I've done bad things. I've placed myself at risk in ways that could destroy my family. If I got divorced, that would hurt my kids. If I hurt my kids... I literally don't know if I could live with it. It's like a nightmare, and it's all my fault. If I could really forgive myself, maybe I could finally stop doing self-destructive things. But how? I'm not religious - I can't ask Jesus for forgiveness. I just need to figure out how to slow down, focus, and start doing things to benefit myself and my family, and get enjoyment out of that. I'm getting older, but I still don't know how yet. Anyone ever feel like that?