How do I reach out?

[Ttorbuild]

Hi,
This is the first time I sit and don't ignore this or maybe this time I'm unable to ignore it. I sought professional help and got diagnosed with ADHD. I have a feeling that this diagnosis is terribly wrong. Of course the medications helped with the focus, they even helped with my mood. That's the scary part though. Now that I'm contemplating, I can see that elevated mood in another light. I thought capable of talking to atoms and interact with them all sorts of stuff. I started meditating during these times imagining beautiful scenes. Now when I meditate I imagine burned bodies. And this constant thought that I should kill myself. I argue with myself in the shower sometimes. I know this is serious. I'm afraid it can get to a point I will not be able to see the difference or worse give in. I have had suicidal thoughts since I was 10...12... I don't know. Long enough to be fed up. This isn't how I want to live anymore. I don't know how to reach out to my family. I am 27 years old. I'm afraid of being judged. I'm afraid they will make it worse. Can someone help me? Please

 

[LOSTINSIGHT]

HI Ttorbuild ,you need to talk to your medication prescriber ,you could be dealing with side affects of the meds ,,you have to touch base with them and explain .
your situation with family is tricky for you ,i empathise deeply ,,only you can decide what to tell them ,keep evaluating ,,you dont want to make things worse but you also dont want to do anything to yourself that can be avoided also.trust me ,im walking in your steps and terrified.
Have you an idea what you could be dealing with if its not ADHD .i have traits of ADHD myself but my nemesis is bad anxiety and depression.
Hows your lifestyle in regards Alcohol,exercise ,diet .keep learning and searching for the answers you deserve .
Peace.

 

[Waves]

Hi,
This is the first time I sit and don't ignore this or maybe this time I'm unable to ignore it. I sought professional help and got diagnosed with ADHD. I have a feeling that this diagnosis is terribly wrong. Of course the medications helped with the focus, they even helped with my mood. That's the scary part though. Now that I'm contemplating, I can see that elevated mood in another light. I thought capable of talking to atoms and interact with them all sorts of stuff. I started meditating during these times imagining beautiful scenes. Now when I meditate I imagine burned bodies. And this constant thought that I should kill myself. I argue with myself in the shower sometimes. I know this is serious. I'm afraid it can get to a point I will not be able to see the difference or worse give in. I have had suicidal thoughts since I was 10...12... I don't know. Long enough to be fed up. This isn't how I want to live anymore. I don't know how to reach out to my family. I am 27 years old. I'm afraid of being judged. I'm afraid they will make it worse. Can someone help me? Please

Yes consult doctor. Might discontinue the stimulant medication. As for family. Pick the supportive nonjudgmental one for help one on one.

 

[Nick]

Hi,
This is the first time I sit and don't ignore this or maybe this time I'm unable to ignore it. I sought professional help and got diagnosed with ADHD. I have a feeling that this diagnosis is terribly wrong. Of course the medications helped with the focus, they even helped with my mood. That's the scary part though. Now that I'm contemplating, I can see that elevated mood in another light. I thought capable of talking to atoms and interact with them all sorts of stuff. I started meditating during these times imagining beautiful scenes. Now when I meditate I imagine burned bodies. And this constant thought that I should kill myself. I argue with myself in the shower sometimes. I know this is serious. I'm afraid it can get to a point I will not be able to see the difference or worse give in. I have had suicidal thoughts since I was 10...12... I don't know. Long enough to be fed up. This isn't how I want to live anymore. I don't know how to reach out to my family. I am 27 years old. I'm afraid of being judged. I'm afraid they will make it worse. Can someone help me? Please

Sometimes when we are given a diagnosis it is not correct or there are more piece to it and those get missed because they only see the most prominent thing at the time. I'd really encourage you to talk to the person who diagnosed you, as others have suggested or if you aren't comfortable with that seek another professional. Family can be tricky. If it were me I would go to my close friend who I consider family, because that is the person who I trust the most. Find the one family member you trust or who you feel you can confide in and talk to them. See if you can meet them on some neutral ground so it's not as awkward. These conversations can be very difficult. I wouldn't try to tell your whole family, at least not now.

 

[Ttorbuild]

Thank you everyone for the advice. I appreciate it

 

[ib4uib]

I don't agree with giving anything labels as such.
All this does is get the person believing what's wrong with them, studying online or worse still joining a forum dedicated to the diagnosis.
Yet you're well ahead of this, you've worked out misdiagnosis though it sounds like you are distressed.

When anxiety builds up high enough all kinds of self beating thoughts enter the mind. This sounds like it's happening to you with the mediation and burned bodies.
Understanding how anxiety affects us is key, recognise it, block it and keep meditating until it fades.

Also understand that ultra intelligent people suffer more than the rest, it's the simple things that become the most difficult.
Though you can't undo being ultra intelligent, you can use it to beat away the unwanted thoughts that are causing your distress!

 

[KM76710]

Hello and good to see you here and asking for advice there are many here who probably have similar stories and may have suggestions.

 

[Ttorbuild]

I don't agree with giving anything labels as such.
All this does is get the person believing what's wrong with them, studying online or worse still joining a forum dedicated to the diagnosis.
Yet you're well ahead of this, you've worked out misdiagnosis though it sounds like you are distressed.

When anxiety builds up high enough all kinds of self beating thoughts enter the mind. This sounds like it's happening to you with the mediation and burned bodies.
Understanding how anxiety affects us is key, recognise it, block it and keep meditating until it fades.

Also understand that ultra intelligent people suffer more than the rest, it's the simple things that become the most difficult.
Though you can't undo being ultra intelligent, you can use it to beat away the unwanted thoughts that are causing your distress!

The "ultra intelligent" part of me is what keeps me in this mess. My ego doesn't just walk in then out, it stomps in and out. I am tired of thinking I'm right. I just want to fix it. Whatever it is I am going to embrace it. I got referred to a psychiatrist, meanwhile my doctor prescribed me atypical medication. We spoke about expectations. Coming out about my struggle is what really alleviated the pain. I started here, then moved to my mother, then we immediately called my doctor. A weight was lifted. I didn't think a simple step would have enormous results. Yet, it does.