how do i know if depressed or just sad?

[star__fragment]

maybe nothing looks okay because im depressed, maybe its looks bad because i have genuine reasons to be sad, maybe im depressed and that why i can barely force myself to get out of bed in the morning, i feel no self worth, i see my happy moments in life as meer 'distractions' i dont want to live, but i wont kill myself, and yet i cant plan for a future when i cant see myself in it, i think i may be a little messed up, i have suicidal thought pretty much all day, somrtimes the only thing i can ficus on, i used to have 'fantasies' about being stabbed, how stupid is that???? and i would sit there and think how wouod i feel? slipping away, would i feel relief? would i panic and get help?
im sick of pretending that everyhtings ok, but what can i say?
is any of this actually making sense to anyone?

i should probably introduce myself, i am nicola, i am 20, live in the UK, i go to college two nights week to study accountancy, i have a crappy part time job at dominos which is soul destroying, i have recently split with my boyfriend of 3half years, and im not sure whether it was the right decision or not, we bought out the worst in each other, i knew neither of us would ever make anything of ourselves if we stayed together and yet i miss him, i am also seeing a guy i met at a festivalm whom ive been seeing for a few months, no idea what he thins of me at all, im at his place atm at his computer,

 

[Blackness]

sound depressed to me

 

[Ella 77]

It makes a lot of sense. And whether you're depressed or sad, the main problem is that you're not doing well, and that you deserve to get better, and if you're up for it, get help.

Do you have anyone in real life to talk to about how you feel?

 

[star__fragment]

erm, not really that much, i used to talk to my boyfriend about it but i think that eventually killed our relationship, besides we werent right for each other anyway, theres this guy that im sort of seeing, dont know what to else to call him , lol, and i talk to him sometimes but i dont want to talk too much cus i dont know him that well and he doesnt deserve the burden of ALL my preoblems and feelings, also he's 'very together' in himself, which makes me a little ashamed to be this messed up in life, and even more more so in the head.