I've been depressed for quite a few years, and it's got to the point where "depressed" is my good mood. I figure, however, that my problem is beyond my mood merely fluctuating from between depressed and despair. Aside from my mother and father, I am alone, and I seek out anonymous ways to stop being so lonely. I usually seek out and play multiplayer text-based role playing games where I can be a completely different person and develop relationships between my characters and other characters so that I won't be alone, but they've never ended well for me. I end up alienating people by unintentionally offending them, and as this happens in different games and forums I've come to realize that maybe I am coming off as offensive and bitter to others when they try to help and be friendly. I realize that I can be passively-aggressive and self-defeating when people try to help me out, and I sense within myself a desire to be the goat and receive pity, but I don't know why. For these reasons I won't date people offline in the real world, and I avoid making friends because I'm afraid of doing to them what I don't mean to do to people on the Internet. My college academic adviser has voiced his concern of my real-world personality; he is a very energetic, outgoing, and friendly person, and being a successful CPA and accounting professor he really needs to be. He's quick with a smile and a wink and warms up in conversation quite easily. I'm the complete opposite; I'm very stiff and stern in person and rarely smile, and though I'm becoming a better conversationalist than I used to be, I'm reluctant to ask conversational questions of others for fear of being told to butt out, though I always seem to be asked those same kinds of questions. I'm about to graduate into a field where there is a severe shortage of people with my skills and knowledge, and my adviser tells me that accounting is as much about selling my personality as it is about crunching and analyzing numbers. He indicated in no uncertain terms that I would have a great deal of difficulty in the workforce if I did not make myself a more friendly and warm person, but I just don't think I can fake it and I don't know how I can change.