How do I HELP HIM?!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by the_1_you_loved, Aug 24, 2008.

  1. I don't know how to help him. I don't. He's falling so fast and so far, he's slipping away, and it hurts me so much! I love him, I do.. but he's dying, and I can't help him! I don't know how!

    My boyfriend. He started on new Antidepressants, because he's been through a fuckload of crap in his life. He says I'm the only thing that makes him happy, and I've tried so hard to keep him together. He is my life, but now... now..

    He lives 1590 miles away. I spent 4 hours on the phone talking to him yesterday, as he listened and sang to his "Suicide" CD... He told me he was tired of fighting, that he wanted to give up because it was just too hard. He refused to take his new antidepressants, that he's only been on for a day... I begged him to.. I tried to be strong for him. I could hear him playing with that stupid knife of his in the background, and I begged him not to cut, and he asked me why he shouldn't. I didn't have an answer.

    I don't see him until MARCH. He's been in College for two weeks, and has already missed three days of school for doctors appointments, he's being told to go on Medical Leave and they terminated his job on Campus. He has only $98 to his name. I sent him $335; everything I had American from my trip there in June (not to see him, just a shopping thing) so what did he do? He's going for an EEG Tuesday and that's it... That's it, after that no more.. He cancelled his follow-up Doctor's Appointment and his Psychiatrist appointment. He told me he wasn't risking his education for the stupid doctors, that he could manage fine on his own.. and now what? Now.. now...

    I don't know what to do.. I want to help him but I dont know HOW. :help:

    How do I help him?!?!?! How?!?! I don't know anymore. I don't know what to do.. I'm so lost and confused. I'm not self-harming anymore because I promised him I wouldn't. I promised him I would stay strong, and I'm trying. I wont slip into Depression or Suicide anymore, I can't.. so it's not me I'm worried about... but... even a little bit of anything and he blames himself.. I cried on the phone when he told me he was giving up, that he didn't want to fight anymore, and all he could talk about was how much of a bad person he was for making me cry... For hurting me...

    NO. I don't CARE that he's hurting me.. He told me he knows I will hate him one day, that I will leave him one day like everyone else, and I don't even know how to prove to him that he's wrong. I REFUSE to leave him. No.

    He is my everything.

    What is a girl to do??? How do I help him?!?! :cry:

    Please tell me.. Someone, anyone.. ANYTHING..

    Just... help me help him! :lost:
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    It is such a helpless feeling to have to stand back and watch someone you care for hurting so badly. All you can do is to continue to encourage him to live and get help. At least you know he is still looking toward the future as he is concerned about not jeopardizing his education. That is a positive sign. Does he have any friends near where he lives? It is a lot to expect for you to be his only lifeline. You must take care of yourself if you are going to be strong for him. You may need to seek support too. If it gets to a point that you know he is a danger to himself, please call emergency services for him. He may be angry with you, but at least he will still be alive to feel that anger. :hug:
     
  3. erjan

    erjan Active Member

    I'm so sorry... :(

    ...but he is talking to you! It sounds as if he's somehow is crying out for help. "Honey, I'm in deep shit, I can't handle this. What do I do?"

    It's really difficult loving someone who doesn't have love for himself. I couldn't handle those kind of feelings myself. I'm to weak. So you may, as Gentlelady said, seek support yourself. And if he ever says something or does something that is totally out of character and is life-threatening, do not at any costs hesitate to call emergency services.

    Explain to him how much he means to you. That you love him. Reinforce the good things you share. Love may hurt, but it still has beauty in it. Discuss shared memories, and do your best and be you.

    Just love him. Show him that you love. And stepping on his toes, should he - God forbid - do anything, is a sign of love, not a sign of disrespect. Call emergency services at once if he slips into a real suicidal mode (i.e. the one that comes after the talking bit...).

    Best of luck. My thoughts are with you.