how do I even be a normal person

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by qteallex, Mar 10, 2015.

  1. qteallex

    qteallex Active Member

    I know "normal" is relative but I've always had an issue with standing out, never being correct enough to fit in
    I have friends now and generally I can make jokes and make them laugh and say "that sucks" when they're unhappy but other times I get spoken to and I just don't know what to do
    in a store today I was buying wine, a gift bag and a card for mother's day (this sunday) and the person working the checkout talked to me really slow and careful like I might not understand and it made me feel like such a piece of shit. and when I catch someone's eye when I'm around them I feel like I'm being scrutinized. like I'm wrong but I don't know what I did wrong.
    partly it's in my imagination, I'm sure I'm just too preoccupied with not doing the wrong thing but I genuinely don't know how to act- how to be appropriate or how to answer questions or what other people's intentions are.
    it makes me so lonely for not being able to reach out but I don't know when is the time, how to say it, who is the right kind of person to tell
    it's frustrating

    I've ended up with this insensitive joking habit to say when a lesson is boring or something is annoying/embarrassing "fucking kill me" and it's bad I know and someone else who's also thinking about suicide a lot might be hurt by it if they overhear but the release from saying it aloud even if my friends don't know I'm not joking feels good.
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, a difficult question to answer. Everyone is unique like their DNA profile. The normality is every much dependant on how society perceives on what you are doing. That's going to school, meeting someone, getting married, working and having kids but you have a choice on how you live your life.

    In many ways it's about being at peace with your inner self and being content with what you expect out of life. Most of life is about making the next fast buck and having the latest technology. Well that's my perspective of life but no one can that but you. No doubt you have certain goals in life you want to achieve and you continue to strive towards them.

    You are young and have the rest of life to live. Surely, you want to be successful in life and be proud in what you have achieved so far. Do not worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. You must remember everyday is a new life lesson and we hopefully learn from our mistakes.

    I hope this helps in answering you post. Please be safe and take care.
  3. qteallex

    qteallex Active Member

    thank you for responding-

    I don't really have many ambitions or idea for what I want in the future, which I've read is just a common symptom of depression and similar disorders. I do want to be happy though, and success would help that happen so that's something- another way of thinking about it is other people are thinking about their goals and lives not what one guy is up to.

    sometimes I forget that I've achieved things thus far, I guess I'm just still learning to fit in :)

    it helped in a round-about way, thanks and same to you <3
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, not much to add, just wanting you to know I read your post and empathize with you. I know what it feels like to have ''6 feet under screams'' and you just want to yell and scream but feel no one is listening.

    Keep talking here it might help. Oh and kudos to you, I'm sure your mom will love and appreciate your present that was very kind of you. I got my mom a handbag, chocolates and perfume.
  5. qteallex

    qteallex Active Member

    this site has been a nice outlet so far, it relieves the pressure somewhat

    thank you and I'm sure your mom will love your gifts too :)
  6. Big M

    Big M Well-Known Member

    Gosh I wish I had the answer to that question. It seems to be the struggle of my life so far. Always felt something with off and I often feel like a freak in social situations. Work and parties are both a struggle for me. If you have mental struggles it is going to show, just like a physical ones. The best I can say is try to watch people you consider normal and try to mimick some of their social habits. For example I struggle a lot with greeting new people and making eye contact but after watching enough people do it I understood what normal society expects from you when you greet a person and I got the fake smile and even some of the eye contact down. I don't feel like I'm being myself but I do feel more normal when I pull it off. I still struggle everyday socially but I have made some improvements.