So basically, attempted in November. It was my first year back at university after dropping out in 2008 due to being ill. Hadn't attempted since 2008 because I spent a long time in residential and felt like I was recovered until last year. Took a stupidly large overdose, found five hours later. Apparently I'd stopped breathing when they found me, so I'm told another couple of minutes and I would have died. They also suspected brain damage because of lack of oxygen, I was in a coma for a few days. Liver and kidneys already dodgy from an attempt when I was 17, in 2007, now they're slightly worse but still hanging in there - although I tried drinking alcohol over the summer [january - I live in southern hemisphere] and had kidney pains after a couple of glasses of cider. It's just, like... I should have died. I was so, so close. And at the time, it was really surreal, because it took me ages to even process the fact that I had attempted. And then I was furious at having survived. But after I got out of hospital, my parents fought against having me sectioned to the psych ward, so I was allowed to go back to their home, in another city. I worked in my Mum's bookshop over the summer, and have been fine - mindless job that I enjoy, sunshine, no university pressures. Only now I've been back at university for a few weeks, and all of the thoughts are crowding back in, and I'm kind of grieving over the stupid attempt in November, and I don't know how to get over it. I'm turning 24 in a week, birthdays are always triggering for me anyway. I'm getting flashbacks. Dissociation, voices. <mod edit- methods> It's not even that I'm particularly depressed right now - only that I can't see a way to survive life and suicide feels inevitable. I'm not really asking any specific questions here, so I suppose that's not helpful, I just needed to say this to people who do not know me and therefore aren't going to raise an alarm. Just... how do other people cope with the trauma of near-successful (or even not near-successful) attempts? How do you go on living?