How do I get over heart break?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by lesbehonest, Jun 6, 2014.

  1. lesbehonest

    lesbehonest New Member

    Hi there,

    Here's a bit of background about me: I'm 20, and I suffer from an incurable chronic illness and have since I was 18. My girlfriend of two years, who was never supportive of me when I am sick, just left me.

    We went on vacation for a weekend to celebrate our two-year anniversary. While we were there, I had an ovarian cyst that ruptured, and I was in agony for a majority of the trip. Throughout doctors' visits and my trip to the ER, she was angry that I had ruined the trip, and wasn't very sympathetic though I was in severe pain.

    When we got home from the trip, she dumped me over a text message and told me she hadn't been happy with me for months, though she never voiced any concern beforehand. She says it wasn't my illness that sent her overboard, but I have a suspicion it was.

    After the break up, she agreed to try to patch things up and try to go on a date with me. She was excited to be around me. Then, out of the blue, she cancelled and told me she never wanted to be with me again. I found out, two weeks after the break up, she was already dating, and even having sex with someone who shares the same name as me.

    Naturally, I'm devastated. I was really in love with her, and thought my illness was something we could work through. She also had a brush with serious illness; doctors thought she may have had cancer. Throughout all her appointments and her fears, I was with her. I took care of her and checked up on her constantly.

    I did something really stupid, though, that has made things worse. When I found out she was dating so soon, I hacked all of her accounts and tried to sabotage her online life. I think I just wanted controlled in situation where she had hurt me so badly. I regretted it instantly, and reverted everything back to normal, but she eventually found out and I couldn't feel worse.

    I just don't know how to deal with this heartache she's caused me. I feel sick to my stomach 24/7. I haven't eaten properly in days, and when I sleep, it's disrupted with thoughts of her. I wake up and the sick feeling settles in my stomach again, and I feel worse. All of the stress and depression I'm feeling is making my illness act up, too, and I've missed three days of work trying to recover. Even worse, we are in the same university program and I know we'll have to work together again at some point in the fall.

    For those who have been through a bad break-up, how do you get over it? How do you move on when you're so devoted to someone and still so in love with them, even when they've hurt you? How does the sick feeling you get when you think of them with someone else subside, and when will it go away?

    Please help.
  2. JV3

    JV3 Well-Known Member

    I read this and thought to myself, "I've been there."

    I was very serious with someone when I was 20-21. We had a huge fight and almost broke up, but she told me that we would work it out since we wanted to get married and were serious. Two weeks later she breaks up with me after I thought everything was OK. Turns out she's already with other people, and they were already taking it further than we had during our year-plus together. I found this out because I knew all her passwords and checked her Facebook and email. I know it was wrong of me, but I was just so confused at the time that I wanted some answers. Basically once I realized she had moved on from after about a month I quit checking her stuff and began trying moving on from her as well. I was extremely depressed and suicidal for about 3 months, and even though the worst subsided it still took nearly 3 years to completely get over it. Those initial 3 or 4 months after the break up were bad, though, because I kept a lot of things from our relationship and kept them close to me. I also would listen to songs that were "our" songs a lot and read old notes from her. This was basically just self-abuse and was a mistake on my part. If I could suggest one thing right away, it would be to get rid of the things that remind you of her. Delete the songs from your computer that remind you. Throw away any pictures or notes. If that's too much, at least box it all up and put it away (that's eventually what I did before throwing it all away). If you two are going to have to see each other then you'll eventually have to face it head on, but in the short term I would avoid places she would be. It sounds juvenile, but with me the time where I completely didn't see her and didn't have things to remind me of her helped me get to a point to where I was emotionally strong enough to handle seeing her.

    As far as the sick feeling (and that feeling is the WORST), it will just take time. I recommend finding as much as you can to distract you (movies, games, new hobbies, spending time with other friends, etc...). Just whatever things you can or want to do that force you to take your mind off of it because thinking about her will be about the same as picking at a scab - doing it just won't allow you to heal.

    Hope that helps and I hope you get to feeling better every day! Like most things in life, time and patience go a long way.