How do I carry on when it seems nobody cares

Ok I'm really struggling here. I've never written these feelings down before but I need to get them out before I burst.

I'll start at the begining. I've had 3 failed attempts the most recent being in Nov last yeay when my bf split up with me. We'd been together for 4 years a nd know each other for 7 years. He was and still is the love of my life, then one day he rang me when he was working in London and said that he didn't feel the same way and that he didn't love me. Well that was it, I felt like my life had ended. I didn't want to live if he didn't want me. I didn't want to breath knowing that I wasn't going to see him again. I'm always thinking about him, I can't stop. Everytime I go into Portsmouth, I have to stop myself from going to the docks to see if he is there. Now I don't go into Portsmouth alone for fear of seeing him.

But the was months ago I hear you say. Well yes it was, but it doesn't stop my heart from breaking. I've been having CBT and seen my Social Worker an GP a bunch of times. But I still can't get these horrible horrible thoughts out of my head. Sometime they aren't to bad and I can sort of "shut the door" on them, so they aren't so loud. But last week, my so called "friend" started being horrible to me. Saying that I'd been talking to her like a peice of shit, when I haven't. Now she won't speak to me at all. She won't answer my text messages or phone calls. She was my friend for over 20 years and all of a sudden she won;t talk to me. She won't even tell me what I've supposed to have said or when. And now I've got these horrible thoughts back in my head again. What if I am a horrible person? What if, all those years ago in school, people were right and I am a skank? Do I deserve to be living when there are so many other people trying to survive?

I've been fighting these thoughts for over a week now. I've spoken to another friend, my parents and my doctor and the only response was, don;t keep thinking about it. Well! Thats easier said than done right?! I can't help but think about it. I haven;t slept properly in days and now I;m tired.

I don't know how long I can hold on. Please help me! Please!

 

Took the words out of my mouth Alison. But remember what I said to you in chat, and remember that we are here to support you :hug:

 

your friend may come around to her senses and you can talk things out. maybe you could write her a letter and tell her about how you feel

people can perceive all sorts of things, even if there is no basis for it. that's why communication is important in relationships. if your friend won't talk to you about what is wrong, there's not much you can do I guess

this is not your fault. it sounds like maybe she took offense when none was intended. things like this happen all the time.

so like I said, hopefully she will come around in a while, but if not, it seems to me like she is the one that is responsible

I think that some people say lots of mean things some times just because they like to hurt people, so please don't believe any bad things that anyone said about you. I think that the more innocent and vulnerable someone is, the more some people like to hurt them.

I hope that therapy can help you deal with this.

I think that you are a wonderful, loving, and good person and that you deserve to have love and happiness!!! :stars: :stars:

I'm at least 10,000 times smarter than anyone who said bad things about you, so you should believe me and not them.

I'm sorry that you lost your bf. Breaking up with someone that you love is always a painful thing, but I think that you can take something positive out of the experience. If you can learn to be ok on your own, it can help you make your future relationships better and stronger.

 

I just wanted to say thanks for the messages. I didn't act on my thoughts which is the first time ever! I'm not feeling brilliant, but better than I was.

But thank you for the kind words
Jen x x

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