How do I get a girlfriend?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by A_New_Man, May 24, 2007.

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  1. A_New_Man

    A_New_Man Well-Known Member

    I'm 19, and I've never experienced anything with a girl. I was homeschooled since I was 12, and I never left my house unless it was absolutely neccesary. I have little experience even talking with people, and almost all social interactions are really hard for me. Now I'm in college, and it's really scary because I'm awful at speaking and constantly embarass myself. Everyone else around me is so confident and has such an easy time talking to other people, but for me it's the most terrifying thing in the world. I have no good traits whatsoever, so I have absolutely nothing to feel self-confident about.

    It seems like all the guys have been dating girls and experiencing all sorts of things with them since they were around 14, while meanwhile, I've experiened none of that. I feel so left out and like I've missed out on everything. I feel like my youth is gone, totally wasted, and like I can never make up for everything I missed out on.

    I really want a girlfriend. I want someone to like me and appriciate me and want to be around me. I want to care about someone and have them care back. I want to belong to someone and have them belong to me.

    But I don't know the first thing about how to get a girlfriend. I don't know where to find girls, how to meet girls, how to talk to them, how to ask them out, or how to ask them out on dates.

    How do I do those things? How do I get a girlfriend?
     
  2. Good post, just that I hope no one uses this thread as a means to criticise homeschooling, since ultimately, homeschooling is a preferable means of education. Anyways, I recommend dating sites as a good way to meet girls, though only if you aren't very depressed about life in general. Most girls on dating sites are happy girls who want happy men and women.
     
  3. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Your basically asking for a guide on how to get yourself a girlfriend and i'm sure your'll agree with me when i say its not that simple. No one can teach you where to 'find' girls or how to speak to a girl. Ultimately you need to be yourself. Work on your self confidence, the rest will come naturally.
     
  4. A_New_Man

    A_New_Man Well-Known Member

    I'm ugly, I'm not funny or witty, I'm horrible at interacting with people, and I have very few interests or talents. I don't have very much to be self-confident about...not at all. How am I supposed to have confidence? And wouldn't confidence just make me arrogant and egotistical?
     
  5. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Nope, confidence wouldn't make you arrogant or egotistical.
    It would make you shine, IMO - make you have that extra glow about you :)
     
  6. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    No it wouldn't. Everyone puts them self down the worse. You may consider yourself ugly but you gotta remember the saying .... ''beauty is in the eye of the beholder'' in my opinion i would consider that to be true. What someone maybe not find attractive someone else might because we are all different.

    I think confidence within yourself is your main problem, once you feel confident within yourself the talking to girls will become very natural. Theres a very big difference between being a confident guy with high self esteem and being an arrogant twat lol.
     
  7. Wonderstuff

    Wonderstuff Staff Alumni


    Very, very true. Try to feel better about yourself and feel that you are worth having, and then girls will feel that way about you too :)
     
  8. Tara

    Tara Guest

    what everyone else has said!!

    though i dont know about dating sites. i mean you could use them to "practice" like how to talk to potential girlfriends and that but i'd personally try and get out there. Join clubs, the gym, anything. talk to people, get yourself out there! friends can become girlfriends. and imho they tend to be the best relationships.

    Good luck! :hug:
     
  9. I agree, Tara. It is preferable to meet girls places, just that if a person has social anxiety, dating sites might help.
     
  10. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    I agree with the earlier posts, heck I've had serious problems in terms of shyness with women. I've never had a relationship and i'm quite a few years older than you. Hopefully I'm about to get somebody soon if things work out. Just try and do whatever you can in the present moment, be it reading self-help books, internet sites, or even talking to people on here and don't fret too much if things don't happen straight away.
    I don't care what people say, you are not a fuck up or a loser just because you haven't had a girl by a particular age.

    I don't particularly like the word confidence, being a shy person, I associate this word with people that are outgoing. And yeah you gotta be careful not to be arrogant. I can never tell for sure what girls are looking for heh. If you wanna talk about these things then that would be cool :)
     
  11. SeemsPerfect

    SeemsPerfect Guest

    :eek:hmy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! You gotta get rid of that attitude, bro.

