like many ppl I put suicide in the search engine and SF came up...it was to be my last night, so I poured my heart out on the screen and within a short time I had some of the most giving and caring responses...I made it through that night, am in a much better place, and I stay to give back, make something good out of the horror that has happened to me, and to continue to affirm that I am a good person (I do not believe in altruism)...I have found wonderful friends here and a place where I do not feel like a burden sharing my feelings and needs/wants. For me, this place has created a safe haven where I can give and get support...big hugs, Jackie
Same here. I googled 'suicide' looking for methods - and found them, disgusting and grisly descriptions - but "accidentally" found my way here, let out my self-destructive feelings and reasons, and quickly got caring and loving responses which seemed to "turn the tide" away from killing myself.:smile: I felt less alone, and even tho the support of the members here didn't make my problems go away, it gave me a place to "get away" when I needed support and comfort.:smile: :smile:
I too like to be able to 'give back' to others the love and support that was so freely given to me when I so badly needed it. I do believe in altruism - doing good things just for the sake of doing good things, but have found that when I do good and kind things for others, I feel better about myself. A nice side effect of the altruistic drug!:smile:
I love my friends here and feel a close kinship with them, tho I've never met them "in person". Doesn't matter, I love them all the same. A friend is a friend, whether across the street or across the ocean or across the internet.:smile: :smile:
I found this site by typing in suicide chat room. And I found this place. I wasn't going to kill myself, because I now have different beleifs then before. I still want to die, want the pain to go away, want to beable to nt have to go numb, I want no anxiety, depression, eating disorder, insomnia, I have lots of physical problems as well.....and much more mental...but I want let myself give up, and I knoq how very painful these problems are so, I try my best to befriend, help, support people here.
There is the story on how/why I found this place. :biggrin:
I don't remember, but I believe I put in suicide forum or suicide forums into google. I wasn't feeling suicidal at the time, but I was looking for a forum where it was being discussed, and had other members who went through the same feelings, and that I could relate to.
ok, I'll give my big devastating story.. pshh.. ok. but seriously...
I was in 8th grade (now a junior :biggrin: ) and this was right after my parents had an ugly split up.. and I was taken from my dad... I hated life. I'm daddy's little girl and without him well.... So one day in school I'd written a suicide note.. and when I was questioned about it by ppl in my school I said it was a joke and t hat was the end of it... so that hurt. I decided I couldn't tell my parents.. that would crush them and they already had enough issues.. not to mention my mom was high out of her mind so she'd probably of laughed or something.. "oh that's nice hunny" ahhhg. anyways. I went searching online for someone to talk to (which I knew (at the time) that I would never find) so in other words.. a means of OUT. This came up... wasn't what I thoguht it was.. but hey.. look at me two years later (in Feb)
How did i get here...well thats a very good question. The easy way was typing in the word suicide forum, but i do have a believe that something stronger pointed me this way.
At this very time i am struggling with quiet a few things. Work is really emotional for me, people that are rude to me. Being pushed around by people. You might think this sounds like nothing, but when i was little i was always pushed around by others, i thought when you are more grown up that people might be different, but people will alaways be children.
I have been struggling with depression for the last 4-5 years, i have not found real help yet, everyday is a struggle, i probably think of suicide 24/7, it seems like a nice way out, but everytime i try to commit it, it doesnt work. So since i cant even commit suicide i thought i come here to share thoughts so my days might look more positive.
I do have something positive to say, i used to cut alot for probably 3 years, but just last year i was able to stop, not sure what happened, i think i was very ashamed and was threatened by my father. I had some relapses but i think i am doin ok with it. Well i guess this is a little bit on where i am coming from, there is more to the story but i think this is ok for right now.
Thanks for listening
Im here because my friend joined. He's depressed and posted and was telling me one afternoon that he found it and posted and was a bit scared by some of the things he said, wasnt sure where they came from. I asked if i could have a look and he said no, he wasnt sure if he wanted someone he knew to read what he wrote.. But about an hour after this he said he wouldnt mind if i had a look and told me the address. Suicide Forum. At first i was just trying to help people on here, thats why i kept coming back. But when i started cutting i realised that reading to other peoples stories was helping me, it was a way to escape. Now i struggle with my thoughts and actions, always telling myself that no1 needs to know how i feel and that its not their problems but im getting better. This is a place i can always let everything out and not have to worry to much about what people will think. Sure i hate to worry people. but i can be whoever i want to be on here.
Mum found out i was on it once and chucked the s***s with me, told me "i didnt belong on a place like this and that im not allowed to come on here anymore" and i stopped for a while.. but couldnt keep away. I need it =)
Thanks heaps to all of you for lsitening and caring. Thanks for being here for me and letting me be here for you. Take care, Ally x
hmmm.. i had been in the hospital in august and while i was there i went out to kill myself. every door i tried closed on me that nite and i felt i was being forced to live. i lied to get out of the hospital and was inbetween therapists at the time. i looked up suicide on the net and found the samaritans. i decided i would try to write to them. they responded and we kept in daily touch for nearly a month. i felt that this was going overboard maybe over kill and wanted somewhere else i could go. so i set out on a search again and came across sf, and well here i am.
i am thankful for this site. i was so alone before and now not so much. it's been really good to get back to trying to help people again too. i love to help. i feel like it's a way of making some good from bad experiences. well, thats it in a nutshell. take care