How do I deal with the probability that I will never know what love is like?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by seekinghope, Apr 11, 2012.

  1. seekinghope

    seekinghope Member

    I have always wanted to know what love is like, but unfortunately I am considered the bottom the barrel to women. I've never had a girlfriend. Yes, I've tried online dating to death. And please for the love of god don't give me that "quit being such a chauvinist pig and looking at women as sex objects, you should just try to be friends with them", judgmental speech. Fact is no one, male or female, wants to be my friend. If I wanted to just go to some dive and "get laid" I would. I have always wanted a real relationship, but I could never come close. Now I am 31 years old, and a virgin, and good luck in this day and age finding a woman whose willing to marry a 31-year-old- virgin. It seems hope is lost.
    How do I go on living with the fact that one thing pretty much everyone wants is completely out of my reach?
  2. SilentScream

    SilentScream Well-Known Member

    Don't forget that there is always hope,
    and that there always will be someone, someone to love.
    It's never too late to love..
    And, you should love yourself as well.

    Also, you should be prepaired for disappointment, once you have got in to a relationship.
    Because sometimes relationship do not go as you thougth/hoped they would go..

    Also, I am pretty very sure, that there are still women walking around on this planet who actually do care about people, instead of being a pretender and just want to get ...' (Yes, there are also a whole lot of men like this)

    I think that you should not give up and eventually go out, or ask for fashion advice et cetra.
    Maybe you could go and participate at certain clubs, like sports, reading clubs et cetra and meet your true love there.. :)

    I am sure that you will find your love!
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I'm going through a similar situation, but I'm still hopeful that things will change in the future. Don't give up because things can turn around at any time.
  4. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    Dating is tough over 30 but I think it's probably easier than it used to be for over-30s because there are a lot more over-30s who aren't married now. Then again, fewer people in general are getting married now.

    This is semi off-topic, but I recently met a reporter who was doing a story on a mass-marriage… and apparently there's a study going on right now that's proving that people who agree to arranged marriages are actually happier in the long run… I think because they get married out of a sense of tradition and duty as opposed to a temporary feeling that ultimately goes away and results in a divorce. I definitely think that people are getting married because they're only thinking short-term and now… marriage itself isn't even really necessary anymore. Trust me, love doesn't last forever… I guess there are a few cases where couples are happy well into old age but I think those are pretty rare… even the so-called happiest marriages can be pretty annoying… my parents are still together but seeing them now and some of the things they say to each other/the way they act around each other I honestly don't think I could have done it… I just don't have such a high tolerance for that kind of BS.

    I guess like all depressed people just have to make it about themselves, I'm going to come out and say that right now I'd actually be much happier with a no-strings relationship where I didn't really know the person and we just sort of hooked up on a schedule. A full-time relationship is actually really hard work and can be super draining especially if it's with the wrong person… but an ongoing sex thing can be perfect if you do it right. The only thing I wouldn't like is that since we're not together I couldn't really control who else this person would be sleeping with and the fear of disease would be too great… but I like the idea of not really having to change for anyone or adapt to anyone else. I guess it's still possible that I'd meet someone amazing and my mind would be blown and it would all change, but the older I get the more I really doubt it…
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    So this may come off as mean.. but... I see this a lot with people on forums like this one. You mention wanting a real relationship. However, that is the last thing you mention. Almost universally you mention being a virgin. Like it has some bearing on the actual relationship. A Real relationship sex is not really something you worry about. In a despreate attempt to sound better than they actually are men will always say Sex is not that important. That is of course until they are not sexually satisfied.

    My bits of advice, drop this Real Relationship garbage. Have you ever heard of the PUA world? If not I recommend you look up Love Systems. If you have, then please tell me why you have not pursued it? If you really want to have a relationship. You need to get better with women. Learn what makes them tick, learn what turns them on, and off. Go out there date a few bimbos, have a lot of sex, then dump or be dumped. I say if you have never known any kind of relationship. How can you tell what is really love? I will say that the forum that Love Systems has is one of the most supportive forums out there. Because 80% of the guys on there are or were in your shoes. The majority of the guys on that forum want to help. Why because they know the pain of your situation and know the bliss of success.

    :sweat: I kind of had a stress related breakdown a few month ago... so... I kind of threw myself off the forum. Even during my breakdown the guys were supportive on that forum. I literally trolled the forum. They eventually told me to come back when I am more level-headed... but initially they did their best to try and give advice on how to overcome that period. So I say go for it. I also say, what do you have to lose?
  6. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I am in your exact same position OP. I don't even want to try looking for a girl at all because I just know I will be shot down and the rejection will just hurt so much. I just feel positive that any attempts of me finding love will
    end in utter, abysmal failure. It is because I have ruined my life with my addiction to computers, videogames, etc. having shut myself inside my home, being a recluse, etc. Its happened so that I cannot relate with 99.999% of the population out there who are normal, have other hobbies and activities, actually "have a life", go out and travel, go to social events, parties, clubs, etc. whatever, all that stuff I wish I had done. I have nothing but a huge mountain of regrets over wasted chances and opportunities.

    I feel positive that the only way I would ever get a girl in my life would be one from my homeland of India via a traditional Indian arranged marriage. With that, she would only want to marry me and be with me for my American and Canadian citizenship. I have nothing else to offer her with my pathetic self. :(

    I feel right now that I still have a bit too much pride for myself to do that. I feel that going that route is for desperate losers who don't have the charisma to charm a girl themselves. But actually, I am in that exact position anyways! Actually, I think a lot of Indian guys in the U.S date Indian-American and non-Indian girls a bit for fun, sex, fooling around, etc. But then for actual marriage, they'd get a nice traditional Indian girl from India who would be more loyal, faithful and even submissive compared to many western girls out there (no offense to anybody!) But there's no way anyone would want to be my girlfriend so I think I'd have to skip that step and just move onto the arranged marriage bit, even though I'd want to know what having a girlfriend is like before going into marriage.

    But like anyone else, I want a girl to fall in love with me for my personality. But who the hell am I kidding? How can a recluse where computers, videogames, etc. are his entire life have any sort of interesting personality to almost all women out there? If I was a woman, I wouldn't want to date myself! :( I'd also probably only want to marry me for a green-card if I came from a poor country for a chance to better my life.

    I will be turning 25 next month and never a girlfriend, never a kiss, never to hold hands, etc. Already, that's a huge stigma in our western society. I feel that as my "expiration date" edges closer and closer, I may just break down and end up marrying some random girl from India and throw that pride away. I still feel that I will be miserable in some arranged marriage where we will not really love each other. But who the hell knows, it may actually go right for me in the long run.
    We've seen in America and other Western countries how many "love" marriages end in misery and divorce, how many high-school and college sweethearts fall apart and loathe each other years later.

    Maybe for me, my experience will be the mirror opposite of most out there, who get into a love marriage at first, but later divorce and hate each other. I may end up in an arranged marriage where I marry her just so that I am not alone and she marries me for green cards, but we may actually fall in love later onwards?

    I wish you the best in luck. I wish it wasn't such that in society, that when you are past 30 and a virgin (which I likely will be by then as well), that you are a loser for life and you might as well kill yourself, that's what all the other successful people will probably tell you. :( Our society really sucks that way. I feel that everyone should always have a chance at something, no matter how old they get. Maybe your chances may not be as good as when you were younger, but I don't think all hope is lost. What about all the senior citizens that finally went on to get a driver's license, high school or college diploma, etc, all the things they "should" have done decades ago but better late than never, right?
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 14, 2012