    "I'm Ugly"
    Look, I'm a straight guy but I can tell you that attractiveness is VERY subjective and I'm sure you're NOT an "ugly" guy. For starters, you don't have to be a male model to be attractive in the eyes of a woman. But you gotta believe in yourself and know your strong points. Hit the gym. Change up your wardrobe. Do things that better you overall WITHOUT losing who you are as a person.

    "I'm not funny or witty"
    NO ONE is funny or witty if they THINK they're funny or witty...lol Besides, those things typically come as a result of life experience. You already have a base for that. Who here was home schooled? Not many of us. That gives you an advantage!!! :cool: Differences are advantages and they can lead to humor AND wit. Also, do a lot of reading. Ask open ended questions that will allow her to talk and you TO LISTEN. Learn a few (clean) jokes.

    I once said the following to a girl I just met...
    "Can I ask you something? I was at the bookstore and saw a magazine and the whole thing was about women's handbags. Why do women like handbags so much?"

    It wasn't a line! It was an innocent question and I was honestly curious. However, it also showed I was at least semi-literate b/c I was at least IN a bookstore...lol Best of all, it was a conversation that let her do most of the talking.

    Keep it light. Make her laugh. Be confident. You'll be surprised where things can lead. She and I actually dated a while and we're still friends today.

    "I'm horrible at interacting with people"
    Practice makes perfect. I HATE interacting w/ a lot of people. To me it's like work but I do it sometimes b/c you have to stick with it. I even joined a fraternity in college! For me, going to parties was harder than going to class. But you gotta make yourself do it if you want to get better at social interactions.

    "I have very few interests or talents. I don't have very much to be self-confident about"
    WRONG ANSWER. You have A LOT to be confident of. I'm sure you have things you're interested in and I KNOW you have talents. It's up to you to acknowledge them. Your confidence will grow with your realization that you ARE better than you give yourself credit for!
     
  12. Greenforest

    Greenforest Well-Known Member

    It's possible you won't ever get anyone. :sad:

    I know the old phrases "there's one for everyone" but they're just comfort words.
     
  13. Tara

    Tara Guest

    way to put a downer there!
     
  14. A_New_Man

    A_New_Man Well-Known Member

    Thank you, SeemsPerfect, that was some very encouraging advice...^-^

    The moment I try to imagine myself going out to some place or going up to someone and talking to them, I think, "No, I'd never want to do that..." It's so far out of the zone I've always been in that it'd be so weird and different, the type of thing I'd almost never do. It's not that I'm afraid of doing work or that I'm not willing to try hard to accomplish something, I just feel like even if I tried to do succeed at talking to people, I'd fail no matter what.

    Like...no matter how confident I am, no matter how much I believed in myself, and no matter how much I flap my arms, I don't think I'd gain the ability to fly if I jumped off a cliff. There are some things that are just impossible to do no matter how much you believe in yourself or try...and I think that in my case, interacting with people is one of those things.
     
  15. Darkness N Light

    Darkness N Light Staff Alumni

    First of all I will have to say this. Nobody is Ugly on the outside. What is ugly? To me ugly is when you do something horrible to another person like hitting them or something worse. I have never been one to go for looks and that is because most of the guys that I have known who have had what a lot of people call "the greatest looks" have been real ugly on the inside. They do not show it to you at first but then when you get to know them and they think you are fooled they start showing you their true colors and do things that you never thought they would do to another person or to you. To me that is what Ugly is. What is it to everyone else?
    Another thing is sweet you being confident and stuff is not arrogant or egotistical. It is just showing that you know what your doing or making people think you know what it is you are doing. Being confident helps a lot when it comes to dating. As for how to find a girlfriend? I would just like to say not having a girlfriend is ok. I know you have not yet experienced it and you would like too so just let me give you a hint on something. When your talking to a woman make them feel special. Ask about them and how they are doing. You can always start a conversation with one saying "Hello, how are you doing today?" Then when they start talking you just keep asking them questions. Get to know them before you ask someone out. Make sure that they are being truthful to you.
    As for being funny and witty I can honsetly say yes sometimes funny and witty is nice but not when it comes to someone making a joke of someone else or making fun of someone else. Take care and I hope that you find what your looking for sweetie. :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss

