How did you find your relationships?

Diesional

Well-Known Member
#1
Hi, everyone. I wasn't exactly sure which sub-forum to put this thread in, but figured Family, Friends and Relationships would be a good estimate. I don't mind if it gets moved.

I thought I'd ask people here how they specifically got into any relationships they did -- i.e. how they first met the person, how they approached and pursued, what they said, what made them like this person and decide to get with them, etc. Be as thorough as you want and tell as many of such stories as you want. Whether the relationship is current or past, good or bad, expected or unexpected, I think your story would be valuable.

I imagine it'd be therapeutic for people to talk about these things, as even a lot of topics about relationship troubles and the like don't necessarily get around to how things all began. So here's a chance. Was it through a friend? Was it by frequent meeting? Was it by some type of cold approach? Was it formed online? Whatever the story is, I'm interested.

I know that I for one would like to look at others' stories and consider ways to apply some of what happened to my own efforts. I've been taking even more measures lately to try and get a relationship, since aside from one in my youth I've never had one. I've gone to different public/social settings to try and talk people up but often deal with many different apprehensions that I'll probably cover in a future topic. The whole thing is kind of alien for me and I need all the insight I can get, even if it's just as an example of what to avoid. It's just good to take a look inside of how this stuff happens.
 

Sunspots

To Wish Impossible Things
Admin
SF Supporter
#2
I met my husband at school when I was seven years old. My friend Paula and I would sit on him in the school field at lunchtime and tickle him.
Then he moved up to secondary school and by time I followed him we had a whole load of new friends. It wasn't until I was 16 that we started to hang out again. We were best friends, nothing more although I could tell he wanted it to be. He would follow me around with huge puppy dog eyes. I had several boyfriends over the next couple of years - sometimes more to prove to him that I wasn't interested more than anything else. Our friends all used to laugh at me and tell me I'd give in one day as we were so perfect for each other. When I was 18, we were sitting in his room listening to our favourite band on vinyl and it just sort of happened. I can't even remember who kissed who first. A year later we bought our first place together and by 21 I was married. We've been married for 28 years next month.
Sometimes I do worry we were too young. Neither of us had time to get out there and enjoy life, find out who we really are as individuals rather than a couple. I would have loved to go on girly holidays with friends, share a flat with friends and have parties every night, just to LIVE a little. But would I make a different decision if I went back? Probably not.
 

Gonz

₲‹›Ŋʑ
#3
Was it through a friend? Was it by frequent meeting?
These two cover everyone I’ve ever been with. My social circle (back when I actually had one, lol) always tended to contain a lot more girls than guys. I’d just hang out with friends, meet their friends, do friend things, and every so often I’d find myself spending more and more time with some particular girl and friendliness would take on flirty/romantic undertones.

Sorry, it’s kinda tricky to explain how it would go from friend/acquaintance to dating. It always just kinda happened organically. But I kinda get the feeling that most relationships that actually work out long term tend to start that way.

I’m sure I’ve talked about it more than enough, but I like talking about it, so here’s how my wife and I ended up together:

Around the end of high school, and for a little while afterwards, I was with a girl who treated me pretty terribly. But I got along really well with her best friend and, since they were so close, we saw a lot of each other.

She later told me I was an idiot for not realizing she was into me even back then. There was one time when we were all drunk and she got permission from the shitty gf to kiss me because she’d “never kissed a guy with lip rings before, and wanted to know what it felt like.” But yeah, I was completely oblivious, as is usual for me.

Anyway, I thought she was cute and I liked hanging out with her, but I was in a relationship so that's as far as that went. When the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad bitch left me, she and I continued our friendship. By that point we had this kind of platonic friendship momentum going that made it awkward to think of each other romantically. That’s not quite true, we both did think of each other that way, but that momentum carried us further and further away from doing anything about it.

But we did end up getting very close over the next few years. We had really similar backgrounds and experiences and we just understood each other in a way that didn’t happen with anyone else. During that time I moved to another city for a year but we called each other most days and, when I moved back, we started spending even more time together than before. This is around the time she went from “best friend I was attracted to” to “best friend I was in love with” and I came to find out later that it was the same for her.

Time passed, and neither of us did anything about our feelings. There was always some reason or another not to. Either one or the other of us would be in a relationship at any given time, and neither of us realized that the other felt the same. Then eventually, I was 24 and she was 22 and we’d known each other for 8 years by this point, there came one of those stretches where we were both single at the same time. We were out and a mutual friend pulled me aside and just straight up told me that Jessica wanted to be with me. We were together within a few weeks, and living together within a few months.

There’s a part of me that regrets all that time we could’ve had together. But I think we were stronger for it. I mean, most relationships are built on infatuation that eventually fades. But she knew me better than anyone, and vice versa, long before we were ever together in that way.
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
SF Pro
#4
I had always thought that I would never meet that special someone and was actually fine with that and figured would be single my whole life like two of my great aunts were. So I never really did the bar/dating scene thing. My husband was originally my landlord. I lived in an English basement apartment (in his house) and had a flood after someone left a hose on right next to the foundation. He was so kind and helped me move all the stuff out, got in the company to dry it all out and offered to have me stay in his guest bedroom while all this was going on. Discovered he was a great cook (I am not by a long shot) and also offered me Guinnesses. So a friendship began with late nights talking etc etc sitting on his back deck. And when he decided to move across country we kept in touch with long phone calls. And slowly I realized that I had to make a choice--a fork in the road so to speak- stay where I was in a good job or move to follow my heart... So, made some inquiries for potential jobs, essentially had an estate sale to sell everything I owned and moved with my 26 boxes not knowing if would work or if I would find a job in my field. It was a decision which I have never regretted as we've now been married 19 years... So I guess what I'm saying is sometimes love finds you when you aren't even looking for it and you just have to take a leap of faith.
 

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