How do I deal with this?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Madam Mim, Dec 27, 2011.

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  1. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    My neighbour killed himself on 23rd December. No-one even had any idea he was suffering. It hurts me so much, and I just don't know how to deal with it. He was only a couple of years younger than me, and it's all just too close to home - literally and metaphorically. On Christmas morning, I could hear his parents crying and it broke my heart. I know I can't do that to my family. I just can't. Which leaves me trapped, forced to live with this pain. Unless I can be sure that it doesn't look like suicide, I can't do it.

    I was at home when he did it, and all I keep thinking is 'why didn't he tell someone? Why didn't he just talk to someone and get help?'. Which of course is stupid, because I'm exactly the same. Why don't I tell someone and get help? I've been in counselling, but my counsellor has gone now, so I'm alone. I'm so confused. I don't even know how I feel. My mind is like a rat trapped in a cage, going over and over the same things and it's driving me crazy.

    I'm lucky I actually didn't know him very well, but I still can't believe it. Everyone is so shocked, and his parents are devastated. They'll never get over this, and I can't help but draw comparisons between our lives. He hid his pain so well, probably even better than I do.

    I'm sorry about this, I don't even know what I'm hoping to achieve by rambling about it, but I just need to talk about it I guess.

  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Unless I can be sure that it doesn't look like suicide, I can't do it.

    Hun whether it is suicide or not the pain will always stay with our loved ones always I am sorry to hear that is fight was kept so into himself perhaps if he reached out he would have beat the battle of his pain and depression I am so sorry for his parents god how sad.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Mim, It's truly a tragedy.. Your right he should have reached out as you should..Talking about it helps to clear your mind..please don't think if he can do it so can I.. He was definitely not in the right frame of mind... He let his pain take over.. Keep talking to us and think about talking to your parents..I told my dad and he said he still doesn't understand but he supports me..We didn't tell my mom because she wasn;t in the right frame of thoughts either,.I wish you all the best and success...
  4. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry to hear about this tragedy... I know it must be very hard for you and his family. :hug:
  5. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for your replies. I can't believe it's been a week already. My feelings about this are all over the place. He seemed like the last person on earth who would kill himself, but it's always the people you least expect, right? My best friend knows how I feel, and she says no-one would expect me to do it either.

    On the one hand, I'm now sure that I can't do it, I couldn't put my family through it, but on the other hand I think that my family are half the reason I feel this way. I can't help thinking how alone Rich must have felt, how much pain he was in. And no-one even noticed.

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