How do I leave the house?

#1
Well, a little backstory in short. I've been suicidal since i was 10. Im 19 now. Damn i almost almost made it to a decade. Kewl. Anyway, I've had real bad social anxiety since forever and its gotten worse now. I barely leave my room for weeks. Now my family, oh im not going there, they are absolutely ignorant. They act like nothing ever happened and that there's nothing wrong with me. And yes they know I've tried to kill myself. I've run away from the house multiple times. I quit uni, oh and i didn't even choose the major i had. I was about to run away from the home when the admissions were going on about 2 years ago. So my dad signed me up for computer science. I didn't hate that but i hated everything at the uni. Like idk how to say it was torture waking up everyday to go there. I did that for a couple years until last year in november when i gave up on everything and left my home. But my country being the shit hole that i think it is, it was not safe being out there alone. I was mugged. Like i was already confused and in a state of panic and then that happens. I should've been strong and kept going, but i wanted call my mum. And i did after asking too many people cuz no one would let me make a fucking phone call. This is getting long, I'll cut to the point. So I've been in my room ever since and now my dad again signs me uo for a culinary, which im really excited to take btw, but i cant. I had an interview today which I didn't go for. I cant its hard ok! I cant just wake up one day and go for an interview. So ye there. I have a feeling I've left out a lot of things but whatever. Thank you for reading whoever read it. I love pizza. Idk I just wanted to say that. Ok I'll stop talking now. Good day! ^^
 

Obsonet

Well-Known Member
#2
Hey cruel world.
I understand what you are going through, I have missed oppertunities like interviews just becauae I was so nervous. The only thing that might help is maybe speak to a doctor? I know that isn't easy either but they can help with your anxiety.
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#4
Hi there, I consider myself as an 'expert' on leaving the house considering I was housebound for 5 years straight. Start slowly by going out at night to 24 hour shops when there will likely only be a few people around, do you live in a rural area or is it a built up area. What do you find the scariest about leaving the house? I think you have to be in the right mental space and place to crack this head on. You are 19, if you get help now you can go on to lead a very normal life. Is the interview something you can re-do? Hopefully it is. you could feel better about doing it another time. Could you get a doctor to visit you at home? If you are housebound they will be more likely to agree to do that. Medication could help you a lot. Anxiety is a bitch for sure, it is a curse but you can fight it through medication, physical and mental exercises, meditation, do you have any friends at all? What do you hope to have achieved 5 years from now? I hope you keep talking to us and your screen name is something I can relate to, it can be a cruel world but try and surround yourself by positive people and have a positive attitude on getting better. Wishing you the best of luck, keep chatting to us :) We do care!
 
#5
Start slowly by going out at night to 24 hour shops when there will likely only be a few people around
Agree with @Petal
Even the off hours of regular stores might be good too
Meditation can help, especially meditating in a group setting. Lowering your stress levels is also good.
You might want to try out the acupressure self-massage in my signature
 
#6
Agree with @Petal
Even the off hours of regular stores might be good too
Meditation can help, especially meditating in a group setting. Lowering your stress levels is also good.
You might want to try out the acupressure self-massage in my signature
Meditation is a huge NO for me. Its almost impossible cuz my distraction levels are so fucking high. I've tried so many times but i just cant do it. And i did take her advice on going out at nights but i only went for walks alone. I was afraid to make a conversation with someone its not really safe to talk to strangers at night where i live. But thank you both for the kind words :)
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#7
Meditation is a huge NO for me. Its almost impossible cuz my distraction levels are so fucking high. I've tried so many times but i just cant do it. And i did take her advice on going out at nights but i only went for walks alone. I was afraid to make a conversation with someone its not really safe to talk to strangers at night where i live. But thank you both for the kind words :)
You are more than welcome. Please know you can always talk to us, we're a crutch of support for you. What scares you the most about leaving the house? And can you get a doctor?
 

justrob

Keep on keeping on.
#8
@cruelworld
Simple steps. Suggestions. If your mailbox is at the curb, go out and get the mail some days. Same if you live in an apartment complex. Find a spot in the back yard or nearby place you can sit by yourself for a few minutes. Or maybe sit next to a window and look out at the world for a few minutes at a time. The mailbox was my way to get out of the house everyday.
 
#9
Its almost impossible cuz my distraction levels are so fucking high. I've tried so many times but i just cant do it
Is the distraction something external or internal?
There might be a group meditation practice that you could join that would be in a more peaceful setting, if external distraction is the problem
 
#10
You are more than welcome. Please know you can always talk to us, we're a crutch of support for you. What scares you the most about leaving the house? And can you get a doctor?
Thanks lynn! And people. That's what scares me the most. And no, i said in a reply above ^ that i cant get a doctor.
 