    With Love,
    Crystal :hug: :cheekkiss
     
  16. Jolanta

    Jolanta Member & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    I remember hearing this saying a really long time ago, "Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone." To me that means everyone is beautiful, ugly si what people do. People who hate are ugly to me. people who take advantage of other people or hurt them in some way are ugly to me. The ugliness I see in the world makes me very sad. :sad:
    EvaXephon, if you are an honorable person with good intentions, then no way are you ugly. If you start out by doing what you are going to college for, that is being a student; you can't help but meet girls. Then, follow the advice that has been given you thus far. Ask for a girls name. Ask for her opinion. Ask her for her advice. Start out as fellow students. You will gain friends. It gets better after that.:smile:
     
  17. SeemsPerfect

    SeemsPerfect Guest

    Believe me, I'm no social butterfly either. I'm extremely self-conscious and there's definitely a level of social anxiety. So, I know what you mean.

    However, wanting to meet a nice girl but not being willing to go out..... honestly.... that's kinda like wanting to win the lottery but you never go the store and buy a ticket. You gotta give yourself the opportunity to win.

    It's hard. It's really hard sometimes. I won't pretend otherwise. But you gotta give yourself the chance, you know?

    I couldn't agree more! Find a club you like and join. Find a sport you like and play (even intramurals). You can even start out by joining an online community. Dating site or whatever. Just my opinion but I think it'd help you ease into the social scene.
     
  18. bEvans

    bEvans Active Member

    sports and the gym are probably the best general options for regular people.
    you should probably find something to be confident about before advertising for someone who also loves anime like eva and rahxephon on a dating website.
    or just be yourself, different, quirky, neurotic, like all blooming geniuses(larry david, woody allen, yoko kanno, guillermo del torro, and many more)
     
  19. Paul 1

    Paul 1 New Member

    I know how you feel. I didn't have a girlfriend til i was 26, and we are still together, and i know how lonely and depressing it is
    What you should think about is- there are girls out there that feel the same as you. Over confident people are not that attractive, i think, and not being confident is not that bad, as you can try to learn a little confidence. Try to smile at people, i think this is the best way to start to talk with someone. Try this anywhere, at a store, at a library. Also ask someone a question about their life. I think what people want most of all is someone they can communicate with, and confidence and being good-looking are not important for this. If you ask someone a simple question about their life, you are saying that you are not a selfish, self absorbed person and that you are interested in what other people think. Believe it or not you have asked a question here so you are already talking to people !, and people want to help you. Also, even if you do start talking with a girl, it doesn't always mean they are going to be your girlfriend, but this is not a bad thing, it would be great for you to have a friend to talk with of either sex.
    Remember there are lots of people out there that just want someone to talk to them, and you could help them the way others are helping you.
    Smile at someone and ask how they are today,its simple, but its a start
     
  20. Paul 1

    Paul 1 New Member

    I know how you feel. I didn't have a girlfriend til i was 26, and we are still together, and i know how lonely and depressing it is
    What you should think about is- there are girls out there that feel the same as you. Over confident people are not that attractive, i think, and not being confident is not that bad, as you can try to learn a little confidence. Try to smile at people, i think this is the best way to start to talk with someone. Try this anywhere, at a store, at a library. Also ask someone a question about their life. I think what people want most of all is someone they can communicate with, and confidence and being good-looking are not important for this. If you ask someone a simple question about their life, you are saying that you are not a selfish, self absorbed person and that you are interested in what other people think. Believe it or not you have asked a question here so you are already talking to people !, and people want to help you. Also, even if you do start talking with a girl, it doesn't always mean they are going to be your girlfriend, but this is not a bad thing, it would be great for you to have a friend to talk with of either sex.
    Remember there are lots of people out there that just want someone to talk to them, and you could help them the way others are helping you.
    Smile at someone and ask how they are today,its simple, but its a start.
     
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