How do I cope after a break-up?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by 1qaz1qaz, Apr 8, 2011.

  1. 1qaz1qaz

    1qaz1qaz Member

    Firstly I feel my problems seem quite insignificant to many other people's on here so I do feel slightly guilty to be posting on this forum but I'm struggling a bit at the moment, I'm not in a good place, so any advice to cope or suggestions would be appreciated as I know I'm not the only person to ever be in this position yet I seem less capable of coping. So here goes I find it very hard to post on here as you can probably see from my post count....

    Basically my ex (hate that word :() finished with me on last Friday. She says she still loves me but that she has a lot of stress in her life with college (she's 18, I'm 26) whilst she also isn't sure if she wants a serious relationship at her age. This week her whole attitude towards me changed and me, a normally laid back kind of guy became a bit of an insecure mess and I'm pretty sure I've exacerbated the whole issue as we continued talking everyday this week, either online, by phone or text, yet I struggled with this new role of being a 'glorified friend'. She repeatedly asked for time to clear her head and sort out in her own mind whether we have a future, yet I couldn't help but think surely she should know whether she wants to be with me or not as I don't need to think about it. Isn't that what I deserve or need? Or am I being unreasonable? I therefore fear I may have pushed her too much.

    Yesterday yet again I seemed to make things worst as I told her how the current situation is doing me no good and how I wanted to cut ties for now, as when we talk it takes me back to square one and the hurt and upset starts all over again. Sometimes it's fine but that's only because I'm putting on an act when I really want to scream at her 'why don't you want me?' Inevitably things gets quite emotional and argumentative which is why I wanted to cut ties. Her and apparently her friends think this is 'pretty low of me' to cut her out....So we had a bit of a row but she left it last night saying if I wanted an answer right now about our future we probably don't have one but that she still wants two weeks to get her head right (in this time she said she doesn't expect me to be faithful but if I did anything then we have no chance and it would definitely be over. I'm not in a place to look for anyone else so in the basic terms this isn't relevant apart from the thing that this is yet again I feel giving me false hope) This is the first day in 9 months we've not talked but she said she'd text me every night to say 'night'.

    I'm finding it hard to believe she does still love me...

    I don't have a whole lot of friends and I'm unemployed, I'm at a low point in my life again as the only good thing I had is now gone. I'm going to the soccer tomorrow with my mate but I don't really want to go, as afterwards I know he will want to go out and drink and in my current state I don't think that's a good thing for me whilst I know I will spend the whole day still thinking about it. I've started to go back to the gym again this week but it's a struggle to motivate myself and escape my empty life which is always there in my head. I've spent most of the last two days depressed alone at home, counting the hours until my mum gets home just so there's the presence of someone else around. I'm trying to do things but I just don't think they are helping.

    That's as concise as I can manage I'm afraid so apologises. I haven't included everything there about our relationship (such as how much she criticised my role as a boyfriend) but I think that's enough for now.

    Is it a waste of time to continually wait for her? How do I snap out of these sad days alone? I have so many questions and no answers but all I'm looking for is words :)
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 8, 2011
  2. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Give space to her and yourself.
    Become whole again, if you dont give space............. how can she miss you?
    If you let go and be cool, you are giving respect to both yourself and her.
    If she wants you she will come to you and if she doesnt, move on my friend.
    Work hard at being you and trying to be a better person, i would rather be single than be with someone who does not want me, simple.
    She is 18, new to being an adult, maybe with in or through her friends, she feels she wants to experience life, do you wish to stop that?
    Or........... do you let go with love, have good memories and go and make some new ones........
    I wish you so well, stand strong, stand alone.
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    The soccer is a good start friend. That will get happy chemicals moving in your body. I would recommend a workout regiment.

    You did the right thing. I have done the glorified friend thing as well. My ex, or at least that is what I call her. Found a guy who was more willing to say what kind of relationship he wanted. Anyway we tried to remain friends. She still treated me the same. She would cuddle with me, and be very affectionate. She even wanted to cuddle in bed. Then she would go be with this other guy.

    In the end I ended it. She was treating me like an emotional doormat. I told her how I felt, and she said she did not believe me. Yet when she had a break up with this guy she cried back to me. Once I was ready to spend time with her, I had moved on with my own life, he calls her up and apologizes and she runs back to him. So I ended it. It was the right thing to do. Then I could focus on myself. A year later I am a much happier better man.

    The best way to coup, is to focus on yourself. Working out did wonders for me. I can go to the gym and work up a sweat and eye fuck all the hot girls there and no one thinks anything of it. Find a hobby, once she was gone I focused on my website more. I took a vacation. I focused on me. I learned to enjoy life again. Yeah it is a slow crappy process. However, a rewarding one. I know if I saw her again she would be right back in bed with me. :tongue:
  4. 1qaz1qaz

    1qaz1qaz Member

    Thank you guys some very valuable advice/ words. I don't think we will have a future if I'm being totally honest as yet again I've made things ten times worst. So I'm going to try my best to take on board what you've both said. These first weeks are going to be extremely hard though.
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    The beginning is always the hardest. However, the more you focus on yourself the more you will feel better.