How do i help ?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by krazor, Jul 12, 2013.

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  1. krazor

    krazor Active Member

    Joined this site to research how i can help my friend and have spent the last couple of weeks reading different posts but im still at a loss as to how i can help.
    Basic background her mother was killed in a bike accident her dad extremely abusive after her death to the point my friend voluntarily put herself in care where she stayed for 3 years before being moved out and into a carer house before getting a flat. Her younger sister is still with her dad which causes her all sorts of heart ache as he refuses to let her see her after she went through a rebelious stage getting tattoos, piercings ect. She has attempted suicide 3 times one causing damage to her liver and kidneys. Now shes cutting mainly her legs as i made a big deal over her arms (probably a bad thing to have done).

    i know i cant get her her sister or bring her mum back but surely there has to be something i can to to help her and any advice would be great.
  2. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    Just be there for her, listen to her without judgement and without giving advice. Most people just want to be heard and understood, they don't want to be told what they should do...Be patient, and kind, try and maybe read books on cutting.

    I used to be a cutter, it never goes completely away but it can be less intense. I have stopped for about 2 years although I had times when cutting was a strong urge. To have support and understanding did such a good thing on me. Maybe she should see a therapist? but don't force it on her...sometimes listening is the best thing...

    hope this helps a little...
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi. I am really sorry your friend has gone though all of this. and continues to be in so much pain. Cutting is pretty much like an addiction. I will not go into specifics about it. Because i do not want to trigger people who are trying to not cut.

    I think I can say that some people find when they get the urge/need, they can substitute red paint thats mixed with some brown paint. someone at sf recommended this many months ago. I thought it was a good siggestion. They can apply it with whatever they want that will not damage the skin. They can paint their arms or legs with it. And that can hopefully bring a bit of relief. Another thing that can also be used with this is ice cubes. Its not the same thing. But it can take some of the pressure off of the intense need. Think of the need to cut similar to the need an alcoholic has for a drink. the need for the relief is that intense.

    I agree with morning rush. Be there for her. inform yourself. Hear her. Love her. Comfort her. give her the love she cannot give to herself. Its not a cure. But it can help. From what I understand, its hard to get professional emotional help in the UK. Much harder than it is in the US where I live. But if she became willing, I am sure you would go with her to a doctors apt to get a referral for help.

    i can tell you my expereince in helping people. I cannot know what parts of this will fit for your friend. But for the people i used to try to help, often the root of the problem is self loating/self blame. So its extra hard. So I am just there for the person. I dont have an agenda re: what I might think looks like progress. Tell people how much I love them ( when thats the truth). And have I no expectations that they can at this time or will believe anything good about themselves.

    So basically I just give unconditional love from my heart. And hope this can in some way heal. Without any agenda of what that healing will look like. I am glad you posted here. And I hope you can find some helpful info. You are a good friend !!!
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