How do I get out of a stump?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by shermana55, Mar 30, 2016.

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  1. shermana55

    shermana55 Active Member

    I know there is no concrete answer to this question or none of us would be on this forum right now.... but my depression and anxiety are preventing me from completing the most mundane tasks. I was told I was anemic in August.. got routine bloodwork monthly and my Hemoglobin rose a point but I am still slightly anemic. My hemoglobin went down again last month to 9.7--it is not dietary related as my iron/B6 levels have been normal consistently. Maybe I am this fatigued from the anemia???? But I think it is the depression too.
    My dad has been depressed and anxious all his life. He managed to have a successful career for the past 35+ years but recently his depression got the best of him leading him to turn to opiates for the past eight years (unbeknownst to my family). In July he wad admitted to a 60k facility which bled us dry of all our money so we are struggling financially. In October my Dad returned home and decided to quit his job on disability leaving us with no income and NO health insurance. Meanwhile, my brother decides to steal 15k worth of equipment and valuables and pawn them off from September to February (UNBEKNOWNST to my Mom..see a pattern here? She's very naive and only sees the best in people and is in a constant state of denial) So her being the momma bear she is doesn't press charges. So now we have two recovering addicts and now my dad lays around all day in his BOXERS with food stains all over his shirt refusing to get off the couch and I swear he is going to get bed sores from not moving. He watches movies all day and complains of how hopeless and depressed he feels. Well I feel just as bad at him yet I am in my senior semester of college and have come the far so I might as well tough it out until May. BUT...HOW DO I GET GRADUATE IF I CANNOT EVEN GO TO CLASS? I just got off on a tangent but I am feeling crazy right now stuck in my thoughts with no one to talk to. I could drive home but the sight of my Dad deteriorating on that couch just triggers me to be even more depressed. I have a case study for one of my classes (Renal disorders/diseases) and it requires a ton of critical thinking and my brain is just shut off and I don't know how I am going to look through all the lab numbers and criteria come up with a diagnosis and intervention when I am SO FREAKIN tired and unable to do anything let alone shower or feed myself. I literally lay in my room all day and live off saltines because I don't want to leave my room to cook. I watch netflix for 12+ hours until it gets dark and then I go to bed. I only leave the house to go to my boyfriends but I don't even want to see him anymore because I'm this depressed and I have no desire to do ANYTHING. I have no desire to go anywhere or get up out of this bed. I wish I could go into a coma for 50+ years. I wish this would all go away but I can't leave this earth because I'm the only one my mom has. It's against my beliefs to commit suicide and I know ending my life is not the answer because it's a PERMANENT solution to a temporary problem. But I guess its cathartic to dream of a way out of this mess and a way to escape my thoughts for once. I'm trapped inside my head and it's giving me a panic attack that I can't shut my thoughts off when I need to function today. The more I type the more I panic because I realize how debilitated and pathetic my life has become.
    Anyone who has ever been this depressed, how did you get out of it???! (if you decided to not read my rant I don't blame you, but I would appreciate hearing anyone's experiences with similar issues and how they managed to get through it)
  2. Red Nightmare

    Red Nightmare Active Member

    I'm sorry for your troubles. It sounds incredibly stressful. I haven't found a way out of depression and anxiety. All I can do is accept it as the normal condition of my life and try to survive as best I can.

    It's not fun, and it's not a happy life. I do believe in God, though, which gives be some comfort. I don't think our suffering is for nothing or will go uncompensated.
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