute, laughing, playing games, getting hugs and kisses from thier mother and from each other. They were so...happy.

    As I saw them, I couldn't help but notice...I was like that once. Innocent of the horrors of the world, happy, surrounded by love and sunshine. I could not imagine what it would be like to be like that again, but I KNOW I was like that once. Theres proof.

    How did I go from that to what I am now? I never thought it would end up this way. In my wildest dreams I couldn't have imagined it, ever. My life was never great...but it wasn't this bad. It was NEVER this bad. I never thought it would get this bad. I don't know how it got so bad...and now, its the only thing that I have. My life started alright. The ending is terrible...but it started alright. What went so wrong?

    I was jealous of those children, but I couldn't help but wonder...will they stay this way? In this world, I can not see how. They have no idea what the future holds. They have no idea who they will become. There is a chance, but its mostly inevitable; they will become torn from the world they know, the world of happiness and be put in the worst places. And will they (they most likely will) be sitting on a bus one day, staring at children, thinking the same thoughts as me?
  2. Sammakko...

    Sammakko... Guest

    I look at kids too and think as same as you. Why.. What happend...
  3. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    It makes me confuzzled. I was so happy early in life... All the friends of my parents remember me as the happiest child in the world. And it's true, all pics of me as a child shows a girl with a neverending laugh.
    Even though I'm a slightly better nowadays.... How did I end up on a suicide forum?
  4. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i never changed. :smile:
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    circumstances got us here perhaps chemical imbalances but whatever i am glad i am here because i know i am not alone and i get to meet people from all over the world with out leaving this safe place.
  6. ASolitaryBlue

    ASolitaryBlue Well-Known Member

    i agree with violet. even if we dont know how we got here at least we know were safe here and that were not alone
  7. perry_mason

    perry_mason Well-Known Member

    your post makes me still believe in the theory that 'ignorance is bliss'
  8. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    I can relate to all that. Way more than I want to. Although I do have an idea on what happened to me.

    I don't know if I ever really felt happy. I wasn't a happy child, I feel like I've missed my entire childhood already. But it was more bearable back then as I didn't have anxiety. That, and I actually had friends. Though they were few and far. My mom wasn't sick then either, and we didn't have as bad money troubles (although there was a time where it was very bad, but I was too young to remember).

    But something traumatic happened and now I'm suffering from PTSD, hence anxiety. I've always been depressed (though it only gotten suicidal when I became 11), but now I seem to have panic attacks daily. I never go outside, I feel isolated and old.

    Sorry, got into a sort of rant. I guess this topic struck something with me.
  9. Monsieur

    Monsieur Well-Known Member

    Heh, though my childhood wasn't terribly horrible or anything, I can still remember being isolated from both my peers and family for most of the time. Guess that routine simply carried over to my present life. And yes, I too am quite envious of my oh so happy peers as well.
  10. foreverYoung180

    foreverYoung180 Well-Known Member

    i was known as a loser in middle school, high school, and guess college. i became very depressed starting in my 8th grade year. first gradual, then full blown. i withdrew into myself, and was like a walkie zombie. i would skip class and go in the bathroom just to cut..and do drugs (was addicted to pain pills at the time). im stuck in the same place. college was supposed to be a new beginning. well, itll be the ending of me.
  11. gomi

    gomi Active Member

    i think about how innocent life was back then as well...
  12. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I know how I got here, if you are healthy and have a clear conscience I don't know why you are here
  13. Sammakko...

    Sammakko... Guest

    That was curse of my life...
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