How do I get my friend to EAT?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by feathers, Feb 17, 2011.

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  1. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    I know it's not going to be easy. She won't eat, she doesn't want to. She apparently used to be severely anorexic when she was younger, and now she's starting it up again. When I tell her to eat something, she says what is the point if I'm just gonna vomit it up again? She says she hasn't eaten in three days. I know it isn't as simple as telling her to just eat, because that isn't going to work. I've tried to get her to eat even a little, suggesting maybe an apple per day at the very least, but she won't even do that, nor will she have one every two days. She insists she will be fine, that she won't let herself get as bad as before, and that her mother and dietitian are just trying to control her and not trying to help. "They think I'm in denial" she says - she is.

    How do I help this girl?

    K x
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu can help her by going to her mther and letting her know how sick her daughter really is and let her mother get her the help she is needing i know it will be hard but that is what is best for her
  3. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    oh, her mother knows, hence why she is getting her to go to a dietitian. Her mother is trying her best to help her, but she is fighting against her all the way :/
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    A dietitian is not what she needs she needs a psychologist a therapist to get to the depth of why she is doing this and a program to get her to change her way of thinking something that will help increase her self esteem as well.
  5. jota1

    jota1 Well-Known Member

    I have seen the daughter of a friend slowly die because she refused to eat. Anorexia is very complex and quite difficult to cure. After some time your organs start to shut down in sequence and this process can take a long time and unless you catch it before it starts to happen there really is not a lot the doctors can do about it. I would be wary of helping her, she needs professional help ASAP

    As total eclipse said... a psychologist not a nutritionist
  6. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    She is also seeing a psychiatrist :/ she is just doing her best to defy all of them. I'm wondering if there's any way I can reach her as a friend.
  7. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Please, anyone who is in this situation or has been. She's saying that she's fine, and that she will "sort it out when she gets ill" like she did last time. If a friend could do anything for you, ANYTHING, to convince you that sorting it out NOW, BEFORE she gets ill, is easier than sorting it out later. It's not that she wants to lose weight, I don't know what it is. But I know that it is the underlying problem that has to be tackled. Be that need for control over her body, weight loss, or even self punishment. I'm trying to convince her to firstly accept that she IS ill right now, maybe not physically, but mentally.

    She seems like she is starting to consider that possibly it's a good idea to fight it now, but she still doesn't want to, obviously. I'm telling her she has to work with the underlying problems, and she's seeing her psych on Friday. I want to get her to admit to the psych that she has a problem, but I don't want to be TOO pressing, because I don't want to pressure her into doing it when she doesn't want to, what I want to do is to get it into her head that it is what she should be doing.

    I think I am getting somewhere. Any tips on how to reach her would be GREATLY appreciated.
  8. Stained

    Stained Member

    could you get her to drink things... maybe a nice milkshake ? somthing thick ? maybe you could help her " ease into it "

    i just thought this could be a diff idea other than mental help
  9. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    I've asked her tonight if she will eat something small... She won't. I said to her, trying to be firm, two choices: Either she eats an apple (seems to be her choice of food) tonight, and one tomorrow, OR two tomorrow. She seems to have agreed to have two tomorrow. Hoping this is a step considering she has not had any proper food since her apple on Saturday >.<. Really hope I'm at least helping and not pushing her further into it.
  10. NightPetals

    NightPetals Active Member

    I have been in the place of what your friend is going through. At the worse of my illness, I fasted for 21 days and was very close to ending my life. Even after seeing a nutritionist, having psychiatric treatments for more than a year, and going back to having a normal weight by gaining 40 pounds, I was still very mentally ill. Then, I started starving myself and like your friend, refused to get help until I was thin enough. I was embarrassed to admit I was anorexic mentally, I wanted to be physically skinny so people could see the evidence of my anorexia. Eating disorders are very difficult to have to go through but do not give up hope, because what your friend needs most right now is a person who will love her through thick and thin. She needs to find beauty and love in life through relationships, crafts, or any activity that she would enjoy. She needs to learn how to make delicious meals for herself that are both nutritious and gorgeous to look at. One thing you can do for your friend is to cook with her. Cook freely, without exact measurements, and do not look at the nutrition labels. Use whole, and if you could, organic ingredients. She needs someone to enjoy food with her, so eating with her and making exclamations at how good the food tastes will help. At first it will be hard, but soon, your friend will slowly see food as something wonderful, nutritious and beautiful that not only benefits her health and taste buds but also makes others and herself happy. Give her plenty of hugs, whenever you can, wrap your arms around her. Please tell your friend this; every person is genuinely beautiful, regardless of age, sex, size, or color. As long as they love, celebrate, and enjoy living life, take good care of themselves and others, see beauty in the nature of things around them, then, they are beautiful. Trust me, I was anorexic, bulimic, a binge eater, suffered symptoms of Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, was chronically depressed and had social anxiety, but I got better and now I love food and life. Your friend can definitely recover as well.
    Best wishes,
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