how do i tell someone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by claura, Dec 9, 2007.

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  1. claura

    claura New Member

    hey im a 19 year old girl, i have fantasised about killing my self almost everyday since i was about 12. i grow up in a well off family that did nothing to harm me, went to a good school (sorta) and yet i feel like this, am i selfish or something? i need to no how i can sit down with someone and tell them what goes through my head with out hurting them. my sister has bipolar/ schizophrenia psychosis (they cant make up their mind) and my mum tried to kill herslef a few weeks back they talk about it openly (even though my mum only told me and my other sister what happend, to keep the family together), it takes a bit of pushing from my mum but in the end she talks, i envy how they can talk freely about it. im scared that if i tell them it will break my family, i hold alot of secrets that i need to tell but the consequence of that is that it will ruin my family beyond anything i can describe in words, and i dont want that to be my resposiblitly but on the other hand it is breaking me not to say anything. i tried to explain it to my boyfriend but he completly freaked out, that is not the reaction i need, but im affraid its only ever going to be the reaction i get. i would go to a psychologist, but i cant afford it without getting money of my parents, and the free services are all old men, and that is the last person i want to talk to. im at a lose with what to do and i cant keep up my happy go lucky personality for everyone elses sake any longer, its making me feel numb and inhuman, but the alternative is breaking my family, what the hell should i do?
  2. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Heya hun :hug:

    Have you tried counselling? I felt the same way as you, and I got counselling and it really helped. I was able to explain about the abuse etc

    It's not easy, it took me a good few months to say it, and I wrote things down too.

    Or maybe you could keep talking to us here, and build up your confidence

    Feel free to PM me :hug:
  3. down_and_low

    down_and_low Active Member

    Hey. I think it would be ok to tell your family. If your sister and mother can openly talk about their feelings, then i'm sure they'll listen to you too. And you said your mum told you and your sister to bring you closer together, which may happen more if you tell them your own feelings.
    You're not selfish, don't worry. You just need someone to open up with and talk to. We're always here for you!
  4. aqaq22

    aqaq22 Well-Known Member

    Do you have access to any insurance at all. Your parents? If so, go that route to find a counselor you can trust. Can you tell them you need to get help, but not tell them why? in order to get them, or their ins., to pay? Can you tell them you really need the money for couseling, but, you cannot tell anyone but a counselor what you have to talk about?

    Do you have the money to buy one session? If so, get the advice of that one counselor in that one session of what road he/she would suggest you take.

    There should be a way of you letting this out, of letting it go, and talkin' about it...w/out damage being done, or even the fear of it.

    It's a matter of finding it. (which you obviously are in the process of trying to do)
  5. aqaq22

    aqaq22 Well-Known Member

    Find someone to give you the 100 bucks it'd take to get a therapist's (of your choosing) opinion on the route you need to take. They should know. have alot to talk about. This is not in "your head". You strike me as an extremely "honest w/ yourself" person, and you need to find away into an unbiased listener's office...imho. You will get better. There is little to no doubt about that, just from reading your post...(fwiw).
  6. Sarah

    Sarah SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    I think it would be ok to tell youre family. if youre mother and sister have had these feelings in the past they may be very understanding about what you are going through. sure they will be upset that you are feeling this badly but they will also be able to understand what you are going through and it may help to talk to them and let youre feelings out. also those old men might not be so bad. i had to go to one when i was in high school and he was actually very good to talk to. he understood all my issues. they also might know of a women counselor that you can go to who might do free counseling as well. Dont forget we are always here as well. It may help just to chat with someone here who has gone through the same thing or something similar. im always available if you want to talk. :hug: sarah
  7. DynamiteKid

    DynamiteKid Well-Known Member

    life is 1 big problem. alot of us hate it. but u only live once. so jus try and stop caring about everything. jus live life the way u want to live it. ur free. try 2 enjoy. death will take us all 1 day.
  8. claura

    claura New Member

    but how do i start the convosation, what do i say to start it as i said i come from a well off family this subject is tabboo
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 10, 2007
  9. aqaq22

    aqaq22 Well-Known Member

    Hi claura

    You've already started it. Read the first post you made at the top of this page. Just say what you wrote in your post, to a counselor, or whoever you trust.

    I still suggest a therapist, if at all possible, they've heard it all and know what, and how, to ask the right questions, imo. Though, I imagine, saying what you said in the first post to your familiy will LOL definately get the ball rolling. lol

    about your wealthy family, I've got something to share with you. In about 5 mins., I'll shoot you a personal message...(I'm busy for a minute or 2)

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