How do I change myself?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Athnys, Mar 4, 2012.

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  1. Athnys

    Athnys Well-Known Member

    I've been depressed for quite a few years, and it's got to the point where "depressed" is my good mood. I figure, however, that my problem is beyond my mood merely fluctuating from between depressed and despair. Aside from my mother and father, I am alone, and I seek out anonymous ways to stop being so lonely. I usually seek out and play multiplayer text-based role playing games where I can be a completely different person and develop relationships between my characters and other characters so that I won't be alone, but they've never ended well for me. I end up alienating people by unintentionally offending them, and as this happens in different games and forums I've come to realize that maybe I am coming off as offensive and bitter to others when they try to help and be friendly. I realize that I can be passively-aggressive and self-defeating when people try to help me out, and I sense within myself a desire to be the goat and receive pity, but I don't know why. For these reasons I won't date people offline in the real world, and I avoid making friends because I'm afraid of doing to them what I don't mean to do to people on the Internet.

    My college academic adviser has voiced his concern of my real-world personality; he is a very energetic, outgoing, and friendly person, and being a successful CPA and accounting professor he really needs to be. He's quick with a smile and a wink and warms up in conversation quite easily. I'm the complete opposite; I'm very stiff and stern in person and rarely smile, and though I'm becoming a better conversationalist than I used to be, I'm reluctant to ask conversational questions of others for fear of being told to butt out, though I always seem to be asked those same kinds of questions.

    I'm about to graduate into a field where there is a severe shortage of people with my skills and knowledge, and my adviser tells me that accounting is as much about selling my personality as it is about crunching and analyzing numbers. He indicated in no uncertain terms that I would have a great deal of difficulty in the workforce if I did not make myself a more friendly and warm person, but I just don't think I can fake it and I don't know how I can change.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    There are many resources which can help you begin to feel more comfortable in a social setting, but I think the most important thing to remember is that everyone has something to contribute to the conversation...difficulties in a social exchange usual come from a person's reluctance to be available (vunerable), thus using a defensive posture...exploring what that means for you, and recruiting people who are skillful in this area to make suggestions might also be helpful
  3. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    It sounds like you're an introvert, and the world, as always, wants extroverts... and your actual abilities come second.

    I'm not a professional but maybe you could sort of 'create a character' for yourself in real life so that you can better handle those kinds of situations? You can still be yourself, but it's like you're playing a part.

    I work with people and this is what I do-- you sort of learn how to do it by experience. Once you know what to expect, what people want to hear, and how to answer certain questions, you can get through most situations. I know that I'm not really like that person (well, I sort of am), but nobody else knows that... the only problem is that if you're like me sometimes you'll run out of steam and feel like you can't be 'on' anymore.
  4. Gypsy_Girl

    Gypsy_Girl Active Member

    i don't think we can change ourselves like our face or body or a life we were born with..
    Maybe it is something to do we our childhood as a saying goes "childhood shapes personality and personality shapes our life" "you can take me out of the neighbourhood but you will never take the neighbourhood out of me"

    Sometimes trying to do something against our nature is not very advisable as people may take it that we are trying too hard and too eager to please which may make us look worst in the end. i have been trying but end up failing or unappreciated and misunderstood...
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