How do I get over perfectionism?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Kharma, Jun 7, 2012.

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  1. Kharma

    Kharma Well-Known Member

    I've had people (and I know I am) tell me I am too much of a perfectionist (stupid... "too much?" you are or you aren't) and they are correct in that I am a black-or-white, all-or-nothing person.

    When I asked this person for suggestions to help me get over it, he said: "Just re-define the word: Good."

    That is beyond idiocy. Good means good. If it has flaws, it's not good. Everything has flaws. Nothing is good.

    Why people can't see the logic here is beyond me.

    I can re-define rape as love, but that will never change the fact that performing those types of actions are a bad thing.

    Any suggestions?
  2. crunchie

    crunchie Well-Known Member

    I´m the same, perfectionist. I´m either all in, or I can´t be bothered. I´ve been working on letting things go easier for the past 10 years. I´ve been working on doing things I know I´m not good at, taking away my control. It is extremely difficult, and I still don´t cope very well with situations where I am not in control, but I do let myself get into them.. Don´t know if it makes any sense to you, but try to start small. I don´t know to what extent you are a perfectionist, but I started by not re-writing all my notes because the hand-writing isnt good enough..

    And I don´t think re-defining rape as love is the right way to go.. Rape is wrong. There is nothing that can make it right, nothing that can excuse it as an action. This is not one of the things you should change, rather let yourself go a little.. There are many ways to be good without being perfect. I can write a paper in rushed, ugly handwriting, but it doesnt make the content bad.. It might look sloppy, but it doesnt mean it is, does it?!

    It´s exhausting to be perfect, and it leads to a lot of anxiety and depression..
  3. Kharma

    Kharma Well-Known Member

    Fake it 'til you make it.... yeah, tried that when the ex. suggested it. Had a nervous breakdown, and she became my ex.

    Any other suggestions?

    ps. For the record, I wasn't suggesting that anyone - least of all me - redefine rape to equal love. I was trying to show that doing so is the same as trying to re-define a piece of crap artwork as "good."

    pps. to the last poster: yes, the content might be perfect (no spelling, grammer, or factual mistakes, and all written in a clear, concise, easily understandable format. If the writing is sloppy so that others can't read it - it's useless to anyone but myself - making it even less than useless. just my opinion (and please don't take it for your own, 'cause it sucks living this way) but for the life of me I can't see it any other way.
  4. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    How do you define good then? Can you give an example of what good would mean?
  5. Kharma

    Kharma Well-Known Member

    lol. That's my problem. Good = not bad. Bad = flawed. Good = not flawed.

    Any flaw means it's not good.

    Good = perfect.

    I'm a perfectionist.

    There is no such thing as good.
  6. Kharma

    Kharma Well-Known Member

    So.... no solutions/suggestions at all?

    I realise arguing/discussing things with an all-or-nothing personality isn't the easiest thing in the world... even harder when that all-or-nothing personality is an arrogant, pompous ass, like me. But I thought one or two would be willing to give it a shot.
  7. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    I'm a hell of a perfectionist. It's not easy to change how we see the world. When I'm not satisfied with something I do it's shit! Nothing can save it, it's disgusting which means I'm disgusting, I should hang myself or be eaten alive by wolves to make up for my inadequacy.
    That's how I think of it. Literally.

    One of my therapists suggested for me to look at good as positive and bad as negative. Sounds retarded right? Same thing right? I thought so too.
    She held up a piece of paper that had something printed on it on one side. Since the printed side had no place to write on, she called it the negative side. The empty side was the (and she let me fill in the gap and of course since it's such a firm believe I said) perfect side :)
    When that side was really the "positive" side bc you can make something with it, you can write on it, draw on it etc.

    I kept telling myself that and it did help a little. I try to look at whatever doesn't meet my expectations (even if these are unrealistic) as something positive, bc I have put work into it, although it needs more work. It's not negative or ruined and beyond repair. You can repair everything.

    I'm not fully there yet and i still have setbacks where i want to severely punish myself for failing and being flawed and feel worthless and inadequate, wanting to beat myself with chains or set myself on fire but I'm working on it and that is POSITIVE. I may always struggle with it but at least I'm trying and most of the time it's not as bad as it used to be.
  8. Kharma

    Kharma Well-Known Member

    Thanks Good World, for taking a shot at my question.

    I don't know if it'll work for me, but I'll give it a shot.

    Must admit to doubt, though.

    Good is what we are told to work towards. Nothing is good. Therefore, there is nothing to work towards.

    Work towards "better than it is now," I suppose.... but then I'm just another guy who quit too soon. Like every other putz on the planet. Which I already am, anyway. *sigh*

    I hate being me.
  9. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    I'm probably putting my foot in it here...but here goes. You are taking the words 'good' and 'perfect' to have the same meaning. There are many people here who give up their time to help each other in times of distress and hurt and I'm sure all of them would say openly that they as people have flaws. But just because they are imperfect does not mean they are bad people - merely human people.

    I understand that you are a perfectionist, to me that's admirable - because you know that so much of the world is inperfect I would suggest that you strive towards perfection - at the moment you seem to be wanting perfection and nothing else will do. To get to the top you've gotta be prepared to fall down a bit. Perfection may be a long way off, but that's not a reason to dislike the journey?

    Just my two penn'orth.
  10. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    Something I read today: "don't strive for perfection, strive for excellence!" I like to tell myself that there is no such thing as perfection. Which the need for perfection in my mind, if I don't master something to the point of perfection, it leaves me wanting to set myself on fire and burn alive to make up for my inadequacy. When it doesn't meet my expectations "it's shit, it's disgusting, I hate myself for not doing it right (perfect), perfect is the only thing acceptable, I can't allow myself to live if I can't make it perfect, it's just not a question! It's not excusable. Period."
    Perfection is...bad... ironically. It's mocking me. Being a perfectionist is more driving me nuts than anything.
    And to me there is no enjoying the journey on the way to perfection bc what is perfection? I criticize every single detail to an extreme, everything. It has to be better better better, thats not good enough, you failed, go and die right now. And the fear of not having the wanted outcome is paralyzing to me.

    "when you aim at perfection, you discover it's a moving target."

    P.s.: edited this motherfucker 3 times. That proves my point lol
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 18, 2012
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