#11
@cruelworld
Simple steps. Suggestions. If your mailbox is at the curb, go out and get the mail some days. Same if you live in an apartment complex. Find a spot in the back yard or nearby place you can sit by yourself for a few minutes. Or maybe sit next to a window and look out at the world for a few minutes at a time. The mailbox was my way to get out of the house everyday.
Thank you but honestly that would make me feel more sad. And tbh that's kinda pathetic to look outta the window like that. Its just..idk how to put it in words urgh im so bad at expressing myself. I have really bad social anxiety but at the same time i always need people around me cuz i was not always like this. Its all so confusing. Even idk what's wrong with me but something surely is and the worst part is my parents keep pretending like im okay. That makes me so mad. Whew...
 
#12
Is the distraction something external or internal?
There might be a group meditation practice that you could join that would be in a more peaceful setting, if external distraction is the problem
I'd probably get kicked out of the group lmao. Its tots internal. My mind is always pacing with thoughts. It drives me nuts. No wonder i have panic attacks all the time. And you know whats worse? I have nothing i can do when i have those. No stress balls, no meds, no human to hold my hand and lie to my face saying its all gonna be ok, no drugs, like literally nothing. I just have to deal with it. You think you'd get used to it after 4 years, but trust me you dont.
 

justrob

Keep on keeping on.
#13
Thank you but honestly that would make me feel more sad. And tbh that's kinda pathetic to look outta the window like that. Its just..idk how to put it in words urgh im so bad at expressing myself. I have really bad social anxiety but at the same time i always need people around me cuz i was not always like this. Its all so confusing. Even idk what's wrong with me but something surely is and the worst part is my parents keep pretending like im okay. That makes me so mad. Whew...
I had low grade agoraphobia. I had anxiety for a lot of my life. I was afraid of everything. I can't say it was the best way to handle things but I used it to my advantage. I always found a bigger fear. I was afraid to talk to women, but I made sure I was more afraid of dying alone which pushed me to date like every 5 years or so :). I was afraid to go out and get a job, go to interviews, afraid to go to work and fail, so I made sure I was more afraid to be poor and that pushed me to get a good job. I am not suggesting you do that, but I know what it is like to feel anxious. I was in a marriage and had to deal with it alone. I am glad you at least have SF.

I think you would do well in group. You want to be around people and I saw the exchange you had with @Shannew on her profile page the beginning of the week. You know how to have fun with friends. Do you have anyone you can invite over to hang with you?
 
#14
I had low grade agoraphobia. I had anxiety for a lot of my life. I was afraid of everything. I can't say it was the best way to handle things but I used it to my advantage. I always found a bigger fear. I was afraid to talk to women, but I made sure I was more afraid of dying alone which pushed me to date like every 5 years or so :). I was afraid to go out and get a job, go to interviews, afraid to go to work and fail, so I made sure I was more afraid to be poor and that pushed me to get a good job. I am not suggesting you do that, but I know what it is like to feel anxious. I was in a marriage and had to deal with it alone. I am glad you at least have SF.

I think you would do well in group. You want to be around people and I saw the exchange you had with @Shannew on her profile page the beginning of the week. You know how to have fun with friends. Do you have anyone you can invite over to hang with you?
I used to have a ton of friends aha. God i miss my old life. I dont talk to anyone anymore. They weren't even really "friends" ya know. They just used me for different things. Im just sick of people at this point. I ain't expecting long term friends or a life partner or any of that shit no more. But hey what you did was really smart. Im glad things worked out for you. I might give your way a shot. Im going back to college very soon so I'd be able to meet people and make "friends" then. I have a feeling its gonna be different this time. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts. Good day ^^
 

justrob

Keep on keeping on.
#15
I was more desperate than smart. You do realize that my way increases anxiety? It was the only way I could figure how to cope and be functional. I am glad I don't have to do that anymore. I know you said you don't have access to a doctor. I wish you did, that would really be helpful. Maybe a fear of feeling this way can push you to find a doctor who will help you. The college at least will have a counselor to talk with.

I am glad to here you talking about going back to college. It will be a good distraction and get you out around people.

I have been lucky in the friend department. I was not outgoing, but some decent people would invite me along in high school. I am still friends with them.
 
#16
I was more desperate than smart. You do realize that my way increases anxiety? It was the only way I could figure how to cope and be functional. I am glad I don't have to do that anymore. I know you said you don't have access to a doctor. I wish you did, that would really be helpful. Maybe a fear of feeling this way can push you to find a doctor who will help you. The college at least will have a counselor to talk with.

I am glad to here you talking about going back to college. It will be a good distraction and get you out around people.

I have been lucky in the friend department. I was not outgoing, but some decent people would invite me along in high school. I am still friends with them.
I've been very unlucky in the friends department unfortunately. Im just gonna live in my own world from now ya know. Im gonna keep doing things for people make them smile but this time wont expect anything in return. Im doing it more for me than them. Cuz when i make someone smile it makes me smile. And that's the only thing that can make me smile atm. So imma keep doin that. :)
 

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